Why does Donald Trump want a Space Force?

Donald Trump is the presidential gift that keeps on giving as far as we here at NUELOW Games is concerned: We've gotten more mileage out of him than we've gotten out of Bill Clinton and Barak Obama combined, and his presidency isn't anywhere near to being over yet!

This time up, we have a random table for you. Admittedly, we're not sure how useful it is, but maybe it can serve as an inspiration for ROLF! battle scenarios that pit Donald Trump against the Commies and/or Girl Scouts from Jupiter.

WHY IS DONALD TRUMP PUSHING FOR A SPACE FORCE? (Roll 1d12)
   1. He's too ill-formed to know that the United States Air Force Space Command already exists.
   2. The alien symbiote that passes for his hair wants to go home, but there are hostile forces between here and there.
   3. The alien symbiote that passes for his hair wants to go to war against the Martians
   4. The alien symbiote that passes for his hair wants to prepare the world for an attack by the Girl Scouts from Jupiter.
   5. He wants his face carved on the moon.
   6. He wants his buttcheeks carved on the moon.
   7. He wants to be a real Space Cadet.
   8. The Decepticons must be stopped!
   9. He knows the truth about the aliens and the Visitors are not our friends!
   10. Flash Gordon has retired and he wants to be the new Savior of the Universe.
   11. He wants to build a moon base to impress his pals Putin, Kim, and Ming the Merciless.
   12. Roll two more times on the table, ignoring other rolls of 12 and repeated numbers. Both results are true.

d20 Donald Trump

It's almost a sure thing that the Republicans are going to nominate Donald Trump as their presidential candidate for the 2016 election. To help you get used to the idea of even more Trump on television and on the news and eventually (maybe) in the White House, here he is as viwed through the lense of the d20 Modern Roleplaying Game. (He was created using rules from NUELOW's OGL Redheads product, which we just released this past weekend. You should use it to make your d20 System games great again!)

"I.m going to roll so many 20s on my skill cheks, you'll be sick of it."

DONALD "THE DONALD" TRUMP
Charismatic Hero 8/Smart Hero 4/Dedicated Hero 2
   CR 14; Medium Humanoid (human); HD 14d6, hp 51, Mas 10; Init -1, Spd 30 ft.; Def 17 (-1 Dex, +5 class, +3 [+1 mastercraft] undercover shirt); BAB +7, Grap +7; Atk stun gun +7/+2 melee (1d3 electricity and stun); FS/R ft./5 ft.; AL ambition, self; SV Fort +7, Ref +5, Will +10; AP 7, Rep +10
   Str 10, Dex 9, Con 10, Int 14, Wis 9, Cha 16.
   Template: Redhead
   Starting Occupation: White Collar (class skills: Diplomacy, Knowledge [business])
   Skills: Bluff +18, Computer Use +4, Craft (writing) +6, Diplomacy +18, Forgery +10, Gamble +8, Gather Information +11, Intimidate +10, Investigate +12, Knowledge (behavioral sciences) +14, Knowledge (business) +27, Knowledge (civics) +9, Knowledge (current events) +17, Knowledge (streetwise) +14, Profession +19, Sense Motive +11.
   Languages: English (literate, native).
   Feats: Attentive, Confident, Deceptive, Iron Will, Quick Tempered, Redhead, Renown, Robust Redhead, Windfall (x3).
   Talents (Charismatic): Deathly Pale, Disease Resistance, Fast Talk, Favor.
   Talents (Dedicated): Reflective Skin
   Talents (Smart): Plan, Savant (Knowledge [business])
   Possessions: business suit, expensive and gaudy watch, smart phone with all the features, laptop computer (with upgrade, provides +1 bonus to Computer Use checks [not included in statistics block above], has a cell modem and broadband modem), suitcase, stun gun

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All text in this post is presented under the Open Game License, and Donald Trump's name and likeness is used here in a satirical manner, under the fair use provisions of the US Copyright laws. If you find this material amusing or useful, please support our efforts by buying some of our actual releases.

(By the way, this is the second time we've given game stats to The Donald. You can see what he looks like in the ROLF! rollplaying game in Professor Fiend.)

The Trumpkin Talent Tree

While driving around today, I heard not one but two callers to the Michael Medved Show angrily express how offended they were that he was referring to Trump Supporters as "Trumpkins." It perhaps goes without saying (especially if you're a regular reader of this blog's d20 System offerings and/or consumer of ROLF! products) but I was inspired to write a Talent Tree for OGL d20 Modern.

A gaggle of Trumpkins in their (extremely small) comfort zone.

THE TRUMPKIN TALENT TREE

The following text is presented under the Open Game License and may be reproduced in accordance with it. Copyright 2016 by Steve Miller.

The Trumpkin Talent Tree is available to any character that meets the prerequisite and who may select a talent due to level advancement. Especially those who love reality TV shows and want to make America Great Again.



   Trump Supporter: Gain a +2 bonus to attack and damage rolls against anyone you think disagrees with you in any way, shape, or form. The bonus increases to +3 if you think your target doesn't support Donald Trump.

   Prerequisite: The Power of Embarrassment feat, or Spirit of a Nation feat, or one talent from the White Male Talent Tree.

   Recite Slogans: Gain a +4 bonus to Bluff and Intimidate skill checks when repeating The Words of Trump to the ignoramuses that don't share your devotion. (You may use this talent a number of times per day equal to your Charisma bonus.)

   Prerequisite: Trump Supporter

   Dish It Out: Gain a +2 bonus to Bluff and Intimidate skill checks when engaging in verbal exchanges with those you disagree with. A number of times per day equal to your Wisdom bonus, you may force your target(s) to roll a Will save (DC11+your Charisma bonus). If the saving throw fails, your target is enraged and attacks you, suffering a -2 penalty to attack and damage rolls. You gain a +2 bonus to your Defense Rating. You may affect a number of targets up to your skill ranks in Bluff.

   Bonuses stack with those gained from other talents.

   Prerequisite: Can't Take It

   Can't Take It: When confronted by someone who doesn't share your devotion to The Donald, you must roll a Will save (DC14). If you fail, you must attack the target of your ire either verbally (-4 bonus to Bluff and Intimidate skill checks) or physically (+2 bonus to attack and damage rolls).

   Prerequisite: Trump Supporter


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The preding text is presented under the Open Game License. Copyright 2016 Steve Miller

  



Do you need help with your Trump Anxiety?

TRIGGER WARNING! DONALD TRUMP AHEAD! (Although this post will provide with information on how to deal with your Trump Anxiety, we realize that you are fragile and we want to prepare you, so we don't cause you to have an episode.)


A new disorder is sweeping the nation--Trump Anxiety. Once thought limited only to certain segments of the Republican Party leadership, and particularly hysterical Democrats, this condition has spread to a surprisingly wide percentage of the population in the United States of America and even abroad. The Chicago Tribune (courtesy of the WaPo's syndication service) reports on the affliction and those tortured souls who suffer from it, here.

Does this man haunt your dreams? NUELOW can help!

We here at NUELOW Games hate to see our fellow human beings suffer, so we've created some material to help those who suffer from Trump Anxiety to confront your fears and move beyond them.... and they'll cost you far, far less than what you'll pay a therapist, be it for massage or mental therapy.


THE NUELOW GAMES CURE FOR TRUMP ANXIETY!
Follow these easy steps, and you'll be on your way to curing yourself of your Trump Anxiety. Roleplaying has long been used to confront fears and derangements by therapists. We are now taking those concepts into the realm of self-help/self-service and rollplaying.

Step One: Verify You Actually Suffer From the Condition. If the header of this post, or the picture of The Donald above troubled you, maybe you suffer from Trump Anxiety. To be sure, however, you need to click on this link to inspect a different post on this blog. It contains another picture of Trump, along with a set of stats that represent him in the ROLF! rollplaying game system. If your distress grows by viewing that page, you suffer from Trump Anxiety.

Step Two: Get a copy of You vs. Me and Relentlessly Gay. These rollplaying products provide the framework within which you will confront your fears. Also, get a copy of Professor Fiend. This book contains additional tools to help you overcome your Trump Anxiety, as well as game statistics for The Donald similar to the ones you've already seen on this blog. (To provide maximum access to the therapeutic powers of rollplaying, all three of those products are available in one easy download, at a discount. Click here to get the Trump Anxiety Self-Help Kit.)

Step Three: Find a friend, or a Fellow Sufferer of Trump Anxiety. Create characters of yourself and your friend, using You vs. Me. Then, using either the statistics for Donald Trump presented on this blog, or in Professor Fiend, pit the character you have made against Trump, within the safety of a rollplaying game. You will see that he is nothing to be afraid of. Take turns defeating him if necessary. You can also play through the battle scenario in Professor Fiend for a further illustration of how ridiculous Trump is... and how ridiculous it is to suffer from Trump Anxiety. For extra relaxation and perspective, read the comics in Professor Fiend.

Step Four: Actively Support Another Candidate. America is a democratic Republic for God's sake. Trump may behave like he's going to be the Dictator-in-Chief, but if everyone gets off their asses and stops whining about him on the internet and instead becomes active in the Republican or Democratic parties, he will be relegated to his rightful status as a joke and a footnote in history even before the primaries have run their course. You can join Step Three and Step Four together, doing them at the same time. You can even pit Hillary Clinton or other political figures against Trump using other NUELOW Games releases, further proving to yourself that your Trump Anxiety is completely unfounded. (Just don't use Bernie Sanders. He's going to lose every time.)
Step Five: Vote in the General Election. If you know who you're going to vote for, you know you have nothing to fear from Trump... because you know other sane people are going to be voting like you are. Especially if you've been talking to them while engaging in Step Four.

THE THREE PARTS OF THE TRUMP ANXIETY SELF-HELP KIT:

 

Click to order a Trump Anxiety Self-Help Kit from NUELOW Games!

Donald Trump and Jeb Bush ala ROLF!

It had to be done. You can now use You vs. Me or ROLF!:The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters to pit Jeb and The Donald against each other in a fight to the death. Or you can have them square off against Big H, or perhaps even B.O. himself. (Their stats can be found in ROLF!: Super Muslim Bros., among other places.)

The Donald and Jeb. Two Dweebs Enter. One Dweeb Leaves.

JEB BUSH (Male)

(aka JEB)

Brawn 15, Body 12, Brains 5

   Traits: Improv Master*, Squeamish

   Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Dodge, Signature Move*, Strategic Bleeding

   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Expensive Suit and Tie (Clothes). Pocket Knife (Small Melee Weapon. Deals 1 point of damage).

DONALD TRUMP (Male)

(aka The Donald)

Brawn 17, Body 11, Brains 4

   Traits: Coldhearted, Obnoxious

   Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Bitch Slap, Debate Philosophy, Withering Insult*

   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Expensive Suit and Tie (Clothes). Hair (Armor, absorbs 1 point of damage).

*These traits and combat maneuvers are detailed in Relentlessly Gay, as well as other ROLF! supplements.

New Trait

This is a trait that has not been included in any ROLF! supplements. It appears here for the first time.

   Obnoxious: You roll against your ATT Body when using your Debate Philosophy combat maneuver (instead of ATT Brains, as is usually called for). Your arguments are so wrongheadedly obnoxious that, in addition to the function described in the core rules, you inflict 1 point of damage to all characters in the fight (including yourself). This damage ignores armor. All characters may roll a separate Brains ATT check to avoid the damage.