Monday, October 31, 2011

ROLF!: Horrors of Rock

Here are some pop musicians turned into ROLF! characters. Why? Why not?


Dance Move: When the character uses this Combat Maneuver successfully, all other characters in the area must make successful Brains ATT checks as their next action or catch dance fever and join in. Dancing characters cannot attack other characters and they continue to dance until attacked or until they roll a successful ATT Brains on 3d6 instead of the usual 2d6.
(Exception: The character who used this maneuver can stop dancing after one round if he or she chooses.)
  Characters with the Nimble Trait receive a -2 modifier to the attribute check for this Combat Maneuver. ATT Body.


Lady Gaga (Female)
Brawn: 20 (+1 Hat Bonus included), Body: 17, Brains: 7
Traits: Nimble, Same Sex Preference, Too Sexy for My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dance Move, Furious Fists, The Look, Strike Pose, Seduce, Yodel.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Bizarre, Sexy Outfits (Clothes), Thigh-high Boots (Armor OR Leggings, Absorbs 1 point of damage.), Weird Hat (+1 Brawn Bonus, different-looking hat each battle).

Lady Gaga and Friend

Meat Loaf (Male)
Brawn: 23, Body: 14, Brains: 6
Traits: Too Sexy for My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dodge, Double Strike, Seduce, Strike Pose, Yodel.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Thigh-high Boots (Armor OR Leggings. Absorbs 1 point of damage.), Microphone Stand (Deals 2 points of damage.)

Meat Loaf (the singer, not the food)

Rob Zombie (Male)
Brawn: 18, Body: 15, Brains: 5
Traits: Nimble
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disembowel, Furious Fists, Strike Pose, Yodel.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Satanic Sacrificial Dagger (Inflicts 2 points of damage,)

Rob Zombie, Hairy Dude.

Zombie Michael Jackson
Brawn is 20; Body is 16; Brains is 5
Traits: Dead, Mutant (Claws, Detachable Limbs, Teeth), Stinks
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dance, Disembowel, Seduce (+2 modifier to ATT check), Yodel.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Teeth (Natural Weapon; immune to Disarm. Melee. Ignores Armor. Deals 2 points of damage.), Sharp Claws (Natural Weapon; immune to Disarm. Melee. Does 3 points of damage.)

Zombie Michael Jackson

Best-selling titles in October

NUELOW Games had a very good month. I attribute this to the fact that the Occupy the Gaming Table Movement really DOES represent 99% of all Americans. And then there were the better-than-expected sales on the collection of humor stories from Robert E. Howard, "Fists of Foolishness", doing better than expected, and a number of you out there taking advantage of our "Play a New RPG Month" discount package to try out "ROLF!: The Roleplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters." Thank you for your support. I hope you felt that your money well spent!

Here are the top sellers.

Best-Selling NUELOW Games Titles for October 2011

1. ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters [Core Game Rules]

2. ROLF!: Creature Feature [Supplement]

3. Fists of Foolishness [Short Story Anthology featuring works by Robert E. Howard]

4. ROLF!: Supermodel Slapfest [Supplement]

5. ROLF!: Herbert West vs. the Zombies [Supplement]

6. ROLF!: The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po [Supplement]

7. ROLF!: The Associated Shades of Hades [Supplement]

8. ROLF!: Icing Oetzi [Supplement]

9. ROLF!: Hammerin' Tongs [Supplement]

10. ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace [Supplement]

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Just in time to brighten your Halloween...

We're proud to offer a new anthology featuring off-beat werewolf tales by from the legendary Robert E. Howard and a novelette by Clemence Housman that H.P. Lovecraft said features a "high degree of gruesome tension."

White Fell and Other Stories features four classic chillers selected and edited by Steve Miller, one-time contributor to the gothic horror setting of Ravenloft. Perfect for reading on your iPad--or even your iPhone, this collection can be yours for just $1.75.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

And now... 'ROLF!: Gaddafi's Angels'

Ripped from yesterday's headlines! More action and intrigue than the latest big budget espionage action thriller, and almost as much logic!

"Gaddafi's Angels" is the latest supplement for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters. It contains three thematically linked combat scenarios and five pre-generated characters--including Colonel Muammar Gaddafi and his mysterious cadre of lovely women warriors, Gaddafi's Angels (making this another ROLF! supplement that's fun and educational!), Sarah Palin (a woman of mystery of there ever was one), and the sinister Agents of HUMMUS.

Gaddafi may be disposed and murdered (and few mourn him very much), but the battle of Angel vs. HUMMUS goes on. Now with 100% more Sarah Palin!

Click here to get your copy of "ROLF!: Gaddafi's Angels" from for just 50 cents. This expansion works both with the current edition of ROLF! as well as the free Old Skool Edition.

All proceeds on sales of this product will go to fund my rise to supervillian status so can have my own cadre of hottie women bodyguards and secret agents on retainer. So get your copy today!

Gaddafi and his Angels! (See... we DON'T make this stuff up!)

Sunday, October 23, 2011

ROLF! House Rules

Here are some "missing rules" that "Alhoon" posted on the Fraternity of Shadows message board. Feel free to incorporate them into your ROLF! games, because, unlike what the Godfather of Gaming Gary Gygax wrote about AD&D in the immortal Dragon Magazine #64, you are still playing ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters even if you aren't playing it exactly as we wrote it.

Feel free to add your own rules! And if they're fun, send them our way!

Alhoon, ROLF! player and Ravenloft fan, on How to Play ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game.

ROLF! takes 15 mins to read from cover to cover. If you spend more time than that... then you are doing it wrong!

Just note that there are some rules missing, that are very, very important. Namely:

- When your opponent rolls and then his cellphone rings, his mom knocks the door etc, you fudge his dice rolls turning "1" to "6" etc while he's not looking.

- When you use "seduction" you should always kiss your hand making a loud, disturbing, wet "Mooooch" sound.

- If you successfully castrate an opponent, everyone in the room should point at the player of the unlucky char and laugh at him.

- If you have the "do lunch" maneuver, you should eat fallen opponents while fighting. [ED NOTE: And this is made easier if your character has the Mutant Trait and Fangs.]

- If you play with your significant other and her/his char castrates yours, while everyone is pointing at you and laughing, you should throw a fit, how your relationship is going bad and vow to abstain from sexual intercourse for a week.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Time for "ROLF!: Gaddafi's Angels"?

Hmmmm... Gaddafi's dead. His hot chick bodyguards are free agents. Maybe it's time to write "Gaddafi's Angels." While there are all sorts of tasteless jokes that can be generated from the fact that M.G. was smoked in a pipe, I think these girls probably have far more potential.

Here's an initial crack a stat block...

Gaddafi's Angels
Brawn: 27, Body: 18, Brains: 11
Traits: Nimble, Too Sexy for My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Bitch Slap, Castrate, Disembowel, Furious Fists, Seduce, Spelling (Draw Weapon*), Strike Pose, The Look, The Walk.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Easily doffed uniform with camo bikini underneath (clothes). Successful use of the Draw Weapon Spelling summons a Medium melee or ranged weapon into the Angel's hand. It deals 3 points of damage.)

Hello, angels!

*This spelling is basically the same as "Ninja Arsenal" but I don't have "Cap'n Jack on the Isle of Pirate's Doom" handy to look it up. I'll fix it later. :)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

ROLF!: Chuck Norris vs Abe Lincoln

We've never been ones to think that any joke is too old to not keep hammering, so we're including stats for Chuck Norris in "ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace." So, as a preview, here they are.

Chuck Norris (Male)
Brawn: 40; Body: 15; Brains: 8.
Traits: Coldhearted, Dour, Too Sexy for My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Bitch Slap, Debate Philosophy, Disarm, Furious Fists, Signature Move, Strike Pose, The Look.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: He's Chuck f'n Norris... what could he possibly need?!

And here's ROLF! stats for Abe Lincoln, in case you want to bring Nice Peter's Epic Rap Battles of History: Abe Lincoln vs. Chuck Norris to the gaming table!

Abe Lincoln (Male)
Brawn: 39; Body: 16 (+1 Hat bonus included); Brains: 8.
Traits: Nimble
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Disarm, Disembowel, Do Lunch, Furious Fists, Signature Move, Strike Pose.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Stove-pipe Top Hat (+1 Body ATT when worn). Axe Handle (Medium Melee Weapon. Deals 3 points of damage).

And please keep an eye out for "ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace," debuting Wednesday, October 19 in the NUELOW Games store at RPGNow! If you haven't checked out ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game for Big Dumb Fighters, the special Play a New Roleplaying Game discount package is still avaiable. Click here for more information!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Coming Soon: The Breast Hope for Peace!

Have you ever wondered what Chuck Norris might look like as a ROLF! character? How about Barack Obama? Or maybe Pope Benedict, the Pazer Papa?

Well, wonder no more, because they--and a whole lot of other folk--are featured in "ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace!"

This product has its genesis in the real-world milestone in world-cultural evolution of an the Arab-language magazine Lilac featuring a bikini-clad Christian Israeli of Arab ethnicity on its cover. (Read about it at Cinema Steve by clicking here.)

We here at NUELOW Games were more excited than Rebecca Black on a Friday morning (we SO excited!) when we heard about this development; if there was anything that could be taken as a harbinger than the Hope & Change and global harmony that it was believed Obama would usher in, than this had to be it! So, we celebrated in the only way we knew how and created a new RPG supplement.

On Wednesday, you'll be able to join our celebration, as "The Breast Hope for Peace" goes on sale at RPGNow and DriveThruRPG. And you'll be able to pit Mahmoud Ahmadinejad against invaders from Mars!

Or maybe you can watch us get sued....?

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I played a working prototype of ROLF! for the iPhone.
And it was good!

For the past few weeks, developer Rick Blair has been working on what I think is an exceptionally cool iPhone app. But then I'm biased.

It's ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game for the iPhone/iPad/i-whatever that runs apps! It's what an RPG for your iPhone would be if they had iPhones in 1984, with black-and-white Larry Elmore art and no storyline whatsoever to get in the way of the fight. Within a month or two, you'll be able to break out your little devices and play ROLF! anywhere and everywhere, even without dice.

Note to the players in my campaigns: You better have THIS app on your mobiles if you bring them out during games I am GMing!

Here are some screen samples... watch this space for updates.

Click here for other iPhone apps by Rick Blair (including some featuring cats and fortune telling mechanisms).

Monday, October 10, 2011

Can you relate to this?

Graphic stolen from this guy.

If you understand the sentiment expressed above more clearly than the those expressed by the Occupy [Insert Random Open Space Here] Movement, then maybe it's time for you to discover or REdiscover roleplaying games. Purchase and dowload a copy of ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters and get an offer for a free copy of "The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po." You'll enjoy that quiet time together, and you'll perhaps gain an understanding of what the hell it is your kid is on about. (Except the drumming. No sober person will ever understand the drumming.)

Click here to get your copy of ROLF! for just $1.50 (as well as the limited time free copy of "The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po".

(Because We Fell While Running With Scissors)

Saturday, October 8, 2011

The latest fiction and RPG release from us:
'Fists of Foolishness' -- comedy the Robert E. Howard way!

We're proud to announce our third Robert E. Howard-centric fiction anthology, as we continue to share our love for this great writer's non-Conan/Solomon Kane material.

"Fists of Foolishness: The Tales of Sea-faring Boxing Champ Steve Costigan" is the first of two volumes collecting all the stories featuring the character that were published during Howard's life-time. It's an anthology of ten stories that shows Howard writing in a style very different from the oft-reprinted tales of Conan and Solomon Kane, one where his prose is light-hearted and down-to-earth but no less intense when it comes to the action.

SPECIAL BONUS: This edition includes a complete roleplaying game, "The Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard". Using the ROLF! Rules System, and designed by veteran game designer Steve Miller and ROLF!-originator L.L. Hundal, this game is intended to capture the fun of a Steve Costigan brawl, but can easily be used to emulate the gore-spattered rampages of Conan.

Click here for more information, and to read a preview if you wish. It can be yours for just US$3.75!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Power to the people, because our iPods need recharging!

Witness the birth of the Occupy Your Gaming Table as NUELOW Games becomes the first RPG publisher to bring the Occupy [Insert Random Location Here] Movement to the gaming table with the latest supplement for ROLF: The Rollplaying Game of Big, Dumb Fighters...

"ROLF!: The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po"

Click on the link for all the details, and for your opportunity to redistribute some wealth our way. (And if you haven't tried ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters yet, if you purchase a copy of it between now and October 15, you will have the opportunity to get "The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po" for free, because we're all about defeating greed!)

NUELOW Games: On the Cutting Edge.
(Because We Fell While We Were Running With Scissors.)

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Coming tomorrow from NUELOW Games....

Because we desperately want to be viewed as important, we here at NUELOW Games are jumping on the band-wagon of media and celebrity celebration of the brave activists in New York City and Seattle protesting... um... something. Tomorrow, Wednesday 10/5/2011, we will proudly to bring you "ROLF!: The Pimp, The Protester, and The Po Po."

Here are the illustrations that Karl M. has created for the supplement:


Monday, October 3, 2011

Celebrate Halloween with 'Creature Feature!'

The latest release for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game for Big Dumb Fighters is "Creature Feature: The ROLF! Halloween Horror Show," a supplement full of zombies, werewolves, vampires, mummies, and the people who hunt them.

Designed by Steve Miller (that would be me), one-time writer on the Ravenloft gothic horror RPG setting from TSR Inc. and later Arthaus, this excursion into fights-for-the-sake-of-fights with gothic horror flavoring contains six pre-generated characters, several new or revised Combat Maneuvers and Traits, and three Scenarios that can be played separately or together.

Click here to get your copy for just $0.75 from

And don't forget that if you haven't tried ROLF! yet, you can get the basic game and four of the supplements for 45% off if you purchase our special Try a New RPG Package. This offer is good through the end of October, in conjunction with Play a New RPG Month.