We have a ROLF! release planned in celebration, but the nefarious Agents of HUMMUS (Human Underlings of the Martian Military Unified Services and the sinister forces of POTS (People's Organization for Terrorism and Socialism) raided our offices and absconded with L.L. Hundal and the computer files for ROLF!: "Bond. Jane Bond."
We're still hoping that she wlll be rescued in time for us to release the product for Bond Day--but if all else fails we'll put it out to coincide with the new James Bond film Skyfall. (And for the record, the NUELOW Games staff thinks that this looks like the first real Bond movie in quite some time--Casino Royale and Quantum of Solace don't count; they may have aspired to be Bond movies, but they didn't hit the mark.
Meanwhile, by way of a preview of ROLF!: "Bond. Jane Bond.", here's the cover illo by Charles Baskerville and Karl M.), as well as game stats for Agent 002, the ultimate Bond Girl!
JANE BOND, AGENT 002 (Female)
Brawn 31; Body 16; Brains 11.
Traits: Dead-Eye, Hard to Kill, Improv Master, Nimble, Stone Cold Killer
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Designer Evening Gown (Clothes). Mini-bombs (Ranged Weapons. 3 shots. Attached to dress. Deals 2 points of damage, ignores armor.) Automatic Pistol (Ranged Weapon. 10 shots. Deals 2 points of damage), Knife (Melee Weapon. Deals 2 points of damage).
And here are the two reasons we here at NUELOW are excited about the new Bond flick, which will be in theaters in November. First, there's the theme song--it's a proper James Bond theme song unlike the crap that opened the last two movies.
And then there's this... the preview that made me think that this is going to be the first real James Bond movie since Daniel Craig took over the role.
It looks like it's going to be lots of fun!
(Speaking of fun, you might also want to take a look at The Sheik: A Literary (?) Spoof, a ROLF! supplement containing a short story by Robert E. Howard that DID make it through our process successfully! Check here to see previews and get a copy.
The latest NUELOW Games supplement for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters unveils a massive conspiracy while giving those of your crazy enough to run actual ROLF! campaigns some jumping off points for your own creativity.
"Red Robin vs. The Editor & the Clones of Romney" is a must-have if you've enjoyed any of our recent superhero-themed efforts, or ROLF! products like "The Breast Hope for Peace" and "Gaddafi's Angels." In addition to three linked battle scenarios of global importance, it features rules for having cloned characters, statistics for three pre-grenerated characters, and new Traits and Combat Maneuvers.
Here's a pre-generated character that can be used to augment ROLF! scenarios like The Breast Hope for Peace or Gaddafi's Angels, Flem El Lahab (aka Bruce Gevlam aka The Flamer aka Bruce the Flamer aka Suger Buns). His favorite things to do are attending al-Qaeda meetings, killing Infidels, taking long showers with his fellow terrorists, and singing along with ABBA and Boney M. songs. His sign is Virgo.
Flem El Lahab, aka Bruce the Flamer (Male)
Brawn 16, Body 14, Brains 6 Traits: Dumb, Nimble, Misogynist, Same Sex Preference Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dance Move, Double Strike, Yodel, Seduce, Strike Pose
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: AK-47 Assault Rifle (Large Ranged Weapon, deals 4 points of damage that ignore armor. Can also be used as melee weapon and deal 2 points of damage).
El Lahab strutting his stuff at a recent al Qaeda get-together in Libya
It may come as a shock to you, but I am not terribly hip or with-it, so pop culture phenomenons often leave me scratching my head. (L.L. Hundal is slightly more in touch with the coolness of the universe, but that's because she lives in the pop cultural mecca that is Salt Lake City.)
When I first started listening to Psy's "Gangnam Style", I was thinking "Geeze, another cookie-cutter piece of crap." But I then I noticed how hilarious the video was. The VIDEO is what makes this thing worth listening to. It's full of hilarity, some screamingly obvious and others subtle but all perfectly timed.
As for the lyrics, I've now know what they say, courtesy of this webpage, and the video does them justice:
- Gangnam Style -
Oppa is Gangnam style Gangnam style A girl who is warm and humanle during the day A classy girl who know how to enjoy the freedom of a cup of coffee A girl whose heart gets hotter when night comes A girl with that kind of twist I’m a guy A guy who is as warm as you during the day A guy who one-shots his coffee before it even cools down A guy whose heart bursts when night comes That kind of guy Beautiful, loveable Yes you, hey, yes you, hey Beautiful, loveable Yes you, hey, yes you, hey Now let’s go until the end Oppa is Gangnam style, Gangnam style Oppa is Gangnam style, Gangnam style Oppa is Gangnam style Eh- Sexy Lady, Oppa is Gangnam style Eh- Sexy Lady oh oh oh oh A girl who looks quiet but plays when she plays A girl who puts her hair down when the right time comes A girl who covers herself but is more sexy than a girl who bares it all A sensable girl like that I’m a guy A guy who seems calm but plays when he plays A guy who goes completely crazy when the right time comes A guy who has bulging ideas rather than muscles That kind of guy Beautiful, loveable Yes you, hey, yes you, hey Beautiful, loveable Yes you, hey, yes you, hey Now let’s go until the end Oppa is Gangnam style, Gangnam style Oppa is Gangnam style, Gangnam style Oppa is Gangnam style Eh- Sexy Lady, Oppa is Gangnam style Eh- Sexy Lady oh oh oh oh On top of the running man is the flying man, baby baby I’m a man who knows a thing or two On top of the running man is the flying man, baby baby I’m a man who knows a thing or two You know what I’m saying Oppa is Gangnam style Eh- Sexy Lady, Oppa is Gangnam style Eh- Sexy Lady oh oh oh oh
And the video and the lyrics become even funnier if you know how they fit into the map of Korean society. This article explains that nicely.
With every success, comes parodies and covers... and "Gangnam Syle" is no exception. I keep typing it "Gundam Style", so there may be a good parody based off that coming eventually... but not yet.)
We're going to give you the best parody up front... it takes "Gangnam Style" and crosses it with the characters and music from one of the greatest movies ever made--"Big Trouble in Little China." The result is "Lo Pan Style"... and watch for the great cameo from James Wong.
Here's one from Jervy Hou that's almost as funny as the original. For your amusement: "Gunman Style."
And not to be outdone, the Klingons and Trekkies are getting in on the action with the hilarious "Oppa Klingon Style".
And here's a Japanese perspective with "You Study Like Sh*t"....
And then there's this:
Finally, here's an alternate English translation being performed. :)
NUELOW Games is aggressively pursuing the RPG license for a forthcoming cinematic masterpiece of existential modern-day psychological horror. We are, truly, the only RPG publisher with the level of style and class who could do it justice.
Prepare yourself for the terror of GHOST TITS by watching the bone-chilling preview...
The latest NUELOW Games release for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters answers the age old question: Who would win in a fight--Pirates or Fairies?
Now you and your game group can discover the answer in ROLF!: Pirates vs. Fairies. For just $0.50, you'll get five pre-generated characters that are ready for battle, never-before-seen Traits to let you make your own ROLF! fairies, and the usual assortment of Combat Maneuvers and Battle Scenarios.
UPDATE:
We've been told that the age old question is whether Pirates or Ninjas would win in a fight. Oh well. I guess we're living up to our image as cutting edge by asking a question no one has asked before!! (And for the record, we answered the Pirates vs. Ninjas question in Cap'n Jack on the Isle of Pirate's Doom.)
When the world is threatened by the Cult of Kathulos, only the combined might of the world's foremost fantasy author and man of adventure R.L. McSterlingthong and mad scientist Nikola Tesla can save us!
R.L. McSterlingthong and Nikolai Tesla vs. The Daughter of Skull-Face is a ROLF! supplment that's almost as epic as one R.L. McSterlingthong's novels. With game statistics for McSterlingthong, Tesla, the Daughter of Skull-Face, and Kathulos Cultists, and four linked battle scenarios, it features the same level of realism and careful research you have come to expect from NUELOW Games ever since we released ROLF!: The Death of Osama bin Laden.
