Saturday, December 31, 2011

NUELOW Games Best-Sellers for December 2011

Here's the NUELOW Games best-sellers list for December.

I want to thank all of you who have chosen to support us by purchases a game or a fiction anthology... and I hope you'll join us again for more fun and great reads in 2012. (We'll get "ROLF! At Sea" and "White Zombie" out, because if we dont' do it in 2012, we might not do it at all! And I suspect there will be at least two end-of-the-world/Mayans at the Mayo Clinic/Mayas vs. Nexicans, or some such product for ROLF! or something else.

And we're always open to look at submissions. Drop us a line at if you want to publish your game (or even your fiction) under the NUELOW Games banner. There is, as they say, strength in numbers!

See you all in 2012!

NUELOW Games' Best Sellers for December

1. ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters (Core RPG Rule Set)

2. ROLF!: Revenge of the Martians (RPG Supplement)

3. Horror for the Holidays (Short Story Collection)

4. ROLF!: Serenade for Sirens in G Minor (RPG Supplement)

5. ROLF!: Playwrights and Piledrivers (RPG Supplement)

6. Shanghaied Mitts (Short Story Collection)

7. ROLF!: Day of the Turkey (RPG Supplement)

8. Shadows Over Texas (Short Story Collection)

9. ROLF!: The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po (RPG Supplement)

10. ROLF!: Gaddafi's Angels (RPG Supplement)

Thursday, December 29, 2011

The latest fiction release from us: 'Shadows Over Texas'

Available now at Shadows Over Texas, a small e-book collecting three powerful and horrifying Robert E. Howard stories where he merged his gift for writing action and horror with his love of the Southwest where he lived.

Click here for more information and to get your own copy for just $1.50.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

When Drunken Santas Attack: A ROLF! Christmas Battle

Apparently, a bunch of low-lifes decided to give Santa a bad name when "thousands of drunken Santas terrorized Lower Manhattan [...] earlier this month."

Santa's daughter Sugar Plum,
modeling how proper Santas behave.
Under the headline "Drunken Santas Terrorized Lower Manhattan During SantaCon, Locals Say" a news article described drunken Santa rampages that, among other things, included much public urination.

My first thought upon reading it was, "How can they be sure it wasn't just another spin-off of the Occupy [Insert Random Location Here] Movement? Was it the red hats?"

My second thought was, "There's a ROLF! scenario in this."

And here it is! Merry Christmas, my friends!

A ROLF! Combat Scenario for 2 - 4 Players

Santa Claus' youngest daughter Sugar Plum and her good friend Christian Arab-Israeli bikini model Huda are Christmas shopping in Lower Manhattan when six loud, foul-mouthed men dressed like Santa come rushing at them.
"Hey, babes... wanna lick Santa's candy cane?" one shouts, the smell of cheap booze wafting off him.

Sugar Plum and Huda must defend the honor of the real Santa by kicking the crap out of these miscreants.

This Combat Maneuver is possessed by the Drunken Santas in his scenario, but any uncouth male character you choose to create may select it.

Precision Urination (Male Only): The character is able to direct a sustained urine stream with uncanny accuracy. May be used at Ranged Distance, but the ATT check must be rolled successfully on 3d6 instead of the usual 2d6. The target must make a successful Body ATT check or lose 1 point of Body and and all remaining Actions that round. ATT BODY.

Here are the characters used in "When Drunken Santas Attack."

HUDA (stats taken from "The Breast Hope for Peace")
Brawn is 33; Body is 18; Brains is 10.
Traits: Nimble, Too Sexy for My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Bitch Slap, Disarm, Dodge, Furious Fists, Seduce, Signature Move, Strike Pose, The Look, Run Away.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Sexy High Fashion-wear (Clothes). Bag Full of Christmas Presents (Regular-sized Melee Weapon. Deals 3 points of damage.)

SUGAR PLUM (stats taken from "Santa vs. Santos vs. Jesus")
Brawn is 20; Body is 20; Brains is 7.
Traits: Busty, Jolly, Nimble
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dodge, Infectious Good Cheer, Seduce, Strike Pose, Spelling (Lucky Number Seven, Shafting).
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Fur-lined Booties, Santa Hat (Armor. Absorbs 1 point of damage), Bikini-style Santa Suit (Armor. Absorbs 2 point of damage, Regular-sized Present (Melee OR one-shot Ranged Weapon. Deals 2 points of damage. One shot.) Two small Presents (Ranged Weapon. 1 point of damage. One shot each.)

NYPD RIOT COP (stats modifed from "The Pimp, The Protester, and the Po-Po")
Brawn is 31; Body is 14; Brains is 6.
Traits: Coldhearted
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Castrate, Disembowel, Dodge, Do Lunch, Pimp Slap.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Riot Gear. (Armor. Absorbs up to 5 points of damage.). Night Stick (Small Melee Weapon. Does 2 points of damage. Pepper Spray (Small Melee Weapon. Ignores armor. Does 1 point of damage and target must roll a successful Body ATT check or be unable to use any Combat Maneuvers for 1d6+1 rounds.), Taser (Small Melee Weapon. Ignores armor. Deals 3 points of damage.)

DRUNKEN SANTA (stats original to this combat scenario)
Brawn is 11; Body is 10; Brains is 3.
Traits: Dumb
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Precision Urination, Strategic Bleeding.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Santa Suit stained with beer and unidentifiable substances (Clothes). Pabst Six Pack (Small Melee Weapon. Deals 2 points of damage.)

This scenario is intended for at least three gamers. It features Sugar Plum, Huda, Six Drunken Santas, and Two NYPD Riot Cops.

Sugar Plum and Huda are each controlled by a different gamer, while the Drunken Santas and NYPD Riot Cops can be controlled by one or two other gamers, depending on whether three or four gamers are at the table. If four are playing, then the Drunken Santas and NYPD Riot Cops are divided in two groups of three Santas and two NYPD Riot Cops respectively, each controlled by a different gamer.)

Sugar Plum and Huda initially each face three Drunken Santas initially, for a total of six. When only two of those Santas are left standing, two NYPD Riot Cops show up to break up the fight, batons and pepper-spray at the ready. One of the remaining Drunken Santas then becomes an ally of Sugar Plum and the other joins Huda.
The battle continues until both Sugar Plum and Huda or all the Santas and Cops are defeated.

(BTW... "When Drunken Santas Attack" is a work of fiction. Any similarity to real people, places, and events without satirical intent is purely coincidental. Copyright 2011 Steve Miller. All Rights Reserved. Although you're welcome to copy-and-paste the text if you feel like playing the scenario and doing so will make it easier for you.)

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A Merry Christmas to All... and to All a Good Fight!

NUELOW Games' editor and the co-creator of ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters, L.L. Hundal, loves Christmas. It's therefore no surprise that she would be the driving force behind the creation of a rollplaying game sequel to Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

L.L Hundal, Steve Miller, and NUELOW Games proudly share our Christmas turkey with you--ROLF!: Revenge of the Martians.

We want to give this ROLF! supplement to friends of NUELOW Games as a Christmas present. Click on this link, and you can download your very own free copy. (The free offer is good through December 26, 2011.)

It includes six linked battle scenarios, and all the characters and combat maneuvers and traits and pre-generated characters you've come to expect in a ROLF! supplement--but this release also introduces the brand-new vehicle design and combat system, allowing your to add a whole new level of mayhem to your ROLF! games.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Kim Jong Il has died at the age of 69

A tearful announcer on North Korean television reported the death of that nation's Dear Leader today. The cause of death was given as "overwork" spurred by a "lifetime of dedication to his people."

Some sources indicated that Kim was riding on a train at the time of his death, taking part in a Rap Battle against Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran to finally settle the dispute over which of them was craziest, and that the strain of 23 hours of straight rapping was too much for him.

Whatever the true cause of Kim's death, he has now joined the cast of characters for "Houseboat on the River Styx", so now he can REALLY be in an Epic Rap Battle of History.

ROLF! game stats for Kim Jong Il appeared in "ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace". (Ahmadinejad's stats also appear in that product, along with numerous other characters... so you can re-purpose the material to create a game scenario around the REAL Lil' Kim's final stand at the mic.)

Monday, December 5, 2011

Observing the anniversary of Mozart's passing on December 5.

Together on stage for the first time -- Michael Jackson! Jimi Hendrix! Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart! With a special appearance by Ophelia on the cowbell!

It promises to be the biggest musical night EVER, as Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart invites the Associated Shades of Hades to a special pay-at-the-door concert is celebration of his birthday and deathday with the premiere performance of his latest composition... but will he and his fellow musicians be reduced to blobs of ectoplasms by the jealousy-motivated attack from Tiny Tim and the Three Sirens before they can play the first note?

"Serenade for Sirens in G Major" is a new battle scenario for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters, and it is being released in observance of the anniversary of Mozart's death on December 5. It features six pre-generated characters (Mozart, Jimi Hendrix, Michael Jackson, Tiny Tim, the Three Sirens, and Ophelia) and six new Combat Maneuvers (including Dance Move and Power Chord).

But I grant that it might need more cowbell.

"Serenade for Sirens in G Major" is available for $0.50 from and

Here's a treat... the video for the original 1985 version of Falco's "Rock Me Amadeus." The bit with Mozart partying in the biker bar is a definite ROLF!/Houseboat on the River Styx moment!

And further... here are ROLF! stats for Flaco, who died in a traffic accident on Feb. 2, 1998. Perhaps he can come to Mozart's rescue if things go badly against Tiny Tim and the Sirens, or maybe he can replace Michael Jackson in the combat scenario.

Falco (Male)
Body: 22, Body: 14, Brains: 5
Traits: Nimble
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Double Strike, Strike Pose, Walk and Chew Gum, Yodel.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Clothes (Dapper Tuxedo), Microphone Stand (Large Melee Weapon. Deals 3 points of damage.)