Showing posts with label ROLF!. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ROLF!. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Let's talk Turkey ala ROLF!

It's the time of year when Americans gather for Thanksgiving celebrations, and in many households time is spent watching football games.

But what if you don't football? What if there are several family members who don't like football? WELL, what you need to do is to gather those family members and convince them to play ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game with you! And we have just the introductory package for you to do that with!


The ROLF! Thanksgiving Feast Bundle includes the basic rules and three Thanksgiving/turkey-themed battle scenarios (Day of the Turkey, Turkey Shoot, and World War T), each of which include pre-generated characters for near-instant play and additional rules. Also Turkey Shoot includes some comics for added entertainment value (even if they may not be entirely family friendly... but, hey, we DO have a reputation to uphold here at NUELOW Games). You even save some money, as this bundle is offered at a 50% discount of what it would cost to buy the four booklets individually.

Get the ROLF! Thanksgiving Feast Bundle today from RPGNow or DriveThruRPG!

(We offer this special package every year around Thanksgiving. Unless we forget... which we did last year. Whoops!)

Friday, December 23, 2016

You won't find more Christmas action this side of 'Die Hard'!

For some different Christmas action this Holiday Season, you need to get yourself A Christmas Box from NUELOW Games! It's got comics and battle scenarios featuring NUELOW stars Jill Trent & Daisy Smythe, the Black Cat, and Judy of the Jungle; it's got Santa and his daughter Sugar Plum, Jesus Christ, Martians, Bill Clinton, and many more, all battling with the Spirit of Christmas in their hearts; it's got a collection of horror-themed short stories; and the core rulebook for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters....


Basically, it's everything you need to have a different sort of gaming experience with the family and loved ones this Christmas, and to otherwise entertain yourself while you are waiting up for Santa to bring the presents. (You can even ask Santa if he wants to play himself and join you for a ROLF! battle or two!)


Click here to get A Christmas Box--which features 8 fantabulous NUELOW Games Christmas-themed releases for a super-low price!







Friday, December 16, 2016

If you liked 'Rogue One'...

... we think you'll also enjoy Gene Fawcette's Tara: Marauder of the Spacelanes. It tells of the exciting adventures of Tara and her crew of outlaws, as they battle evil and corruption throughout space.


Cover art for Tara by Alex Schomburg
  This book brimming with swashbuckling space action can be found at DriveThruComics, RPGNow, and DriveThruRPG. In addition to the great comics, the book contains ROLF! game stats or Tara and her crew, and d20 System and OpenD6 game stats for Tara's weapon of choice--the atom sword. (Yeah... light sabres may be cool and all, but are they atom sword cool?!)

Saturday, November 26, 2016

Castro vs. Kennedy (A ROLF!: Houseboat on the River Styx Battle Scenario)

On November 25, 2016, the long-time dictator of the Cuban communist regime, Fidel Castro, passed away. This is some of what happened next, as Castro joins the cast of characters in NUELOW Games' A Houseboat on the River Styx setting. Based on the writings of John Kendrick Bangs, it's a place where historical figures and fictional characters meet, have adventures, and fight with each other.
   This post contains ROLF! stats for Kennedy and Castro, so you can play out their first meeting in the afterlife.



ON THE SHORES OF THE RIVER STYX, NOT TOO LONG AGO....
   "Ay caramba!" exclaimed Fidel Casto. "You mean I really, truly am dead?!"
   "Yes." Charon nodded almost imperceptibly within the shadows of his voluminous hood. "The land you have arrived in is Hades, and the river we just crossed is Styx."
   "But there is a city here! And over there--a houseboat with a gringo dressed up like Shakespeare! And there are people riding horses, people riding in cars, people--people riding on dragons?!"
   Castro pointed skyward where a sleek, scaly azure dragon was winging its way way through the cloudy sky after a furry white one; on the back of each, a human form could be discearned, and a woman's voice drifted down, "Fates curse you, Atreyu--you bring back my helmet, or I'll make you wish you'd been swallowed up by Despair and Hopelessness!"
   Again, near-invisible nod of Charon's head. "Yes... Hades is a land where creations of the imagination and the spirits of those who have fired imaginations live and mingle. You will find that--"
   "Well, I'll be! If it isn't Fidel Castro!"
   Charon and Fidel turned in the direction of the voice. John F. Kennedy came striding onto the boat dock.
   "Kennedy," Castro said coldly, his eyes narrowing under his bushy brows.
   "Fidel," Kennedy said, smiling. "I guess the cigars finally killed you, eh?"
   "Indeed. But it took 50 years longer than the bullet that finished you off."
   "Why, you commie bastard!"
   "Capitalist pig!"
   "Gentlemen, gentlemen," Charon said, waving his gnarled hands to get their attention. "There is no need to--"
   "Stay out of this," roared Kennedy and Castro in unison, each turning their baleful stares on Charon--causing him to shrink further into the shadows of his robe--before locking eyes with each other.
   "You're about to get your ass kicked so hard you're going to wish you were alive again," Kennedy snarled.
   "Less talk, more fight, bourgeois dog!"
   As the fists started to fly, Charon boarded his boat and shoved off. "I'll be back," he said, "when you gentlemen are finished. Nikita, Che, and Karl wanted me to bring Fidel by so they could get a bridge game going."

THE FIGHT
Castro and Kennedy start fighting at close range. The fight ends when one defeats the other.

FIDEL CASTRO (Male)
Brawn 20, Body 13, Brains 5
Traits: Coldhearted, Egomaniac, Stone Cold Killer
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Bitch Slap, Debate Philosophy, Dodge, Withering Insult
 Important Stuff Worn/Wielded. Beard (Armor, absorbs 1 point of damage).

JOHN F. KENNEDY (Male)
Brawn: 19; Body: 18; Brains: 7
Traits: Egomaniac, Irrepressible Optimist, Limousine Liberal
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Knock Out, Seduction, Strike Pose, Run Away!, Walk and Chew Gum
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Nice Suit and Tie (clothes).







Sunday, August 28, 2016

The Flying Fool lands at NUELOW Games!

The creative and editorial team of Jack Kirby and Joe Simon not only brought the world Captain America, but it brought us the first romance comics, helped develop the visual language of horror comics, and put any number of foundation stones for both comic book art form and comic book industry in place.

With out latest release, NUELOW Games throws the spotlight on Simon & Kirby's fantastic talents by collecting their run on "Link Thorne: The Flying Fool" in its entirety. The pair took a series that could generously be described as lackluster, and filled it with so much life and energy that the seven episodes they wrote and drew carried the series for an additional 16 episodes after they moved onto other projects.

Cover for Link Thorne: The Flying Fool. Art by Simon & Kirby
Link Thorne: The Flying Fool is not only a must-read for fans of well-done comics, but for those who love B-movies from the 1930s and 1940s, because each installment feels more like one of those movies than it does a comic book story. In addition to the comics, the book also contains a ROLF! scenario and game stats for key Flying Fool characters--as well as for Jack Kirby and Joe Simon!

You can get Link Thorne: The Flying Fool at DriveThruComics, DriveThruRPG, and RPGNow.

Friday, May 27, 2016

Mad about Marvel's treatment of Captain America?

The latest bit of brilliance (?) from the House of Ideas has been to turn Captain American into a supervillain--a deep cover Hydra agent who never was the hero he pretended to be. A good number of people are upset at this, given that the character (and his alter ego Steve Rogers) have been a symbol of the American ideal from the beginning.

Instead of being upset, we here at NUELOW Games recommend that fans instead pick a point where the "real" Captain American stories ended and simply ignore whatever dreck Marvel prints. (For me, it's the end of the story arc where Steve Rogers returned to the role of Captain America after his stint as US Agent.). Then, to fill the empty space for reading material, you can turn to other patriotic superheroes. Here's a selection you can start with--all from NUELOW Games and all guaranteed to never be subjected to the sort of character assassination that Marvel appears to have visited upon Captain America.

MAJOR VICTORY AND YANKEE GIRL
These star-spangled heroes gave their lives for their country and were given the opportunity to keep fighting by the powerful entity known as Father Patriot. Every single one of their appearances from the Golden Age of Comics (along with the never-before-revealed origin of Yankee Girl) are contained in Complete Golden Age Oddballs: Major Victory & Yankee Girl.

Available at DriveThruComics, DriveThruRPG, and RPGNow


PAT PATRIOT
A working class daughter of immigrants, who devoted herself to fighting America's enemies on the home front while becoming a symbol of America, Patricia Patrios is as American and as heroic as they come. The Pat Patriot collection from NUELOW Games features four of her greatest adventures.
Available at DriveThru Comics, DriveThruRPG, & RPGNow

THE BRONZE TERROR
The Bronze Terror is secretly the successful attorney Jeff Dixon. A Native American, Jeff fights to defend the rights and reputations of Native Americans both in and out of the courtroom... and when the law comes up short, he dons a mask and continues the fight outside court as the Bronze Terror. Real American No. 1 collects the best stories featuring the Bronze Terror.

Available at DriveThruComics, DriveThruRPG, and RPGNow
Each of these books not only bring you adventures by great patriotic superheroes, but they contain rules and scenarios that can get you started on creating your own adventures featuring them--as you play ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game with your friends! Stop stewing over Marvel and start reading and creating something new and better!


Monday, March 7, 2016

Do you need help with your Trump Anxiety?

TRIGGER WARNING! DONALD TRUMP AHEAD! (Although this post will provide with information on how to deal with your Trump Anxiety, we realize that you are fragile and we want to prepare you, so we don't cause you to have an episode.)


A new disorder is sweeping the nation--Trump Anxiety. Once thought limited only to certain segments of the Republican Party leadership, and particularly hysterical Democrats, this condition has spread to a surprisingly wide percentage of the population in the United States of America and even abroad. The Chicago Tribune (courtesy of the WaPo's syndication service) reports on the affliction and those tortured souls who suffer from it, here.


Does this man haunt your dreams? NUELOW can help!
We here at NUELOW Games hate to see our fellow human beings suffer, so we've created some material to help those who suffer from Trump Anxiety to confront your fears and move beyond them.... and they'll cost you far, far less than what you'll pay a therapist, be it for massage or mental therapy.


THE NUELOW GAMES CURE FOR TRUMP ANXIETY!
Follow these easy steps, and you'll be on your way to curing yourself of your Trump Anxiety. Roleplaying has long been used to confront fears and derangements by therapists. We are now taking those concepts into the realm of self-help/self-service and rollplaying.

Step One: Verify You Actually Suffer From the Condition. If the header of this post, or the picture of The Donald above troubled you, maybe you suffer from Trump Anxiety. To be sure, however, you need to click on this link to inspect a different post on this blog. It contains another picture of Trump, along with a set of stats that represent him in the ROLF! rollplaying game system. If your distress grows by viewing that page, you suffer from Trump Anxiety.

Step Two: Get a copy of You vs. Me and Relentlessly Gay. These rollplaying products provide the framework within which you will confront your fears. Also, get a copy of Professor Fiend. This book contains additional tools to help you overcome your Trump Anxiety, as well as game statistics for The Donald similar to the ones you've already seen on this blog. (To provide maximum access to the therapeutic powers of rollplaying, all three of those products are available in one easy download, at a discount. Click here to get the Trump Anxiety Self-Help Kit.)

Step Three: Find a friend, or a Fellow Sufferer of Trump Anxiety. Create characters of yourself and your friend, using You vs. Me. Then, using either the statistics for Donald Trump presented on this blog, or in Professor Fiend, pit the character you have made against Trump, within the safety of a rollplaying game. You will see that he is nothing to be afraid of. Take turns defeating him if necessary. You can also play through the battle scenario in Professor Fiend for a further illustration of how ridiculous Trump is... and how ridiculous it is to suffer from Trump Anxiety. For extra relaxation and perspective, read the comics in Professor Fiend.

Step Four: Actively Support Another Candidate. America is a democratic Republic for God's sake. Trump may behave like he's going to be the Dictator-in-Chief, but if everyone gets off their asses and stops whining about him on the internet and instead becomes active in the Republican or Democratic parties, he will be relegated to his rightful status as a joke and a footnote in history even before the primaries have run their course. You can join Step Three and Step Four together, doing them at the same time. You can even pit Hillary Clinton or other political figures against Trump using other NUELOW Games releases, further proving to yourself that your Trump Anxiety is completely unfounded. (Just don't use Bernie Sanders. He's going to lose every time.)
Step Five: Vote in the General Election. If you know who you're going to vote for, you know you have nothing to fear from Trump... because you know other sane people are going to be voting like you are. Especially if you've been talking to them while engaging in Step Four.


THE THREE PARTS OF THE TRUMP ANXIETY SELF-HELP KIT:

 






Click to order a Trump Anxiety Self-Help Kit from NUELOW Games!

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Democratic U.S. Presidential Candidates ala ROLF!

Although the party and the cable channels would like the world to think there's only one person running for the nomination to be the Democratic candidate for president in this year's election, there are actually three major contenders. We at NUELOW Games have been as guilty as everyone else at only shining the spotlight on Hillary Clinton (with a celebration of her birthday, and featuring her as a playable character in two different Battle Scenarios), but we here-by make amends by providing ROLF! statistics for Bernie Sanders and Martin O'Malley--the two campaigners that few people know about. (Why do few people know about them? Because the Democratic National Committee had sponsored few debates and they've always scheduled them in such a way to make sure that virtually no one is going to watch them.)

We hope you enjoy this public service in the interest of avoiding the Coronation of Hillary that she and the party are seeking. (You can also use these statistics to play through a match-up of the candidates and make your own predictions about who might win in the general election. The ROLF! stats for two of the Republican hopefuls can be found here.)


Bernie Sanders & Martin O'Malley: The guys Hillary Clinton wants you to ignore

BERNIE SANDERS (Male)
Brawn 11, Body 10, Brains 5
   Traits: Limousine Liberal*, Weird Hair
   Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Dodge, Kung Fu Face*, Signature Move*
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Rumpled Suit and Nice Tie (Clothes), The Complete Works of Karl Marx (Melee Weapon, deals 2 points of damage OR One-Shot Ranged Weapon, deals 1 point of damage).

MARTIN O'MALLEY (Male)
Brawn 13, Body 14, Brains 4
   Traits: Holier Than Thou*, Improv Master*
   Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Dodge, Double Strike
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Expensive Suit and Tie (Clothes).


*The Traits and Combat Maneuvers can be found in Relentlessly Gay (for ROLF! and d20 System).


NEW TRAITS
This all-new Trait is appearing here on the blog for the very first time anywhere.
   Weird Hair: The character gains a +1 modifier to all ATT Body-based checks, and a -1 modifier to all ATT Brains-based checks.



Monday, October 26, 2015

HAPPY 68th BIRTHDAY TO HILLARY CLINTON!

Former Watergate investigation staffer, former lawyer, former Senator from New Yrok, former Secretary of State, present candidate for President and wife of a former President--she's Hillary Clinton and today, October 26th, we're celebrating her birthday!

Instead of giving Hillary a present--she's the woman who has everything but her own slippers with the presidential seal on them--we're giving one to you! For the next 24 hours, we're selling the Hillary Clinton Birthday Bundle! It contains ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game og Big, Dumb Fighters, two ROLF! battle scenarios where a lucky gamer gets to take on the role of Hillary herself (the ROLF! classics Bill Clinton Meets a Girl Scout and Super Muslim Bros.) and two other releases that feature ROLF! game stats for her greatest foes--the Girl Scouts from Jupiter and Donald Trump! With the material included in this bundle, you will be able to create your own ROLF! battle scenarios with Hillary fighting for truth, justice, and her way--and the way to 2016!

Click here to see previews of the individual products in the Hillary Clinton Birthday Bundle--or to get it for yourself. The bundle is 47% what it would cost you to get them separately.


Friday, September 25, 2015

Funny Business: NUELOW Games introduces Professor Fiend

When choosing which comics to repackage or base ROLF! supplements around, we generally go for the obscure and neglected--the characters who haven't been thought of since they first appeared in the pages of magazines from long-gone publishers some 50 to 75 years ago.

Art by Fred Schwab
The latest character we've retrieved from the ash-heap of pop-culture history is Professor Fiend. This character was featured in an eponymous series that ran in the early issues of Fantastic Comics, published by Fox Feature Syndicate during 1939 and 1940. It relies to a large extend on nonsense humor, but at the same time is pretty dark, since it makes a running gag out of the fact that the Professor is suicidal.

The NUELOW Games comics/rpg hybrid product contains five of the original Professor Fiend tales by writer/artist Fred Schwab (working under the house name Boris Plaster). We've brought the character into the 21st century in a two-player battle scenario that's equally compatible with our ROLF! and You vs. Me rollplaying games. In addition, the book contains five feats for d20 System games that will let you bring a little Professor Fiend flavor to a genius player character (mad or otherwise),

Click here to see previews of Professor Fiend at DriveThruRPG, or to get your very own copy.

OTHER HUMOR COMICS FROM NUELOW GAMES
Art by Dave Tendlar
While the majority of our pure roleplaying game products are comedic in nature, most of the comics-related releases are not. However, Professor Fiend isn't our only comics release intended to tickle the funnybone. Here are a few others:

Ginger and Snap collects (for the first time, anywhere) the complete run of this series about a pair of fraternal twins who solve problems by cross-dressing and disguising themselves as each other. It contains a complete ROLF! battle scenario.

By Ralph Mayo
Kathy collects several teen humor stories that were collaborations between NUELOW Games favorite Ralph Mayo and the legendary artist Frank Frazetta, whom was given some of his most important breaks at the start of career by Mayo. While there are some rough patches here and there, due to Frazetta's inexperience, the energy that crackles on each page more than makes up for it, as does the sweet nature of these romantic comedy of errors tales. In addition to the comics, the book features a ROLF! battle scenario which brings Kathy together with NUELOW's mascot the Black Cat.

Art by Tony Di Preta
Sherry Flippe is another NUELOW release that brings back an obscure humor series, collecting for the first time anywhere the best it had to offer. It's a screwball spoof of detective and mystery stories that morphs into a send-up of movie making and celebrity culture as it evolves. In addition to the classic comics, it features an RPG scenario that can be played either with ROLF! or Lester Smith's D6xD6 Core Roleplaying Game.


Thursday, September 17, 2015

Donald Trump and Jeb Bush ala ROLF!

It had to be done. You can now use You vs. Me or ROLF!:The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters to pit Jeb and The Donald against each other in a fight to the death. Or you can have them square off against Big H, or perhaps even B.O. himself. (Their stats can be found in ROLF!: Super Muslim Bros., among other places.)

The Donald and Jeb. Two Dweebs Enter. One Dweeb Leaves.

JEB BUSH (Male)
(aka JEB)
Brawn 15, Body 12, Brains 5
   Traits: Improv Master*, Squeamish
   Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Dodge, Signature Move*, Strategic Bleeding
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Expensive Suit and Tie (Clothes). Pocket Knife (Small Melee Weapon. Deals 1 point of damage).

DONALD TRUMP (Male)
(aka The Donald)
Brawn 17, Body 11, Brains 4
   Traits: Coldhearted, Obnoxious
   Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Bitch Slap, Debate Philosophy, Withering Insult*
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Expensive Suit and Tie (Clothes). Hair (Armor, absorbs 1 point of damage).

*These traits and combat maneuvers are detailed in Relentlessly Gay, as well as other ROLF! supplements.

New Trait
This is a trait that has not been included in any ROLF! supplements. It appears here for the first time.
   Obnoxious: You roll against your ATT Body when using your Debate Philosophy combat maneuver (instead of ATT Brains, as is usually called for). Your arguments are so wrongheadedly obnoxious that, in addition to the function described in the core rules, you inflict 1 point of damage to all characters in the fight (including yourself). This damage ignores armor. All characters may roll a separate Brains ATT check to avoid the damage.

Saturday, September 12, 2015

Four Years in the Making: Relentlessly Gay!

Before it was hip to jump up and down and declare how "inclusive" your game products were, NUELOW Games was quietly built it into the heart of what have become our flagship (only) game--ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters.

When it became trendy to jump up and down and tell the world how inclusive your games were, we kept doing what we'd been doing on and off since 1994: We just put characters in supplements without issuing press releases.


We're still not issuing press releases, but we have gone ahead and made it obvious that we are "inclusive," because we have just released Relentlessly Gay, a product so inclusive that it is crammed with characters who possess the Same Sex Preference trait, who come from the present, the past, and future, are of various ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds, and so on, and so forth. This is the biggest ROLF! supplement we've released so far, compiling not only the characters, but also key bits of the game that have developed over the past four years in the various supplements (such as the rules for inventors and scientists, expanded mutant rules, specific melee vs. ranged combat rules, and much more). Relentlessly Gay will hopefully make ROLF! players relentlessly happy, because a lot of stuff is now consolidated in one place--you know... all-inclusive.

To make Relentlessly Gay EXTRA inclusive, we included some OGL d20 System content. Some of it's been previously seen here on the blog and officially released in products, but there's an all-new talent tree and feat as well.

Click here to see previews of Relentlessly Gay, or to get your own copy at RPGNow.

Monday, August 31, 2015

The Black Dwarf and his Gangbusting Gang

The never-before-revealed origin of the Black Dwarf and his cadre of crime-fighting semi-reformed criminals! (By Steve Miller, based on characters created by Paul Gattuso. Read more in The Black Dwarf from NUELOW Games.)

Art by Paul Gattuso.

In 1940, professional football player Peter "Shorty" Wilson was injured during a game and left unable to play. He retired and managed to turn his small nest egg into a large fortune with a series of successful investments With his new-found fortune Shorty became a target for grifters, gangsters, and thieves. As fearsome has he had been on the football field, Shorty was unequipped to deal with this new onslaught... and his new fortune was almost taken from him as soon as he gained it. Even his own accountant was stealing from him.

But one of the grifters came to his aid. Patricia "Arsenic" Gaynes originally entered Shorty's life looking only for his money, but his good humor and good heart soon made her fall in love with him. She revealed herself to him,  showed him all the ways he was being taken advantage of, and helped him bring several of the crooks to justice and recover as much of his money as possible.

One of the predators who had come after Shorty's fortune was not going to go away easily--Victor Spunetti, One of the city's most feared gangsters, Spunetti operated a number of illegal gambling parlors and other shady businesses. Shorty's accountant had been paying off gambling debts to Spunetti using Shorty's accounts, and he had further led the gangster to believe that Shorty was paying the mortgage on one of the gangster's buildings as an investment. When that stopped, the gangster came to meet Shorty and demand his money. Shorty, over Arsenic's warnings, beat him up and threw him into the street.

Spunetti vowed revenge against Shorty. To protect her love, Arsenic turned to some friends--cat-burglar Terry "The Fly" Holcomb and pickpocket Matthew "Dippy" Mason. She asked them to keep an eye on Spunetti and his key hoods and give her warnings if they were moving on Shorty--something they did gladly, since they had themselves been threatened by Spunetti's crew. Within days, the warning game that Spunetti had dispatched expert safe-cracker and reputed assassin Joseph "Nitro" Lemerise to rob the safe in Shorty's home. If Shorty also happened to get blown up in the process, Nitro would receive a huge bonus.

Shorty and Arsenic grabbed Nitro the moment he entered the apartment. The safe-cracker offered to help them deal with Spunetti if they would forget he tried to rob them. When asked why they should trust him, Nitro explained that he wasn't an assassin--and that anyone who thought he was was dredging up memories of an accident he'd rather forget. THOSE people, like Spunetti, he didn't mind blowing up,

A few nights later, Shorty, Arsenic, Nitro, and The Fly struck at Spunetti's fortified mansion. The Fly climbed the walls to an upper window and let them in through a side door. Arsenic distracted a guard, so Shorty and Nitro could get into Spunetti's office and break into his safe where the ledgers of his illegal businesses were kept. Before they managed to crack it, Arsenic and The Fly were captured by Spunetti. Shorty, desperate to rescue them, but knowing he was out-gunned, grabbed a blackout curtain from the office windows and a gaucho hat from a rack, put them on, and burst into room where Spunetti was about to torture Arscenic for information.

Shorty's bizarre appearance startled the assembled thugs to the point where Arsenic was able to snatch Spunetti's knife and use it to stab him, while Shorty gunned down the rest of the gangsters. As they prepared to flee the scene, the sole surviving gangster asked, "Who are you?" of Shorty.

"I am the one who's going to put an end to all crooks and racketeers in this city," Shorty replied. "Tell your gutter-scum friends that the Black Dwarf is coming for them."

Safely back in Shorty's apartment, Arsenic asked where the "Black Dwarf gag" had come from. Shorty replied that it was just a spur of the moment thing, but that maybe it was worth pursuing. For all of them.

"If you three go straight," he said, "together we can go good for the law-abiding citizens of this town. We can use your knowledge of the underworld to bring it down. In the process, you can make more money than you could if you continued being crooks: Everyone gangster we bring down will have a bankroll that we'll skim part of that you can split. How does that sound?"

"For love or money, darling," Arsenic said, "I'm in."

"I'm okay with just the money," The Fly said, with a broad grin. Dippy nodded in agreement.

"We'll need a hide-out that can't be traced back to your lovely home, boss," Nitro stated. "I know just the joint..."

--
The Black Dwarf is available at RPGNow and DriveThruComics. It collects six tales with art by the character's creator--Paul Gattuso. It contains the selection of RPG material you've come to expect from our releases. Meanwhile, here are ROLF! stats for Shorty and his pals.

Art by Paul Gattuso


THE BLACK DWARF (Male)
aka Peter "Shorty" Wilson
Brawn 22, Body 15 (includes +1 Hat Bonus), Brains 7
  Traits: Honorable, Martial Artist, Nimble
  Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dodge, Double Tap, Kung Fu Face, Murderous Mitts, Run Away!, Sure Shot, Withering Insult
  Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Two Automatic Pistols (Medium Weapon, both fire simultaneously. Deals 4 points of damage that ignore armor.) Black Gaucho Hat (+1 Body when worn). Black Cassock and Cape (Superhero Outfit, armor, absorbs up to 2 points of damage).

ARSENIC (Female)
aka Patricia Gaynes
Brawn 17, Body 17, Brains 6
  Traits: Dead-Eye, Improv Master, Nimble
  Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Castrate, Disarm, Run Away!, Seduce, Strike Pose, Sure Shot
  Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Fashionable Clutch (Purse, Small Melee Weapon, deals 1 point of damage). Pistol (Small Weapon, deals 2 points of damage that ignore armor). Slinky Dress (Clothes).

DIPPY (Male)
aka Matthew Mason
Brawn 16 (includes +1 Hat Bonus), Body 15, Brains 5
   Traits: Nimble
   Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Knock Out, Snatch Weapon, The Walk, Walk and Chew Gum
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Sap (Small Melee Weapon, deals 1 point of damage that ignores armor. If used at the beginning of the ABBA sequence, a struck character must make a successful ATT Brawn check or be knocked unconscious.) Fedora (+1 to Brawn when worn)

NITRO (Male)
aka Joseph Lemerise
Brawn 13, Body 11, Brains 5
   Traits: Coldhearted, Dead-Eye
   Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disembowel, Double Strike, Run Away!, Signature Move
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Knife (Small Melee Weapon, deals 1 point of damage). Mini-bombs (Ranged OR Melee Weapon, deals 5 points of damage that ignore armor to all characters within Melee Range of where the bomb goes off).

THE FLY (Male)
aka Terry Holcomb
Brawn 18, Body 13, Brains 5
   Traits: Improv Master, Nimble
   Combat Maneuvers: Backflip, Basic Attack, Climb the Walls, Dodge, Run Away!
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Nothing.



Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Rick Astley... it's how we roll!


There has been a lack of Rick Astley-based RPG material. That changes NOW, as NUELOW Games presents the Man Himself as seen through the lens of the ROLF! rollplaying game, as well as a talent tree for OGL d20 Modern that was inspired by his mighty presence.



RICK ASTLEY ALA ROLF!
Now you can have Rick roll characters in ROLF! Battle Scenarios of your own creation!

RICK ASTLEY (Male)
Brawn 12, Body 16, Brains 7
   Traits: Great Hair, Improv Master, Irrepressible Optimist, Nimble
   Battle Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dancing Machine, Disarm, Signature Move, Seduce, Strike Pose, Yodel
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Brown Trenchcoat (armor, absorbs up to 1 point of damage). Turtleneck Sweater (clothes).

New Trait
Great Hair: Provides a -1 to all Seduce ATT checks, added after any other bonuses or penalties have been applied. (Only applicable if the character isn't wearing a Hat.)




The Rick Astley Talent Tree 
For OGL d20 Modern. Presented under the Open Game License
(Copyright ©2015 Steve Miller)
 Charismatic Heroes, Dedicated Heroes, and Fast Heroes may select talents from this tree. They are also available to any character who possesses any one Minor Power feat (defined here, as part of the NUELOW Games OGL Superpowers System).
   Never Gonna Give You Up, Never Gonna Let You Down: +4 bonus to all Bluff skill checks and Will saves that involve keeping the secrets of allied characters. When attempting to aid another with a skill check, if you roll a 10 or higher on your check, the character you're helping gets a +4 bonus on his or her check; if you roll a 15 or higher, he or she gets a +8 bonus to his or her check.
   Never Gonna Run Around and Desert You: Whenever you are within 10 ft. of an ally, you gain a+6 bonus to saving throws to resist all Charm and Fear effects--even if one would normally not be allowed--and you have a +4 bonus on rolls to resist the Intimidate skill.
    Never Gonna Make You Cry, Never Gonna Say Goodbye: Your allies gain a +4 bonus to all Morale checks when within 10 feet of you. If you are dropped below -10 hit points through any means, you may roll a Fort save (DC18) to be restored to exactly 0 hit points. If the source of the damage is ongoing, you may continue making these rolls until you are rescued. If you fail the Fort save and die, you immediately gain the Disembodied template.
   Never Gonna Tell a Lie or Hurt You: Like the Never Gonna Run around and Desert You talent, except you have complete immunity to Fear and Charm effects when within 10 feet of an ally, and the bonus to resist Intimidate skill checks increases to +8.
   Prerequisite: Never Gonna Run around and Desert You



(Never fear... it's the actual song. We rather like it here at NUELOW Central.)

And here's a link to an "RPG Battle Music" arrangement of Rick's timeless masterpiece....

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

It only comes once a year! Get your Bill Clinton Birthday Box!

August 19th is Bill Clinton's birthday, and YOU get the present! And this is an extra special birthday... because he's turning 69! SCHWIING!



Celebrate the birthday of America's 42nd president with a bundle of ROLF! scenarios detailing his amazing adventures with his wife Hilary and his arch-nemesis Anthony Weiner! Sitting US president Barack Obama also makes a special guest appearance -- meaning you can use this material to create battle scenarios starring both of America's First Black Presidents!

Click here to get your copy of the Bill Clinton Birthday Box! It won''t be around for long, so don't hesitate! If you don't get it now, you'll have to wait another year for the deal!

As a special treat, we're adding two of Clinton's pals which have been left out of the official products in this post. (Maybe we'll get around to adding them to an official ROLF! release by Bill's next birthday!)



AL GORE (Male)
Brawn 27, Body 12, Brains 5
  Traits: Egomaniac, Holier Than Thou, Limousine Liberal
  Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Dodge, Double Strike, Run Away!
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Global Warming Report (Melee Weapon, deals 2 points of damage).





MONICA LEWINSKY (Female)
Brawn 19, Body 15, Brains 4
  Traits: Nimble
  Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Castrate, Seduce, Strike Pose
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Bottle of Mouthwash (Melee Weapon, deals 1 point of damage).





Thursday, July 30, 2015

R.E.A.L. Genius

There's a guy out there who launched a protest against a recent staging of "The Producers," because he believes it uses Hitler and Nazis as sources of laughter and amusement. You can read about his efforts here.

That is not a satirical article at a satirical site. Jeffrey Imm and his group are quite real (or R.E.A.L, if you will.) and his protest against "The Producers" is just as real. Never mind that every word he writes or speaks on the subject shows that he has absolutely no idea what goes on in the storyline, nor what roll Hitler and Nazis play in it. That is obvious than in his blog post where he called for the protest, and says things like, "The folly of tolerating or dismissing Adolf Hitler’s legacy of 'racial purity' hate has led to yet more American deaths" and "We need you to urge them to end the scenes in the Olney Theatre presentation about Adolf Hitler and the twisted “comedy” of 'Springtime for Hitler.'"

"The Producers" stage musical is based on the 1968 film by Mel Brooks. Here's a sample from that original film. This is probably the number that has Imm all worked up.




Or maybe this one (which is a clip from the movie based on the musical based on The Producers). It would probably follow the above clip, if there really was a musical titled "Springtime for Hitler."




Of course, I may be giving him too much credit. He may not even have seen those clips.

Where Imm shows his ignorance most clearly is that "Springtime for Hitler" does NOT equal "The Producers." It's role in the story is to not make light of Nazi atrocities, nor to "normalize" Nazi symbols... it's role is to be the worst play ever staged. In fact, nothing in The Producers movie and "The Producers" musical tolerates or dismisses Hitler's legacy of hate, as Imm likes to pretend; if anything, it dismisses those who would respect it by showing them to be fools and lunatics.

The good news is that almost no one responded to Imm's calls for protests. Reportedly, he was a one-man outrage brigade outside the Maryland theatre putting on the play that was the target of his ire. His attempt to rally people to his cause was a complete failure... and it may even have sold some extra tickets as these things often have the opposite effect than what those organizing them hope for. Especially when they're coming from a position of ignorance like Imm.

That got us thinking here at NUELOW Games. If Imm can generate free publicity for a production of "The Producers," maybe he can do the same for us! It's understandable, given his ignorance regarding  the actual content an award-winning classic that's been around since 1968, that he wouldn't have heard of us, nor the fact that we've used Hitler in several releases.

If someone would be so kind so as to call Imm and R.E.A.L.'s attention to ROLF!: The Death of Adolf Hiter (in which a time-traveling Chuck Norris takes on Nazi super-soldiers and the Big A himself) and ROLF!: Dead Presidents (in which Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy team up to thwart Kim Jong Il and Adolf Hitler in the afterlife) Each is just as worthy of their ire as "The Producers"--perhaps even more-so, since a gamer has to assume control of Hitler during the battle scenarios.

(Oh! Hitler is also featured in Complete Golden Age Oddballs: Kismet & Penny Parker! We are terrible, TERRIBLE people here at NUELOW Games.

Featuring HITLER!
Featuring HITLER!
Featuring HITLER!


Someone also needs to call Imm and R.E.A.L.'s attention to other NUELOW Games outrages. While trying to explain why protesting "The Producers" is right and proper, Imm stated, "It would be no more funny if somebody did a comedy with a play that’s not going to work because it’s about Osama bin Laden."

Well... Imm might not find Osama bin Laden funny, but we do--or at least we find him a more-than-deserving target of mockery and contempt. We've mocked him and his fellow psychopaths in ROLF!: The Death of Osama bin Laden, ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace, and ROLF!: Bill Clinton and the Secret City of Women. We also probably used him in some other battle scenarios we're not remembering at the moment--evil bastards like bin Laden and his followers and admirers should be mocked frequently and without mercy or reserve as far as we're concerned.

But Jeffrey Imm and R.E.A.L. disagree. We deserve the brunt of their wrath, because we've been very VERY bad (and we hunger for free publicity!)

And while we're at it, here are ROLF! stats for Mr. Imm and one of the R.E.A.L. supporters who might come out to protest "The Producers."

Jeffrey Imm of R.E.A.L.
JEFFREY IMM (Male)
Brawn 18, Body 13, Brains 5
   Traits: Dour, Improv Master
   Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Disarm, Dodge, Strike Pose
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Protest Sign (Armor, absorbs up to 2 points of damage).

R.E.A.L. Member (Male or Female)
Brawn 10, Body 12, Brains 3
   Traits: Dour
  Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Run Away!, Strategic Bleeding
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Protest Sign (Large Melee Weapon, deals 3 points of damage).

(Sadly, some of the causes Jeffrey Imm and R.E.A.L. have made a ruckus about are actually worth protesting over--I know this because I probably spent more time looking into Imm and R.E.A.L. than he did on "The Producers." I wonder if he recently took a blow to the head or something.)

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Totally Unauthorized -- ROLF!: The Dukes of Hazzard

Pre-Generated Characters based on "The Dukes of Hazzard" television series (1979 - 1985). Vehicle rules for ROLF! can be found in this free download.




THE CHARACTERS
BO DUKE (Male)
Brawn 23, Body 13, Brains 5
Traits: Driver, Irrepressible Optimist
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dodge, Murderous Mitts, Run Away!, Seduce,
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Wrench (Small Melee Weapon, deals 2 points of damage). Drives the General Lee.

BOSS HOGG (Male)
Brawn 20, Body 9 (includes +1 Hat Bonus), Brains 6
Traits: Coldhearted, Short-tempered
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disarm. Double-Strike, Eat Lunch, Seduce, Walk and Chew Gum
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded. White Stetson Hat (+1 to Body when worn). White Suit (clothes). Big Cigar (One-shot Melee Weapon, deals 1 point of damage).

DAISY DUKE (Female)
Brawn 21, Body 15, Brains 5
Traits: Driver, Improv Master, Irrepressible Optimist
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dodge, Strike Pose, Seduce, Yodel
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Tiny Cut-off Shorts (Clothes, barely covers nakedness). Drives the Dixie.

LUCAS "LUKE" DUKE (Male)
Brawn 25, Body 12, Brains 6
Traits: Dead Eye, Improv Master, Sense of Honor
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disarm, Knock Out, Murderous Mitts, Run Away!, Signature Move
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Compound Bow with Explosive Arrows (Large Ranged Weapon, deals 5 points of damage that ignore armor). Rides in the General Lee (with Bo Duke)



SHERIFF COLTRANE (Male)
Brawn 20, Body 11, Brains 3
Traits: Cowardly, Driver
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dodge, Disarm, Run Away!
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Pistol (Medium Ranged Weapon, deals 3 points of damage that ignores armor), Drives a Police Cruiser.

UNCLE JESSE (Male)
Brawn 18, Body 10, Brains 5
Traits: Improv Master, Old
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disarm, Dodge, Run Away!
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Coveralls (Armor, absorbs 1 point of damage). Shotgun (Ranged Weapon, deals 3 points of damage that ignore armor).




THE CARS
POLICE CRUISER (Automobile)
Body 19, Speed 7, Maneuverability 3. Weapon: None

THE DIXIE (Automobile)
Body 18, Speed 7, Maneuverability 5. Weapon: None

 THE GENERAL LEE (Automobile)
Body 25, Speed 7, Maneuverability 4, Weapon: None

Thursday, July 9, 2015

ROLF! Stats for THE LORD!

Jesus Christ has been a recurring pre-generated character in the ROLF! game line (appearing in Jesus vs. Santa vs. Santos, Night of the Easter Bunny, and elsewhere), but we've never provided stats for his Dad.

We fix that oversight today.

"I'd introduce myself, but that might be taking MY  name in vain."
GOD (aka Yahoo-Wahoo [Cartoon History of the Universe Reference]) 
Brawn 40, Body 20, Brains 12
   Attributes: Dour, God, Holier Than Thou, Improv Master, Inventor, Same Sex Preference
   Combat Maneuvers: Whatever He Wants, including Spellings. (He's the LORD!)
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: The Burning Bush (Armor AND weapon, absorbs up to 20 points of damage, deals 5 points of damage that ignore armor to all within melee range each round) OR Snazzy White Beard (Armor, absorbs 2 points of damage) and Fashionable Robes (Armor, absorbs 2 points of damage).
  Special: By taking no other action in a round, GOD can ask other fighters to bow down in his honor. Those who do, immediately gain the Agent of the Divine trait. Those who refuse are immediately destroyed at the beginning of the next round and removed from the battle. GOD then says, "Well... shit. I may have overreacted just a little bit there. Here. Let me show you this pretty rainbow. It's both my apology and my promise that I won't ever pitch a fit like that again. I hope. I have some anger issues, but I'm working through them. I swear to... um. ME.)
   Extra Special: GOD can change HIS sex from Male to Female by using one of HIS actions in a round. HE then becomes SHE until SHE changes sex again. HIS beard is replaced by an elaborate, gem-encrusted necklace that's so large it covers HER breasts (sort of...but it is armor that absorbs up to 2 points of damage).

With GOD appearing here on the blog, this is considered official content for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters. Feel free unleash HIM on your unsuspecting players.






Saturday, July 4, 2015

Now Available--
'Complete Golden Age Oddballs: Major Victory & Yankee Girl'!

Leave it to us geniuses at NUELOW Games forget to mention our Fourth of July release on our very own blog!

Art by Charles Sultan & Ralph Mayo
Just in time for America's Independence Day, we published the completely patriotic Complete Golden Age Oddballs: Major Victory & Yankee Girl.

This fifth entry in the Complete Golden Age Oddballs puts the spotlight on two great characters from the production studio of comic book industry pioneer Harry "A" Chesler. It includes every one of the original stories (illustrated by great talents like Ralph Mayo, Al Plastino, Ralph Mayo, and Charles Sultan) and covers featuring the characters. It also includes all-new material for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big, Dumb Fighters and OGL d20 Modern.

Click here to see previews, or to purchase your own copy, of this totally patriotic collection of classic comics at DriveThruComics. You can also get it at RPGNow or DriveThruRPG.

For additional previews of the book, click here to visit our sister blog Shades of Gray.


Thursday, July 2, 2015

A Random ROLF! Character

I'm not even doing a Battle Scenario for this one... but maybe she can form the heart of something down the road. (There are lots of little tidbits like this scattered all over this blog. Every so often, either L.L. Hundal or I rediscover them, and they show up in a product.)

As for backgrounds.. here are a couple:

1. Maddie the Hatter is a time- and dimension traveling assassin. No one knows how she does it, but she always find her target, no matter when or where they might be.

2. Maddie was on her way to a costume party when the Martians invaded and conquored Earth. She comes from a long line of mystics, and she has turned to using her magical powers to fight the invaders while comforting and healing her fellow freedom fighters.


MADDIE THE HATTER (Female)
Brawn 20 (includes +1 Hat bonus), Body 15, Brains 6
   Traits: Coldblooded, Improv Master, Same-Sex Preference
   Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dodge, Furious Fists, Run Away!, Spelling (Good Touch), Strike Pose
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Big-ass Hat (Hat, provides +1 bonus to Brawn when worn). Cute Jacket and Mini-Skirt (Clothes). Thigh-high Boots (Armor AND Leggings, absorbs up to 1 point of damage).

All the traits and combat maneuvers not included in the basic ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game rulebook used to make Maddie will be included in the forthcoming Relentlessly Gay mega-supplement.