Showing posts with label ROLF!. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ROLF!. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Tara: Marauder of the Spacelanes!

Among the projects we have in the works is a collection of "Tara" sci-fi adventure stories, retrieved from the pages of Wonder Comics. The book will include an all new "origin story" (as one has never before been published) and RPG character and equipment stats for use with ROLF! and d20 OGL Modern.

By way of a preview, here's the art by Alex "Xela" Schomburg that will appear on the cover (before masthead and text is applied). Tara is shown rescuing her friend Robin... because it's not always the damsel that gets tied up. Also, below are ROLF! stats for Robin and Tara, so you can start using them in your Battle Scenarios even before our comics/rpg hybrid book is out!


ROBIN (Male)
Brawn 28, Body 17, Brains 5
   Traits: Driver, Too Sexy For My Shirt, Honorable
   Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disarm, Dodge, Signature Move, Strike Pose
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Space Pirate Boots (Armor AND Leggings, absorbs 1 point of damage). Atomic Sword (Melee AND Ranged Weapon, deals 3 points of damage).

TARA (Female)
Brawn 25, Body 18, Brains 11
   Traits: Driver, Honorable, Nimble
   Combat Maneuvers: Backflip, Basic Attack, Bitchslap, Disarm, Disembowel, Dodge, Double Strike, Hypnotize, Murderous Mitts, Seduce, The Look
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Space Dress (Clothes/Armor, absorbs 1 point of damage). Space Pirate Boots (Armor AND Leggings, absorbs 1 point of damage). Atomic Sword (Melee AND Ranged Weapon, deals 3 points of damage),

(Tara: Marauder of the Spacelanes will be NUELOW Games' second collection of classic sci-fi comics. The first was Spacehawk: Lone Wolf of the Void. Click here to see previews of that book.)


Monday, February 16, 2015

Happy President's Day!

President's Day is one of the most confusing Federal holidays on the calendar. Some people will tell you it's in honor of George Washington's birthday. Others will tell you it's in honor of Abraham Lincoln's birthday. Yet others will INSIST that it's in honor of both Washington and Lincoln's birthday. A rare few will tell you tht it's not President's Day but Presidents' Day and that it is there to honor ALL U.S. presidents. The truth is that it celebrates George Washington's birthday. Period. End of story. There has NEVER been a federal holiday recognizing Lincoln or any president other than Washington. And it's President's Day, not Presidents' Day.

At NUELOW Games, in order to sow confusion, we are taking today to recognize ALL U.S. presidents by spotlighting the various ROLF! titles we've released that feature them as characters you can play. In all cases, click on the links in the titles to be taken the title's listing for further previews.


 
 


First up, there's The Associated Shades of Hades ROLF! adaptation. It contains stats for George Washington, but we haven't actually used him in a Battle Scenario. We will have to rectify that situation one of these days.




Dead Presidents, the perfect battle scenario for those who want to honor Lincoln on President's Day. It pits the spirits of two of America's greatest presidents against the nefarious spirits of Adolf Hitler and Kim Jong Il.




We have two Battle Scenarios featuring America's horniest president -- Bill Clinton Meets a Girl Scout and Bill Clinton and the Secret City of Women. Join Bill as he bravely chases skirts where no president has chased skirts before, all while avoiding the wrath of his wife and trying to outsmart his rival Anthony Weiner.
 


We have also released several Battle Scenarios involving the current U.S. President, Barack Obama. He's a Peace Prize Winner who has restored America's reputation in the world. He also stopped the seas from rising! In the Breast Hope for Peace, he teams up with other world leaders to stop a terrorist attack and battle Martians; in Dragon vs. Tiger, he joins with Tiger Woods to stop terrorism on the golf course; and in Super Muslim Bros., we reveal how he saved Egypt from being overrun by mummies.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

ROLF!: Cupid

We're putting the final touches on a Valentine's Day Special... with the cover and the actual title of the thing being the as-of-yet unresolved issues. (It's not like it's anything important....)

Meanwhile, here's Cupid as he appears in the ROLF! battle scenario included in the book (along with the non-core rules used to create him).

CUPID (Male)
Brawn: 10; Body: 14; Brains: 4
   Traits: Agent of the Divine, Dead-Eye, Wings
   Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dodge, Fly, Spelling (Arrow of Love)
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Bow (Medium Ranged Weapon, deals 2 points of damage).

NEW TRAITS
Agent of the Divine: The player may re-roll a number of failed ATT checks for this character per battle equal to his or her Brain ATT. The character with this trait always takes 2 points less damage, no matter what the source (minimum 0 points).
   Dead-Eye: When rolling an ATT check with a ranged weapon, the result is reduced by 4.
   Wings: The character has wings and is able to fly under his or her own power. (A character must have the Agent of the Divine or Mutant trait to have this one.)

NEW COMBAT MANUEVERS
Fly: Upon making a successful Body ATT check, the character can move from melee to ranged combat distance immediately. The character can then choose to use another Combat Maneuver. (Characters must have the Wings Trait in order to use Fly.) ATT Body

NEW SPELLING
   Arrow of Love: While wielding a bow, the character makes a Brawn check. If it is successful, the target is struck by a magic arrow that causes him or her to fall in love with the character nearest to him or her. (The target immediately stops fighting, and tries to use the Strike Pose and Seduce Combat Maneuvers on the target, if he or she has them. If the object of the target's love attacks him or her for two rounds, the effect of this Spelling wears off.)

Monday, February 9, 2015

ANT MUSIC!! (Adam Ant comes to ROLF!)

Although NUELOW Games has never been what even the most generous observers would describe as successful, we continue to hope we'll have a hit some day. Because, in the immortal words of Adam Ant there's always room at the top (and because we've got 18th century brains in 21st century heads)!



"Room at the Top," both the song and video, has been a favorite of the NUELOW Games crew (Steve Miller & L.L. Hundal for newcomers out there) for 25 years now. In fact, we've been big fans of Adam Ant since we were kids. (And if you ask us, any decent, pure-hearted Child of the '80s shares that love!)

Our hands-down favorite Adam Ant song and video remains "Puss 'n Boots," the lead track from Adam Ant's second solo album Strip, A great song with a really fun video. If you ever run into Hundal, ask her to do the "Puss in Boot Dance." She had it down perfectly in 1983... and it's been reported that she can do it to this very day. (However, when I asked her to do it, all she did was make a face at me.)




And, of course, there's "Stand and Deliver." It was perhaps Adam Ant's greatest hit, and it's cool in every way. Like "Room at the Top," it's also a song that speaks to the spirit that animates many of NUELOW Games' products, especially those bearing the ROLF! masthead.




Another song that thematically captures the spirit of NUELOW is "Friend or Foe." The refrain of this song could easily be the NUELOW Games slogan. It could even be my personal creed: "I want those who get to know me/To become my admirers or my enemies."




And here's the Ant Man himself, as viewed through the lens of ROLF!

ADAM ANT (Male)
Brawn 19, Body 17, Brains 6
   Traits: Improv Master, Nimble
   Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dance Move, Dodge, Seduce, Strike Pose, Yodel
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Microphone Stand (Large Melee Weapon, deals 3 points of damage).


Just to bring the post full circle, here's the extended dance version of "Room at the Top." It's Music to Play ROLF! By!




(By the way, Adam Ant and his representatives do not endorse NUELOW Games in any way, shape, or form. We, however, endorse Adam Ant in a major way!)

Friday, February 6, 2015

A Serial Killer Identified...

From the years 1947 through 1955, an uncertain number of violent criminals, rapists, racketeers, and gangsters were murdered by means of having their throats crushed and necks broken. Most of the victims were from Boston or New York City. The police and other law enforcement officials were generally uninterested in pursuing what few clues that existed regarding this killer's identity, given that the victims were those they considered among the most loathsome citizens of the cities they were charged with protecting.

"Sure--I would take this guy down if I come across him in the act," Homicide Detective Steve Harrison of Boston's River Street Precinct said in 1947, "but I'm not going out of my way for it."

There are at least 92 confirmed victims of this killer, but information I have shows that the count could be as high as 182. It's hard to determine an exact number, because of the disinterest the police at the time had in these cases, and because at least two different mob hit men imitated this killer from 1953 to 1954 -- until one of them himself was targeted and slain by the real serial murderer on Halloween of 1954. The other imitator turned himself into the police for protection.

There were never any suspects in the murders, but detectives in both Boston and New York believed the killer was male due to the brute strength required to break someone's neck with bare hands--which is how this killer dispatched victims. However, numerous reports from New York underworld figures and criminals claimed their stalker was a raven-haired, statuesque woman who hid deadly metal hands in a muff. Subsequently, they referred to her The Muff... although they stated that she called to herself as the Iron Lady. The police at the time dismissed these stories as efforts to smear dead rivals, because of their theory that the killer had to be male.


It's been 60 years since the last victim of this mysterious killer had been claimed. What few people who have cared about this case believe that the serial killer must met a violent end or perhaps been incarcerated... because no one that brutal stops killing.

However, I recently came into a surprise inheritance. You may have read about the passing of philanthropist Doris Parker in 2011. I confess that I did not--not enough comic book, games, or movie tie-ins in her life for it to be on my radar--so it was a surprise when Regina Cox of the law firm Pleasant, Vice & Cox told me that I was named in Parker's will.

My dreams of riches ended quickly, however. Parker had left virtually all her property and wealth to the Parker Foundation started by her niece Penelope Parker (whom I have written about in Kismet & Penny Parker). The one exception were her diaries. Those were left to me, with the note, "For Mr. Steve Miller. I think he is the best person to tell the world the truth about me."

The truth about Ms. Doris Parker is not one the world is going to believe. At least not if it comes from someone like me--a guy who makes things up for a living and who posts wild rants on a regular basis to the internet. I think she must have had a twisted sense of humor, but I am flattered that she must have been reading my posts, The truth that her diaries contained was the answers to a mystery more than six decades old. That serial killer who was active between 1947 and 1955 was not a man. It was a woman. It was Doris Parker.

Parker gained her great strength from a pair of mechanical gloves. She targeted her victims on a mad quest to avenge her father. She stopped killing after she became pregnant and decided that she now had a life other than her own to be held accountable for. (When I say she "stopped killing," I mean she stopped killing personally. Her vast fortune paid for numerous assassinations of notorious criminals and murderers across the globe. If you think of some high profile dirtbag who died under mysterious circumstances, chances are he or she was dispatched by killers in Parker's employ. In fact, Yasser Arafat was the final hit she ordered.)

I'm not going to comment on who her daughter (and grandchildren) are, since they are themselves not aware of the connection. Parker may have felt responsible for the life that she brought into this world, but her diary also indicates that she felt she would be an unfit mother, due to what she described as a "soul-numbing, icy rage that is always just below a very thin cover." Her daughter was placed with one of the few people who had figured out that Parker was a serial murdering vigilante--and was raised by them, apart from Parker. She kept track of her child and grandchildren--even secretly funded scholarships for them--but rarely made contact with the adopted family over the years.

I am running a risk making this post. By stating in public that Doris Parker was not only a serial killer but also responsible for commissioning dozens of assassinations over the years, I could be incurring the wrath of the wealthy Parker family. I could also make myself a target for law enforcement from a dozen different countries. Or terrorists and criminals. All sorts of people have reason to want access to Parker's diaries.

Well, I am not very bright when it comes to my own safety--if I was, I wouldn't be running a series on Shades of Grey titled Mohammed Mondays. I am further going to protect myself by releasing selections from the diaries in a forthcoming book simply titled Iron Lady. It will also feature comic book adaptations of several of Doris Parker's kills. This book is complete and already scheduled for release through RPGNow, DriveThruComics, DriveThruRPG, and DriveThruFiction. The content of that book will demonstrate how explosive the diaries are--at least to those who are "in the know."

I may not be bright, but I'm not crazy. I am placing the diaries in the safe keeping of Pleasent, Vice & Cox. All questions about them can be directed there. Also, if anything were to happen to me, I have left instructions that copies of the diaries are to be sent simultaneously to the FBI, CIA, Interpol, BBC, ABC News, FOX News, al-Jazeera, and Glenn Beck.

However, ultimately, I don't think anyone will take any of this seriously. That's why Parker left them to me. How could anyone take ANYTHING I say seriously? Especially since I'm ending this post with a portrait of Doris Parker by Dan Zolnerowich, who together with Bernard Sachs drew the comics for Iron Lady. Not to mention the fact that I'm providing ROLF! game stats for Parker. Would anyone do this if he was worth taking seriously? (Of course not. But I have been known to give ROLF! stats to inappropriate real-life people in the past, as demonstrated in The Breast Hope for Peace and Super Muslim Bros.)

ROLF!: Doris Parker (aka Iron Lady or the Muff)
(created using rules from ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game and ROLF!: POTS vs PANS)

The Muff/Iron Lady (Female)
Aka: Doris Parker
Brawn 21, Body 17, Brains 7
   Traits: Coldhearted, Dour (Item Based Superpower: When wearing mechanical "Executioner Gloves," all unarmed melee damage dealt is doubled)
   Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Castrate, Disarm, Murderous Mitts, The Look
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Slinky Evening Gown (Clothes, barely covers nakedness). Executioner Gloves (Small Melee Weapon and Clothes, doubles all unarmed damage dealt. Cannot be disarmed, but can be taken off by Parker at will, or removed if she is unconscious).

UPDATE
Iron Lady, the book detailing Doris Parker's first steps on the path to becoming one of the most prolific serial killers in history, is now available. Click here to see previews or to get your own copy.

Friday, January 9, 2015

Friday Freebie: Meet Kismet, the original Muslim Superhero


This weekend, Jan 9 - Jan. 11, everyone can download Complete Golden Age Oddballs: Kismet & Penny Parker for free. The book collects for the first time every single appearance of the first Muslim comic book superhero... a figure who is closer to what little would-be Jihadists to aspire to than any real-world role-models they have. It's too bad the character only appeared in an obscure comic book, from an obscure imprint that was barely around for a year.

Maybe, if Kismet had become an international figure like Superman, Batman, or Tintin, maybe psychopaths wouldn't find easy justification in their religious beliefs for acting out, nor would others be so quick to defend their actions or offer broad condemnations that indict truly devout and peaceful Muslims.

Read the stories. See if you can pick up on what I mean. Yes, this is a simple comic book... but Kismet is a far better exemplar of a Warrior of Islam than any member of al Qaida, Boko Haram, Hamas, or any other front-man for a club for psychos has ever been.

Click here to get your free copy of the book at DriveThruComics. (FYI, we also use Kismet, Man of Fate, in our forthcoming Complete Golden Age Oddballs: Iron Lady & Electric Ray.)

You can see some previews of Complete Golden Age Oddballs: Kismet & Penny Parker by visiting the Shades of Gray blog. There are also previews on the listings page at DriveThruComics.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

THE Unauthorized Adaptation of 'The Interview'

The turd-eating bastards who hacked Sony's computer's have issued a threat of violence against theaters that screen The Interview. The threat (via Variety) is as follows:

Warning

We will clearly show it to you at the very time and places “The Interview” be shown, including the premiere, how bitter fate those who seek fun in terror should be doomed to.
Soon all the world will see what an awful movie Sony Pictures Entertainment has made.
The world will be full of fear.
Remember the 11th of September 2001.
We recommend you to keep yourself distant from the places at that time.
(If your house is nearby, you’d better leave.)
Whatever comes in the coming days is called by the greed of Sony Pictures Entertainment.
All the world will denounce the SONY.

More to come…

While Sony's lawyers are too busy suing news outlets for covering the leaks of emails, film scripts, and personal information about the studio's employees and contractors, we here at NUELOW Games are proud to present the ROLF! Adaptation of The Interview.

After you go see the film on opening night--because you're not going to let some fucking terrorists scare you into not seeing a movie, right... you're not even going to give them the satisfaction of claiming they scared you away, right?--you can relive the film or make up your own adventures using ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters and these characters.


THE INTERVIEW: 
AN UNAUTHORIZED ROLLPLAYING GAME ADAPTATION
By Steve Miller 
(Characters Used Without Permission... or it wouldn't be unauthorized)


KIM JONG-UN (Male?)
Brawn 11, Body 7, Brains 3
  Traits: Improv Master
  Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Murderous Mitts, Strike Pose
  Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Snazzy Uniform (Armor. Absorbs 1 point of damage). Outrageous Hairdo (Provides a -1 modifier to Strike Pose ATT checks)




DAVE SKYLARK (Male)
Brawn 11, Body 14, Brains 5
  Traits: Cowardly, Dumb
  Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dodge, Run Away, Strike Pose, Withering Insult
  Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Pistol (Small Ranged Weapon, Four shots. Deals 2 points of damage that ignore armor)




AARON RAPAPORT (Male)
Brawn 12, Body 11, Brains 6
  Traits: Improv Master, Nimble
  Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Double Strike, Disarm, Dodge, Seduce
  Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Pistol (Small Ranged Weapon. Four Shots. Deals 2 points of damage that ignore armor)



AGENT LACEY (Female)
Brawn 14, Body 14, Brains 8
  Traits: Coldblooded, Dead-Eye
  Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disarm, Disembowel, Double Strike, Murderous Mitts, Seduce, Strike Pose, Sure Shot
  Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Spy Gadgets (Two Small Weapons, each deals 2 points of damage, Melee OR Ranged)




SOOK (Female)
Brawn 15 (Includes +1 Hat Bonus), Body 15, Brains 6
  Traits: Improv Master, Nimble
  Combat Maneuvers: Backflip, Basic Attack, Castrate, Disarm, Dodge, Murderous Mitts\
  Important Stuff Worn/Wieded: Snazzy North Korean Military Uniform (Clothes, Thigh-High Boots (Armor, absorbs 1 point of damage), Uniform Cap (Hat, provides +1 Brawn while worn)



And for good measure, a bonus character!


DENNIS RODMAN (Male)
Brawn 18, Body 15, Brains 3
  Traits: Too Sexy for My Shirt, Nimble
  Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Signature Move, Run Away
  Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Massive Dildo (Medium Melee Weapon, deals 3 points of damage)




(For the record, we all here at NUELOW Central suspect this movie is absolute garbage. When the dickless wonders known to the worlds as the "Sony Hackers" say "soon the world will see what an awful movie Sony Entertainment Pictures has made," we believe them. But they've made sure that we will be going to see it. And we'll try to convince others to do the same. We knew that The Love Guru would suck, but we went to see that one, too. Look for Steve to post a review -- assuming it screens somewhere he can get to see it.)





Monday, December 8, 2014

Imagine...

... John Lennon, John Bonham, and Johnny Cash forming a band. Then throw in John Denver and John Philip Sousa. It would be the greatest assembly of musical Johns in this world or the next (well, except maybe They Might Be Giants).


Imagine all those Johns. It isn't hard if you know about NUELOW's re-issue/revision of Houseboat on the River Styx from yet another John -- John Kendrick Bangs. In fact, it would almost be expected, given that Bangs teamed Shakespeare and Sherlock Holmes, and we've previously published supplements that saw Abraham Lincoln join forces with John F. Kennedy to fight Adolf Hitler and Kim Jong Il.

ROLF!: Fugue for Johns in D Minor is a return to the misty land of Hades with another crazy mix of characters, in the land where deceased celebrities and historical figures have adventures with fictional characters. Click here for more information, to see previews of the product, and to get your very own copy.



Thursday, December 4, 2014

More Gamergate Nonsense

Game designer and blogger James Desborough has published #Gamergate: The Card Game through PostMortem Studios. The sell-copy for the game describes it as "by taking the piss out of all sides," something which we delight in here at NUELOW Games. So, that's a plus in James's favor in our book.

Cover art for #Gamergate: The Card Game
A minus against him is the fact it's a game making fun of #Gamergate. I have been disgusted by the various factions in that particular fight for a long time, and Hundal has been bored by them. The only thing #Gamergate confirmed for me is that I am not a gamer (even though I minstakenly identified myself as one for over two decades) and it confirmed for Hundal that she was right to never attend a game convention. The game would have gone completely unnoticed by me and most other people if one of the crusading anti-Gamergate Factions hadn't decided to convince distributor Onebookshelf to drop the game, and other crusaders hadn't decided to beat their chests about how they "stand behind the decision."

NUELOW Games is exclusively distributed by Onebookshelf via their RPGNowDriveThruComicsDriveThruFictionDriveThruRPG, and WarGameVault sites. If we ever add a card game to our line-up, we will undoubtedly sell it at DriveThruCards. I have nothing but nice things to say about Onebookshelf, despite the fact that there's no specific category for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game on their sites. I also believe that they, as a distributor, have the right to carry or not carry whatever products they like. However, NUELOW Games has published (and continues to publish) products that rely on satire, sarcasm, and commentary on current events in politics and popular culture. It is concerning to me that zealots of any stripe can convince a distributor to drop a satirical product because they demand it to be so. If the sell-copy for Desborough's game is accurate, it doesn't sound that different than NUELOW's "Bill Clinton and the Secret City of Women," "The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po" or "Mr. Freedom vs. Blowhard."

There but for the grace of God goes ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game?

I know nothing about Gamergate: The Card Game beyond the cover art and the sell-copy. I am not likely to learn anything more about it, because Gamergate draws fucktards like a corpse draws flies and I want nothing to do with it. But if you're interested in checking out James' game, you can buy it through this website. (You can also read more about it there.)

For even more information, visit his blog here. 

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

ROLF!: Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie

In one of our upcoming releases,we're returning to our old wicked ways of using celebrities in ROLF! products with wild abandon. In addition to Chuck Norris returning for another battle, we're going to be misusing Brad Pitt.

The following ROLF! stats were created for tonight's playtest. I'm including Angelina Jolie here as well, just because. (She will not be appearing in the upcoming product, but who can say what the future will bring?)


ANGELINA JOLIE (Female)
Brawn 13, Body 15, Brains 6
Traits: Irrepressible Optimist, Nimble, Improv Master
Combat Maneuvers: Backflip, Basic Attack, Castrate, Debate Philosophy, Disarm, Strike Pose


BRAD PITT (Male)
Brawn 14, Body 16, Brains 4
Traits: Nimble, Improv Master, Too Sexy for My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dodge, Murderous Mitts, Strike Pose



And if anyone wants to have Angelina and Jennifer fight for Brad, there are stats for Jennifer Aniston in ROLF!: Jennifer vs. the Leprechaun.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Now available -- "Princess Pantha: The Footsteps of Fate"

We've just released the stand-alone sequel to Princess Pantha: The Hunt for M'Gana. It continues the exciting chronicle of an animal tamer turned adventuress, with illustrations by Art Saaf, Gene Fawcette, and Ralph Mayo, all behind a cover by Alex Schomburg.

Painting by Alex Schomburg
Princess Pantha: The Footsteps of Fate sees Pantha and her lover Dane Hunter face danger and treachery in Central America, Central Asia, and other exotic locations. In addition to the classic comics by great creators, the book contains a complete supplement for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game by yours truly and L.L. Hundal.

Click here to see previews of the book, and to get your own copy. Please be sure to let us know what you like and don't like about it. We can't make the next book better if we don't know what you thought of this one!

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Coming soon: A baseball-based product by people who know nothing about baseball

"The Royals are going to the World Series!" someone stated.

"Really?" I thought. "All of them, or just Queen Elizabeth?"

The person was, of course, referring to the Kansas City Royals who are going to the World Series for the first time since 1980s. However, I don't usually associate baseball and "Royals," since I wasn't raised in the States. My partner in Things NUELOW, L.L. Hundal, knows even less about baseball than I do. Therefore, we decided that it was time to do a baseball-themed NUELOW Games product. We've already put our ignorance about politics, social justice, and good manners on display, so why not add sports to the list?

Here is a draft of the cover. The product will contain a ROLF! battle scenario, a OGL d20 Modern rules for making a baseball player PC, and an illustrated guide to help those who, like us, don't know a damn thing about baseball. Art will be by Samm Schwartz. We hope to finish and release the booklet in the next couple of days.


Meanwhile, if you feel like checking out some of our other offerings, you can click here to see previews of them all.


Saturday, September 20, 2014

The roots of ROLF!

NUELOW's ROLF! game began its life as a parody of RPGs. One of the first battle scenarios (which has since been lost to time) that was played using a draft of the game that was little more than three paragraphs, involved two male models beating each other up during a fashion show, and the winner then having to face off against a child model (which may or may not have been skinny little Milla Jovovich--neither L.L. Hundal nor I remember for certain if that was the case... but our Jovovich obsession does go way, WAY back).

But we both recall that the one thing that was present in the game from the earliest draft was a battle maneuver (that later became a trait) called Too Sexy For My Shirt. And it was there because that very first battle scenario was inspired by Right Said Fred's song and video "I'm Too Sexy."

That song remains part of ROLF!'s DNA even now, some 20 years later. Check it out below.

  

They're too sexy for their shirts: Right Said Fred



Thursday, September 18, 2014

Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger!

September 18 is National Cheeseburger Day! In celebration, we're offering a quick battle scenario! (If you want to play it while chowing down on celebratory cheeseburgers, you are welcome to copy-and-paste the text so you can print it out.)

Battle Scenario for Two Players: Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger!
By L.L. Hundal

Background
After  hard day of mugging at the camera, flipping their hair, and otherwise strutting their stuff, two bulimic models visit the crafts services table. All that's left are speedballs and a single cheeseburger. Drugs they don't care about... but that cheeseburger is worth fighting to the death over. And they do.

The Battle
This is a straight-forward fight, with one model hell-bent on killing the other. The fight continues until one is victorious.

The Pre-generated Models
Battle Maneuvers not featured in the core ROLF! rules are found in ROLF!: Supermodel Slap-fest.

Sally-Mae Hackett
Brawn 14, Body 20, Brains 5
  Traits: Coldhearted, Nimble, Too Sexy for My Shirt
  Battle Maneuvers: Backflip, Disembowel, The Look, The Walk, Strike Pose,
  Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Monokini (barely covers nakedness)

Wendy Lawford
Brawn 14, Body 20, Brains 6
  Traits: Ego-Maniac, Nimble, Too Sexy for My Shirt
  Battle Maneuvers: Backflip, Kung Fu Face, Signature Move, The Walk, Strategic Bleeding, Strike Pose
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Bikini (barely covers nakedness)


Monday, September 15, 2014

Meet Brandy Flippe -- Notorious Jewel Thief!

Here's a pair of ROLF! characters inspired in part by the Sherry Flippe comics. The Battle Scenario is references characters featured in the Battle Scenario contained in the book.

MEET BRANDY FLIPPE
The Wide-Awake Detective Agency isn't known for taking down criminal masterminds--in fact, they generally try to avoid such cases. Lost kittens, figuring out where the car keys (and the pants they were in) were left during a night of drunken fun, and baby-sitting unruly celebrities is more their line. Agency-owner Mr. Gribbitts and his best (only) employee Sherry Flippe make an exception for Nightshade, a notorious jewel thief who is secretly Sherry's sister, Brandy.

Brandy and Sherry were both wild teenagers, but where Sherry channeled her love of adventure into the USO followed by becoming a private detective, Brandy fell in with a rough crowd, became the apprentice of the original Nightshade and stepped into his black stealth suit when he "retired."

Now, whenever Mr. Gribbitts and Sherry get a tip that Brandy may be scheming a heist, they rush to attempt to apprehend her. Brandy always gets away, but they usually end up uncovering some other crime or criminal enterprise in the process.

Unbeknownst to anyone but a few members of the Secret Service, Brandy, and the original Nightshade, the pair of jewel thieves are actually working for the Secret Service. Nightshade was captured shortly after he took Brandy under his wing, and he made a deal with the government to keep them both out of jail. Now, they target wealthy men and women who are secretly criminals, agents of foreign powers, or leaders of secret societies that are enemies of America and freedom, breaking into their homes and lairs to uncover the evidence Uncle Sam needs to bring them down.



NIGHTSHADE #2 (Female)
(aka Brandy Flippe)
Brawn 16, Body 18, Brains 7
  Traits: Irrepressible Optimist, Nimble
  Combat Maneuvers: Backflip, Basic Attack, Disarm, Kung Fu Face, Murderous Mitts, Run Away!, Seduction, Strike Pose.
  Imporrtant Stuff Worn/Wielded: Form-fitting sneak-thief suit (Armor, absorbs 1 point of damage) OR Fashionable ensemble (Clothes). Lockpicks and compact thief toolkit (One-shot melee weapon, deals 2 points, then breaks).

NIGHTSHADE #1 (Male)
(aka James "Jim" Nightshade)
Brawn 20, Body 15, Brains 6
  Traits: Honorable, Nimble, Too Sexy for My Shirt
  Combat Maneuvers: Backflip, Basic Attack, Dodge, Double Strike, Run Away!, Seduction.
  Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Expensive suit and tie Clothes) OR Form-fitting sneak-thief suit (Armor, absorbs 1 point of damage).


BATTLE SCENARIO
The Battle Scenario is for two players. One player controls Brandy and the other the two cultists. (Stats for the mummy cultists can be found either in Sherry Flippe or ROLF!: The Mummy's Tune. Gary Crant is a character who appears in the Battle Scenario featured in Sherry Flippe.

BACKGROUND
The Secret Service suspects actor Gary Crant of being involved with a secret society with ties to an Egyptian group that wants to see Nazi Germany rise from the ashes. One night, as he is slated to attend a gala function, Brandy breaks into his house to secure evidence of his nefarious contacts... and to steal is collection of gem-crusted stick-pins.
  Once inside, she finds documents that show Crant is not only involved with Nazis that fled to Egypt following the fall of Hitler, but with some sort of mummy-worshiping cult. She gathers up the evidence and the gems (along with a few Egyptian antiques) and turns to leave. But she finds her path blocked by two cultists.

THE BATTLE
The fight begins at Melee range and continues until Brandy or the cultists are defeated or use Run Away! to escape the battle. If Brandy should fall while both cultists are still active, Jim Nightshade enters the fight on the following round. He was supposed to be watching Gary Crant at the gala, but he had a hunch Brandy was in trouble.


The cover for Sherry Flippe, by Tony Di Preta

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Now available -- the latest ;'Complete Golden Age Oddballs' book!

The Complete Golden Age Oddballs series brings long-forgotten comic book characters to 21st century readers by collecting every one of their appearances original appearances in books with all-new roleplaying game material and fiction that unites them in a single universe.

Art by Ruth Atkinson and Rudy Palias
The latest entry in the series, Complete Golden Age Oddballs: Angela & Miss Espionage, brings together high school comedy, international intrigue, and Nazi clone program weirdness together in a stew that only NUELOW Games could cook up. Featuring rarely seen artwork by pioneering comic book artist Ruth Atkinson--all collected in one place for the first time--this is at once our most noteworthy and quirky entry in the series so far).

It addition to the rare and classic comics, the Complete Golden Age Oddballs: Angela & Miss Espionage contains support for d20 OGL Modern (by way of 13 feats suitable for sultry spies and sneaky high-schoolers) and ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game (by way of traits, combat maneuvers, four pre-generated characters, and a battle scenario). The book also features brief biographies of the comics creators, as well as original fiction the reveals the dark secret that binds the International Woman of Mystery known as Miss Espionage to the high school hellion known as Angela. (It also ties these characters to Red Robin, the Editor, and other figures and organizations in the NUELOW Games universe.)

Complete Golden Age Oddballs: Angela & Miss Espionage is available at your favorite Onebookshelf site (DriveThru Comics, DriveThru Fiction, DriveThru RPG, or RPGNow). Click to see previews or to dowload your very own copy.


Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Princess Pantha ala ROLF!

NUELOW will soon be releasing the first in a series of books featuring Princess Pantha, a "jungle girl" action/adventure series by Ralph Mayo and Art Saaf, the main artists behind Judy of the Jungle.

Meet Princess Pantha and her boyfriend Dean Hunter.

Art by Alex Schomburg
Princess Pantha was an animal trainer and star circus attraction who was challenged by her agent to go on an African safari to capture the legendary giant ape M'Gana. When she vanished in the deep jungle, travel writer and adventurer Dane Hunter was hired to rescue her, or, at worst, learn her fate.

When Dane caught up with Pantha, she had been surviving on her own in the jungle for months, after a cult that worshiped M'Gana had murdered everyone else in her party. She had shed her western clothes in favor of a fur bikini. Over Dane's objections continued to hunt and capture M'Gana, so he joined her since it was the only way he would be able to "rescue" her.

Pantha eventually returned to circus performing, but she continued to don her fur bikini and go on adventures in jungles around the world. Dane joined her on most of them.

DANE HUNTER (Male)
Real Name: Dane Hunter
Brawn 29, Body 18, Brains 7
  Traits: Egomaniac, Improv Master
  Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Disarm, Dodge, Murderous Mitts, Run Away!, Withering Insult
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Pistol (Small Ranged Weapon, deals 2 points of damage that ignore armor).

PRINCESS PANTHA (Female)
Real Name: Esti Pantera
Brawn 30, Body 17, Brains 6
  Traits: Hard to Kill, Improv Master, Nimble
  Combat Maneuvers: Backflip, Basic Attack, Dodge, Double Strike, Signature Move, Strike Pose
  Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Fur Bikini (barely covers nakedness), Knife (small melee weapon, deals 1 point of damage).

Look for Princess Pantha: The Hunt for M'Gana -- coming soon from NUELOW Games!

Friday, July 4, 2014

Celebrate Independence Day weekend with Pat Patriot!

With Pat Patriot, NUELOW Games shines a spotlight on one of comicdom's earliest female costumed comic characters, as well as being one of the first and most sincerely patriotic series. Debuting in June of 1941, the series predates Wonder Woman and only slightly trails Captain America.



In addition to the four best Pat Patriot stories, the book features a complete ROLF! supplement that in which Pat meets the Bronze Terror and battles the nefarious Mayflower Man. Click here to see previews or to get your own copy.

You can see more previews of Pat Patriot at our sister blog Shades of Gray by clicking here.


Monday, June 30, 2014

NUELOW Games is observing Ramadan


It has come to our attention that we've done Christmas Specials, Barak Obama Birthday Specials, and Chinese New Year Specials, but we've never done anything to mark a time honored by billions and billions of people.

Well, before we re publicly shamed for our lack of inclusiveness, we're fixing that by offering the Ramadan Collection!

The NUELOW Games Ramadan Collection contains historical fiction set during the Crusades; comics featuring Kismet ( the Nazi-busting first Muslim superhero), and lots and lots of ROLF! rollplaying game material--including the core rulebook! It's a total of eight products--including four of our best-sellers!--for just $5 (55% off full retail price).

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

It's a Party in the CIA with Madam Zero!

Some parody songs are more amusing and entertaining than the source they are based on. A perfect example of that is Weird Al's "Party in the CIA." It's got better lyrics than the original and its video even makes more sense.



It's a favorite of the NUELOW Gang, even if L.L. Hundal's Significant Other has banned it from their home, because Hundal would play it over and over while singing along as she searched through comics for us to republish.

I'm bringing it up here, because it also seems like a perfect theme song for the most recent release for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters...



ROLF!: Zero vs. One is a full-fledged ROLF! supplement with two battle scenarios, four pre-generated characters, and a number of new Battle Maneuvers and Traits. In addition, it features the complete run of Madam Zero, an obscure back-up series from Fiction House's Fight Comics that featured one of comicdom's most mysterious heroines. And Madam Zero is exactly the sort of character that "Party in the CIA" is about.

Click here to see previews of ROLF!: Zero vs. One, or to get your own copy.