Do you need help with your Trump Anxiety?

TRIGGER WARNING! DONALD TRUMP AHEAD! (Although this post will provide with information on how to deal with your Trump Anxiety, we realize that you are fragile and we want to prepare you, so we don't cause you to have an episode.)


A new disorder is sweeping the nation--Trump Anxiety. Once thought limited only to certain segments of the Republican Party leadership, and particularly hysterical Democrats, this condition has spread to a surprisingly wide percentage of the population in the United States of America and even abroad. The Chicago Tribune (courtesy of the WaPo's syndication service) reports on the affliction and those tortured souls who suffer from it, here.

Does this man haunt your dreams? NUELOW can help!

We here at NUELOW Games hate to see our fellow human beings suffer, so we've created some material to help those who suffer from Trump Anxiety to confront your fears and move beyond them.... and they'll cost you far, far less than what you'll pay a therapist, be it for massage or mental therapy.


THE NUELOW GAMES CURE FOR TRUMP ANXIETY!
Follow these easy steps, and you'll be on your way to curing yourself of your Trump Anxiety. Roleplaying has long been used to confront fears and derangements by therapists. We are now taking those concepts into the realm of self-help/self-service and rollplaying.

Step One: Verify You Actually Suffer From the Condition. If the header of this post, or the picture of The Donald above troubled you, maybe you suffer from Trump Anxiety. To be sure, however, you need to click on this link to inspect a different post on this blog. It contains another picture of Trump, along with a set of stats that represent him in the ROLF! rollplaying game system. If your distress grows by viewing that page, you suffer from Trump Anxiety.

Step Two: Get a copy of You vs. Me and Relentlessly Gay. These rollplaying products provide the framework within which you will confront your fears. Also, get a copy of Professor Fiend. This book contains additional tools to help you overcome your Trump Anxiety, as well as game statistics for The Donald similar to the ones you've already seen on this blog. (To provide maximum access to the therapeutic powers of rollplaying, all three of those products are available in one easy download, at a discount. Click here to get the Trump Anxiety Self-Help Kit.)

Step Three: Find a friend, or a Fellow Sufferer of Trump Anxiety. Create characters of yourself and your friend, using You vs. Me. Then, using either the statistics for Donald Trump presented on this blog, or in Professor Fiend, pit the character you have made against Trump, within the safety of a rollplaying game. You will see that he is nothing to be afraid of. Take turns defeating him if necessary. You can also play through the battle scenario in Professor Fiend for a further illustration of how ridiculous Trump is... and how ridiculous it is to suffer from Trump Anxiety. For extra relaxation and perspective, read the comics in Professor Fiend.

Step Four: Actively Support Another Candidate. America is a democratic Republic for God's sake. Trump may behave like he's going to be the Dictator-in-Chief, but if everyone gets off their asses and stops whining about him on the internet and instead becomes active in the Republican or Democratic parties, he will be relegated to his rightful status as a joke and a footnote in history even before the primaries have run their course. You can join Step Three and Step Four together, doing them at the same time. You can even pit Hillary Clinton or other political figures against Trump using other NUELOW Games releases, further proving to yourself that your Trump Anxiety is completely unfounded. (Just don't use Bernie Sanders. He's going to lose every time.)
Step Five: Vote in the General Election. If you know who you're going to vote for, you know you have nothing to fear from Trump... because you know other sane people are going to be voting like you are. Especially if you've been talking to them while engaging in Step Four.

THE THREE PARTS OF THE TRUMP ANXIETY SELF-HELP KIT:

 

Click to order a Trump Anxiety Self-Help Kit from NUELOW Games!

Funny Business: NUELOW Games introduces Professor Fiend

When choosing which comics to repackage or base ROLF! supplements around, we generally go for the obscure and neglected--the characters who haven't been thought of since they first appeared in the pages of magazines from long-gone publishers some 50 to 75 years ago.

Art by Fred Schwab

The latest character we've retrieved from the ash-heap of pop-culture history is Professor Fiend. This character was featured in an eponymous series that ran in the early issues of Fantastic Comics, published by Fox Feature Syndicate during 1939 and 1940. It relies to a large extend on nonsense humor, but at the same time is pretty dark, since it makes a running gag out of the fact that the Professor is suicidal.

The NUELOW Games comics/rpg hybrid product contains five of the original Professor Fiend tales by writer/artist Fred Schwab (working under the house name Boris Plaster). We've brought the character into the 21st century in a two-player battle scenario that's equally compatible with our ROLF! and You vs. Me rollplaying games. In addition, the book contains five feats for d20 System games that will let you bring a little Professor Fiend flavor to a genius player character (mad or otherwise),

Click here to see previews of Professor Fiend at DriveThruRPG, or to get your very own copy.

OTHER HUMOR COMICS FROM NUELOW GAMES

Art by Dave Tendlar

While the majority of our pure roleplaying game products are comedic in nature, most of the comics-related releases are not. However, Professor Fiend isn't our only comics release intended to tickle the funnybone. Here are a few others:

Ginger and Snap collects (for the first time, anywhere) the complete run of this series about a pair of fraternal twins who solve problems by cross-dressing and disguising themselves as each other. It contains a complete ROLF! battle scenario.

By Ralph Mayo

Kathy collects several teen humor stories that were collaborations between NUELOW Games favorite Ralph Mayo and the legendary artist Frank Frazetta, whom was given some of his most important breaks at the start of career by Mayo. While there are some rough patches here and there, due to Frazetta's inexperience, the energy that crackles on each page more than makes up for it, as does the sweet nature of these romantic comedy of errors tales. In addition to the comics, the book features a ROLF! battle scenario which brings Kathy together with NUELOW's mascot the Black Cat.

Art by Tony Di Preta

Sherry Flippe is another NUELOW release that brings back an obscure humor series, collecting for the first time anywhere the best it had to offer. It's a screwball spoof of detective and mystery stories that morphs into a send-up of movie making and celebrity culture as it evolves. In addition to the classic comics, it features an RPG scenario that can be played either with ROLF! or Lester Smith's D6xD6 Core Roleplaying Game.

The Return of the Sorceress!

The multiverse's most dangerous femme fatale, the fearsome Sorceress of Zoom, is back in the latest comics/RPG hybrid book from NUELOW Games... and she's set her sight on the magical treasures of Earth!

Art by Bradley K. McDevitt & Harry Lucey

The Sorceress of Zoom: Down to Earth features five strange comics adventures that present equal portions of fantasy, suspense, and film noir-style action, as the Sorceress sets out to force her will on Earth. Even more exciting, however, are the all-new RPG rules that will allow gamers to unlock the full multi-genre potential of the OGL d20 System--feats and a talent tree that will let them move effortlessly from one world to the next! The book also includes game rules for the artifacts that gives the Sorceress control over the City of Zoom, so now enterprising heroes can take it from her, if they are cunning enough!

The Sorceress of Zoom: Down to Earth is available at RPGNow, DriveThruComics, and DriveThruRPG. Get your copy before the Sorceress discovers we're revealing her biggest secrets!

This is the official NUELOW Games blog... and we forget to announce releases!

As a reminder of how badly we SUCK at promotion, we completely failed to mention two releases here on our very own blog! Well--we're fixing that problem now. (Interestingly, both of the "overlooked" releases have covers that are mostly yellow. Maybe we subconsciously didn't want to be associated with cowardice?

Art by Richard Case & W.B. Hovious. On Sale Now!

First, there's The Three Lives of Fantomah: Book Two, the second in our series presenting the very best stories starring comicdom's first female superhero. In this book, Richard Case spearheads Fantomah's transformation from a wild spirit of vengeance something resembling a "jungle girl." This change was a reflection of genre boundaries starting to solidify and the comic book medium came into its own, and of the departure of the series creator, Fletcher Hanks. The book offers six rarely collected Fantomah stories, an all-new spell casting system for use with d20 OGL Modern. and a short piece of new fiction that back-fills a story reason for Fantomah's change, as well as setting up the further transformation that's coming in Book Three.

The Three Lives of Fantomah: Book Two is on sale at a reduced introductory price through 11/7 2014. Click here to see previews or to get your own copy.

Art by A.C. Hollingsworth (?). Available Now!

Next up, there's Devils in Petticoats. This book publishes two "true crime" stories, from two different publishers, with very similar titles, opening lines, and subject matter -- murderous women. These two stories--from two different publishers roughly a year apart--even have very similar opening lines. Whether they had the same writer (possibly Manny Stallman), whether someone really liked the first story, or if it's just coincidence we'll never know... but NUELOW's lead editor L.L. Hundal thought collecting them in one place for the first time would make for interesting reading. It also gave us cause to publish some d20 OGL Modern rules for playing femme fatale characters.

Click here to see previews or to get your own copy of Devils in Petticoats.

N is for Numa

While that may be Tarzan-ese for "Lion," the Numa being referred to here is perhaps the most obscure and short-lived Golden Age of Comics character that will be touched upon in this series of posts.

Numa to the rescue. Art by A.C. Hollingsworth

Numa was a busty, scantily clad jungle girl who used her vine-swinging talents and Judo mastery to right wrongs in the Congo. In her single two-page adventure, she rescued another white jungle-dwelling girl from being sacrificed to dark gods while exposing a pair of blasphemous thieves. Her story was published under the heading "Jungle Fables" in Rulah Jungle Goddess #18 from Fox Features Syndicate. Like Numa, that was the only time a Jungle Fable appeared in any Fox title, and I don't think the editors at Fox knew the meaning of the word "fable."

We are currently planning on including Numa's adventure in the soon-to-be-released Judy of the Jungle: Warriors of the Laughing Hyena. Numa's adventure was illustrated by A.C. Hollingsworth, one of the earliest African American artists to work for mainstream comic book packagers and publishers. Hollingsworth later went onto become a civil rights activist. (NUELOW Games as previously featured his work on the Purple Tigress, another strip from Fox Features Syndicate that we included in the first issue of Complete Golden Age Oddballs. (And if we end up not including her in the Judy of the Jungle book, Numa will show up with other Oddballs in a future issue of that series.)

Just for fun, here's Numa in the ROLF! game system.

NUMA (Female)

Brawn 18, Body 18, Brains 5

Traits: Busty, Martial Artist, Nimble

Combat Maneuvers: Backflip, Murderous Mitts, Signature Move, Strike Pose

Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Fur Bikini (Clothes, barely covers nakedness). Large Knife (Melee Weapon OR One-shot Ranged Weapon. Deals 2 points of damage.)

Given what's going on in Egypt....

... and the absolute disaster that is the Obama Administration's Mid-East policy, would it be bad form to mention that John Kerry vs. the Queen of Evil features Kerry as a 3,000 year-old priest of Iss revived in modern times to fight his undying nemesis? Yeah... probably, especially since it features ROLF! stats for Kerry, the Queen of Evil, the goddess Isis, and ancient citizens of Luxor. And then there's the back-up feature starring Black Cat where she takes on "Cleopatra of the Casbah." Yes. Almost certainly bad form, not to mention possibly disrespectful of the rioters burning Christian churches and attacking government buildings. So, I better not mention that book at all, even though it can be downloaded right now for the special "pay what you want" price.

It would be even tackier of me to bring up ROLF!: Super Muslim Bros., which pokes fun at the architects of the bloody mess that is Egypt today, as Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton go on a secret mission to help Mohamed Morsi out of a bind. Yeah... that would be even worse, since that one features ROLF! stats for Morsi, Obama, Clinton, Muslim Brotherhood Thugs, mummies, and other bloodthirsty Egyptian "protesters." And I should certainly not mention that you can find it for sale at RPGNow.

Yeah... that would be horribly insensitive to the "death to America" crowd, which is pretty much everyone in Egypt these days....

I think I'll just focus on promoting our new comics/gaming project -- the happy four-color wonder that is Carnival! After all, it's got game material geared for OGL Modern, a far more popular game that ROLF!, so it just makes sense. (It even features a Black Cat story that is non-Egypt related... and plenty of clowns that have nothing to do with formulating U.S. foreign policy.)

It's time for.... JOHN KERRY COMICS!

It's the secret origin of John Kerry, United States Secretary of State!

Originally published in by Fox Features Syndicate in 1941 and 1942, the comics stories contained in John Kerry vs. The Queen of Evil present irrefutable evidence that John Kerry has been "reporting for duty" a lot longer than his official biography would have you believe. (Well... the evidence is at least as solid as that proving that Barack Obama is a foreign-born agent of sinister powers whose presidency represents the culmination of a a plan hatched decades ago.)

Aside from three classic comics stories, John Kerry vs. The Queen of Evil contains a complete supplement for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters and a foreword by editor and game designer Steve Miller.

Click here to see previews, or to get your own copy the book.

And if you don't want John Kerry vs. The Queen of Evil for yourself, get a copy for that special Birther/Truther/Conspiracy Theorist in your life. He or she will have an entirely new set of crazy notions to create evidence in support of!