RPG-a-Day #11: Tact

"You've heard the joke 'Always be tactful with dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup'? There's more truth there than most people realize, especially those who discover a shapeshifted dragon's true nature r name and try to leverage them in some fashion. If you try this, you will die. Period. But if you show proper deference and otherwise demonstrate how you aren't a threat to the dragon or its agenda, you might live and be brought into a very limited inner circle. Some of my best human friends have turned out to be the ones who stumbled on my true nature. One of them even encouraged me to write a handbook to help humans who end up knowing an awkward and deadly truth."

--Brigid the Red, a dragon living secretly among humanity

DEALING WITH DRAGONS:

A Practical Guide to Approaching 

Draconic Entities in Humanoid Form

(Part One)

An Instructive Text for Adventurers of All Experience Levels, By Brigid the Red

Introduction: The Hidden Threat

You've heard the stories. Dragons hoarding treasure in mountain lairs, terrorizing villages, demanding tribute from terrified kingdoms. What the bards don't tell you is that some of the most powerful dragons you'll ever encounter won't be in their lairs at all. They'll be sitting across from you at a negotiating table. Serving you wine at a noble's banquet. Signing trade contracts in a merchant's office. Adjudicating disputes as a magistrate.
   Red, white, blue, green, silver, and gold dragons—the most commonly encountered true dragons—possess innate shapeshifting abilities that allow them to assume humanoid form with perfect ease. Many choose to live among humans, elves, and other civilized races for decades or even centuries, pursuing agendas that range from accumulating wealth and political power to protecting the innocent from evil. The dragon you meet in human form is no less dangerous than one in its true shape; in fact, it may be more so, because you won't see it coming.
   Most adventurers never realize they've encountered a dragon in disguise. Those who do recognize the signs face a critical decision: how do you behave once you know what you're dealing with? This manual provides tactical guidance for that exact situation. Your life may depend on getting it right.
Recognizing Dragons in Humanoid Form
   Identifying a dragon in humanoid form requires keen observation, magical awareness, and experience. Dragons are masters of disguise, but they cannot completely suppress their true nature.
   Physical Tells (Spot Check, DC 20-25): Look for subtle inconsistencies. Eyes that reflect light like a cat's. Fingernails that seem unusually thick or slightly translucent, like claws filed down. Skin that's too perfect, too smooth, or has an almost imperceptible scaled texture in certain light. Hair color that matches their draconic hue—a "human" with metallic silver hair and pale skin might be a silver dragon; someone with unusual reddish or coppery tones could be a red. Dragons often unconsciously mirror their true coloration.
   Body language provides clues. Dragons move with predatory grace that seems slightly wrong for a humanoid frame. They may unconsciously position themselves to dominate a room, taking the highest seat or standing where they can observe all exits. White dragons, being the least socially oriented, often struggle most with humanoid mannerisms and may seem crude or socially awkward.
   Magical Signatures (Detect Magic, Arcane Sight): A dragon in humanoid form radiates a powerful magical aura. Detect magic reveals an overwhelming aura of transmutation magic (from their shapechanging). Arcane sight or true seeing penetrates the disguise entirely, revealing their true form. However, casting divination magic at someone in polite society is considered deeply offensive—equivalent to drawing a weapon. If you must verify, do so subtly or from a distance.
   Behavioral Signs (Sense Motive, DC 18-22): Dragons cannot fully suppress their personalities. A red dragon in human form still exhibits arrogance and expects deference. A gold dragon radiates authority and righteousness. Green dragons are manipulative conversationalists who steer discussions with unnatural skill. Blues are militaristically precise. Silvers show unusual concern for justice and the welfare of common folk.
   Knowledge Checks (Knowledge [arcana] or [nature], DC 20): If you suspect you're dealing with a dragon, a successful check recalls information about that dragon type's behavior, alignment, and typical motivations. This knowledge is critical for determining your approach.
   Beware: If a dragon realizes you've identified them, their reaction depends on their alignment and current agenda. Good dragons may be relieved or concerned. Evil dragons may see you as a threat to be eliminated. Never let your recognition show on your face. Master your body language. A failed Bluff check (opposed by their Sense Motive, which carries substantial bonuses) could be fatal.

Can you spot the dragon?

 

Universal Draconic Protocol and Etiquette

Certain protocols apply to all dragons regardless of type or alignment. Violating these principles can turn even a neutral encounter deadly.
   Never Lie to a Dragon: Dragons have centuries of experience reading humanoids. Their Sense Motive bonuses are extraordinary, and many have magical abilities that detect deception. Even if you succeed in lying, the attempt itself is often more offensive than the truth would have been. Dragons value honesty—even evil dragons prefer honest enemies to dishonest allies.
   Honor All Agreements Absolutely: Dragons remember everything. If you make a promise to a dragon, fulfill it exactly as stated. If circumstances make that impossible, approach the dragon immediately to renegotiate. Breaking your word to a dragon marks you as untrustworthy, and that reputation will follow you. Dragons talk to each other, and they never forget.
   Respect Their Intelligence: Dragons are among the most intelligent creatures in existence. Don't attempt to manipulate them with obvious tricks or treat them as if they're stupid. Even white dragons, the least intelligent, are still smarter than most humans. Assume the dragon is aware of more than they're revealing.
   Never Threaten a Dragon: This should be obvious, but adventurers sometimes forget themselves. Even if you're powerful, even if you have allies, never threaten a dragon unless you're prepared to fight to the death immediately. Dragons respond to threats with overwhelming force. If you must establish boundaries, do so respectfully: "I cannot agree to that term" rather than "If you try that, you'll regret it."
   The Moment of Revelation: If you decide to reveal that you know what they are, choose your moment carefully. Approach privately, not in front of others who don't know. Begin with respect: "I believe I understand who you truly are, and I want to assure you that your secret is safe with me." Then clearly state your intentions. This moment determines whether you become an ally, a neutral party, or a target.
   Professional Courtesy: Treat dragons with the same tactful courtesy you'd show any powerful noble or official—because that's what they are. Use appropriate titles, maintain respectful body language, and avoid casual familiarity unless they explicitly invite it. Dragons appreciate proper etiquette.
   Exit Strategies: Always have a plan for leaving the encounter. Know where the exits are. Have escape magic prepared (teleportation, invisibility, dimension door). If you're meeting a dragon deliberately, tell allies where you're going and establish a check-in time. Dragons respect caution—it shows intelligence.

--To Be Continued and Concluded in a Future Post

The Dragon and the Presidents of the United States of America

Brigid is an ancient red dragon who enjoys being with humans.

Since 1701 A.D., Brigid the Dragon has maintained at least one dwelling ("lair" to the traditionalists) in what is presently the United States of America, with her oldest being in the mountains of Virginia. She has always loved the idea of a republic, and she found she loved it even more when a stripe of democracy was thrown into the mix. She REALLY loved the idea of branches of government being at odds with each other in certain ways, ensuring that the totalitarian bent that is so fundamental to humans wouldn't creep in. Well, it wouldn't creep in if humans weren't so easily corrupted by greed and lust for personal power and glory.

Since George Washington was first elected President of the United States in 1789, Brigid has been meeting with them shortly before they are to assume the office. Since the 1930s, she has tended to have the meeting take place with both the outgoing and incoming president, because she wants to be sure that there is no miscomprehension about the fact that so long as the American government remains centered in the Constitution, she would provide support to a president who has legitimate claim on the office. 

Joe Biden, Brigid, and Donald Trump in November of 2024

Her support is expected to be kept secret from the public, advisors, and anyone not approved by Brigid. Still, she works occasionally with the U.S. military and intelligence and law enforcement agencies. Basically, she's an open, but deeply classified government secret, like the existence of space aliens and Immortals. 

But what is the support Brigid offers? Aside from the perspective of a highly intelligent and creative being that is almost 400,000 years old, she grants a magical blessing to the President. Here is that blessing in d20 System terms, presented as a feat.

THE DRAGON'S BLESSING [Dragon Magic, Supernatural]

By sharing a drink and/or a meal with a mortal whom the dragon wants to help overcome great challenges, the dragon bestows a magical gift to the character. 

    Prerequisite: The character must be the leader, or key participant in executing, of some great enterprise that will benefit untold numbers of other mortals. The character must accept the invitation of the dragon to have the meeting and then must partake in the food and/or beverage the dragon offers.

The sharing of food and drink is a subtle ritual through which the dragon 

    Benefit: For a number of years predetermined by the dragon (4, 8, 12, 16, or 20), the recipient of the Dragon's Blessing gains the following bonuses:

    * +4 bonus to Bluff, Diplomacy, and Sense Motive skill checks

    * +2 bonus to all other Intelligence-, Wisdom-, and Charisma-based skill checks

    * +1 bonus to all Dexterity- and Constitution-based skill checks.

    The bonuses last from the person's first day undertaking the mighty task and/or playing an important role in the organization to which the belong, through the exact end of the period specified. The blessing ends early if the recipient breaks promises made, acts against the expected morality or purpose that the recipient is supposed to defend/working toward.

    Special: This feat temporarily replaces another feat the character possesses that gives bonuses to skill checks; the player of the character gets to choose which one is replaced. Dragon's Blessing overrides the specified feat until the end of the duration set by the dragon. If the character loses the benefits of the feat through actions contrary to his or her vows and duties, the other feat still remains ineffective until the duration of the blessing has ended. 

   While the blessing is in effect, the character can choose to shift this feat into a feat slot gained through level advancement instead of choosing a new feat. The feat that was replaced by the Dragon's Blessing once again provides a benefit in this case. When the Dragon's Blessing ends, the feat slot opens, and the player must choose another feat to fill it.

--

And to round out this post, here are a few pictures of Brigid with U.S. presidents of the past many years, mostly while meeting them either in her Virginia or Arizona homes. Two of the three are among her favorite presidents. Can you guess which two?

Brigid and Barack Obama in August of 2011

Brigid and Barack Obama in April of 2014

Donald Trump, Brigid, and Barack Obama in November of 2016

Barack Obama, Brigid, and Donald Trump in November of 2016

Donald Trump, Brigid, and Barack Obama in January of 2017

Donald Trump and Brigid in October of 2019

Donald Trump, Brigid, and Joe Biden in January of 2021

Joe Biden and Brigid in March 2021

Brigid and Barack Obama in September of 2021

Brigid and Joe Biden in November 2021

 

Donald Trump, Brigid, and Barack Obama in April of 2022

Joe Biden and Brigid in July of 2022

 

Donald Trump, Brigid, and Barack Obama in October of 2022

Joe Biden and Brigid in December of 2022

Brigid and Joe Biden in February of 2023

Joe Biden and Brigid in May of 2023

 

Donald Trump, Brigid, and Barack Obama in September of 2023

Joe Biden and Brigid in November of 2023

 

Donald Trump, Brigid, and Barack Obama in July of 2024

Donald Trump, Brigid, and Joe Biden in January of 2024

Why does Donald Trump want a Space Force?

Donald Trump is the presidential gift that keeps on giving as far as we here at NUELOW Games is concerned: We've gotten more mileage out of him than we've gotten out of Bill Clinton and Barak Obama combined, and his presidency isn't anywhere near to being over yet!

This time up, we have a random table for you. Admittedly, we're not sure how useful it is, but maybe it can serve as an inspiration for ROLF! battle scenarios that pit Donald Trump against the Commies and/or Girl Scouts from Jupiter.

WHY IS DONALD TRUMP PUSHING FOR A SPACE FORCE? (Roll 1d12)
   1. He's too ill-formed to know that the United States Air Force Space Command already exists.
   2. The alien symbiote that passes for his hair wants to go home, but there are hostile forces between here and there.
   3. The alien symbiote that passes for his hair wants to go to war against the Martians
   4. The alien symbiote that passes for his hair wants to prepare the world for an attack by the Girl Scouts from Jupiter.
   5. He wants his face carved on the moon.
   6. He wants his buttcheeks carved on the moon.
   7. He wants to be a real Space Cadet.
   8. The Decepticons must be stopped!
   9. He knows the truth about the aliens and the Visitors are not our friends!
   10. Flash Gordon has retired and he wants to be the new Savior of the Universe.
   11. He wants to build a moon base to impress his pals Putin, Kim, and Ming the Merciless.
   12. Roll two more times on the table, ignoring other rolls of 12 and repeated numbers. Both results are true.

d20 Donald Trump

It's almost a sure thing that the Republicans are going to nominate Donald Trump as their presidential candidate for the 2016 election. To help you get used to the idea of even more Trump on television and on the news and eventually (maybe) in the White House, here he is as viwed through the lense of the d20 Modern Roleplaying Game. (He was created using rules from NUELOW's OGL Redheads product, which we just released this past weekend. You should use it to make your d20 System games great again!)

"I.m going to roll so many 20s on my skill cheks, you'll be sick of it."

DONALD "THE DONALD" TRUMP
Charismatic Hero 8/Smart Hero 4/Dedicated Hero 2
   CR 14; Medium Humanoid (human); HD 14d6, hp 51, Mas 10; Init -1, Spd 30 ft.; Def 17 (-1 Dex, +5 class, +3 [+1 mastercraft] undercover shirt); BAB +7, Grap +7; Atk stun gun +7/+2 melee (1d3 electricity and stun); FS/R ft./5 ft.; AL ambition, self; SV Fort +7, Ref +5, Will +10; AP 7, Rep +10
   Str 10, Dex 9, Con 10, Int 14, Wis 9, Cha 16.
   Template: Redhead
   Starting Occupation: White Collar (class skills: Diplomacy, Knowledge [business])
   Skills: Bluff +18, Computer Use +4, Craft (writing) +6, Diplomacy +18, Forgery +10, Gamble +8, Gather Information +11, Intimidate +10, Investigate +12, Knowledge (behavioral sciences) +14, Knowledge (business) +27, Knowledge (civics) +9, Knowledge (current events) +17, Knowledge (streetwise) +14, Profession +19, Sense Motive +11.
   Languages: English (literate, native).
   Feats: Attentive, Confident, Deceptive, Iron Will, Quick Tempered, Redhead, Renown, Robust Redhead, Windfall (x3).
   Talents (Charismatic): Deathly Pale, Disease Resistance, Fast Talk, Favor.
   Talents (Dedicated): Reflective Skin
   Talents (Smart): Plan, Savant (Knowledge [business])
   Possessions: business suit, expensive and gaudy watch, smart phone with all the features, laptop computer (with upgrade, provides +1 bonus to Computer Use checks [not included in statistics block above], has a cell modem and broadband modem), suitcase, stun gun

--
All text in this post is presented under the Open Game License, and Donald Trump's name and likeness is used here in a satirical manner, under the fair use provisions of the US Copyright laws. If you find this material amusing or useful, please support our efforts by buying some of our actual releases.

(By the way, this is the second time we've given game stats to The Donald. You can see what he looks like in the ROLF! rollplaying game in Professor Fiend.)

The Trumpkin Talent Tree

While driving around today, I heard not one but two callers to the Michael Medved Show angrily express how offended they were that he was referring to Trump Supporters as "Trumpkins." It perhaps goes without saying (especially if you're a regular reader of this blog's d20 System offerings and/or consumer of ROLF! products) but I was inspired to write a Talent Tree for OGL d20 Modern.

A gaggle of Trumpkins in their (extremely small) comfort zone.

THE TRUMPKIN TALENT TREE

The following text is presented under the Open Game License and may be reproduced in accordance with it. Copyright 2016 by Steve Miller.

The Trumpkin Talent Tree is available to any character that meets the prerequisite and who may select a talent due to level advancement. Especially those who love reality TV shows and want to make America Great Again.



   Trump Supporter: Gain a +2 bonus to attack and damage rolls against anyone you think disagrees with you in any way, shape, or form. The bonus increases to +3 if you think your target doesn't support Donald Trump.

   Prerequisite: The Power of Embarrassment feat, or Spirit of a Nation feat, or one talent from the White Male Talent Tree.

   Recite Slogans: Gain a +4 bonus to Bluff and Intimidate skill checks when repeating The Words of Trump to the ignoramuses that don't share your devotion. (You may use this talent a number of times per day equal to your Charisma bonus.)

   Prerequisite: Trump Supporter

   Dish It Out: Gain a +2 bonus to Bluff and Intimidate skill checks when engaging in verbal exchanges with those you disagree with. A number of times per day equal to your Wisdom bonus, you may force your target(s) to roll a Will save (DC11+your Charisma bonus). If the saving throw fails, your target is enraged and attacks you, suffering a -2 penalty to attack and damage rolls. You gain a +2 bonus to your Defense Rating. You may affect a number of targets up to your skill ranks in Bluff.

   Bonuses stack with those gained from other talents.

   Prerequisite: Can't Take It

   Can't Take It: When confronted by someone who doesn't share your devotion to The Donald, you must roll a Will save (DC14). If you fail, you must attack the target of your ire either verbally (-4 bonus to Bluff and Intimidate skill checks) or physically (+2 bonus to attack and damage rolls).

   Prerequisite: Trump Supporter


--
The preding text is presented under the Open Game License. Copyright 2016 Steve Miller

  



Do you need help with your Trump Anxiety?

TRIGGER WARNING! DONALD TRUMP AHEAD! (Although this post will provide with information on how to deal with your Trump Anxiety, we realize that you are fragile and we want to prepare you, so we don't cause you to have an episode.)


A new disorder is sweeping the nation--Trump Anxiety. Once thought limited only to certain segments of the Republican Party leadership, and particularly hysterical Democrats, this condition has spread to a surprisingly wide percentage of the population in the United States of America and even abroad. The Chicago Tribune (courtesy of the WaPo's syndication service) reports on the affliction and those tortured souls who suffer from it, here.

Does this man haunt your dreams? NUELOW can help!

We here at NUELOW Games hate to see our fellow human beings suffer, so we've created some material to help those who suffer from Trump Anxiety to confront your fears and move beyond them.... and they'll cost you far, far less than what you'll pay a therapist, be it for massage or mental therapy.


THE NUELOW GAMES CURE FOR TRUMP ANXIETY!
Follow these easy steps, and you'll be on your way to curing yourself of your Trump Anxiety. Roleplaying has long been used to confront fears and derangements by therapists. We are now taking those concepts into the realm of self-help/self-service and rollplaying.

Step One: Verify You Actually Suffer From the Condition. If the header of this post, or the picture of The Donald above troubled you, maybe you suffer from Trump Anxiety. To be sure, however, you need to click on this link to inspect a different post on this blog. It contains another picture of Trump, along with a set of stats that represent him in the ROLF! rollplaying game system. If your distress grows by viewing that page, you suffer from Trump Anxiety.

Step Two: Get a copy of You vs. Me and Relentlessly Gay. These rollplaying products provide the framework within which you will confront your fears. Also, get a copy of Professor Fiend. This book contains additional tools to help you overcome your Trump Anxiety, as well as game statistics for The Donald similar to the ones you've already seen on this blog. (To provide maximum access to the therapeutic powers of rollplaying, all three of those products are available in one easy download, at a discount. Click here to get the Trump Anxiety Self-Help Kit.)

Step Three: Find a friend, or a Fellow Sufferer of Trump Anxiety. Create characters of yourself and your friend, using You vs. Me. Then, using either the statistics for Donald Trump presented on this blog, or in Professor Fiend, pit the character you have made against Trump, within the safety of a rollplaying game. You will see that he is nothing to be afraid of. Take turns defeating him if necessary. You can also play through the battle scenario in Professor Fiend for a further illustration of how ridiculous Trump is... and how ridiculous it is to suffer from Trump Anxiety. For extra relaxation and perspective, read the comics in Professor Fiend.

Step Four: Actively Support Another Candidate. America is a democratic Republic for God's sake. Trump may behave like he's going to be the Dictator-in-Chief, but if everyone gets off their asses and stops whining about him on the internet and instead becomes active in the Republican or Democratic parties, he will be relegated to his rightful status as a joke and a footnote in history even before the primaries have run their course. You can join Step Three and Step Four together, doing them at the same time. You can even pit Hillary Clinton or other political figures against Trump using other NUELOW Games releases, further proving to yourself that your Trump Anxiety is completely unfounded. (Just don't use Bernie Sanders. He's going to lose every time.)
Step Five: Vote in the General Election. If you know who you're going to vote for, you know you have nothing to fear from Trump... because you know other sane people are going to be voting like you are. Especially if you've been talking to them while engaging in Step Four.

THE THREE PARTS OF THE TRUMP ANXIETY SELF-HELP KIT:

 

Click to order a Trump Anxiety Self-Help Kit from NUELOW Games!

Donald Trump and Jeb Bush ala ROLF!

It had to be done. You can now use You vs. Me or ROLF!:The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters to pit Jeb and The Donald against each other in a fight to the death. Or you can have them square off against Big H, or perhaps even B.O. himself. (Their stats can be found in ROLF!: Super Muslim Bros., among other places.)

The Donald and Jeb. Two Dweebs Enter. One Dweeb Leaves.

JEB BUSH (Male)

(aka JEB)

Brawn 15, Body 12, Brains 5

   Traits: Improv Master*, Squeamish

   Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Dodge, Signature Move*, Strategic Bleeding

   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Expensive Suit and Tie (Clothes). Pocket Knife (Small Melee Weapon. Deals 1 point of damage).

DONALD TRUMP (Male)

(aka The Donald)

Brawn 17, Body 11, Brains 4

   Traits: Coldhearted, Obnoxious

   Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Bitch Slap, Debate Philosophy, Withering Insult*

   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Expensive Suit and Tie (Clothes). Hair (Armor, absorbs 1 point of damage).

*These traits and combat maneuvers are detailed in Relentlessly Gay, as well as other ROLF! supplements.

New Trait

This is a trait that has not been included in any ROLF! supplements. It appears here for the first time.

   Obnoxious: You roll against your ATT Body when using your Debate Philosophy combat maneuver (instead of ATT Brains, as is usually called for). Your arguments are so wrongheadedly obnoxious that, in addition to the function described in the core rules, you inflict 1 point of damage to all characters in the fight (including yourself). This damage ignores armor. All characters may roll a separate Brains ATT check to avoid the damage.