Showing posts with label Barack Obama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Barack Obama. Show all posts

Tuesday, August 11, 2026

RPG-a-Day #11: Tact

Brigid has been friendly with U.S. presidents since George Washington

"You've heard the joke 'Always be tactful with dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup'? There's more truth there than most people realize, especially those who discover a shapeshifted dragon's true nature r name and try to leverage them in some fashion. If you try this, you will die. Period. But if you show proper deference and otherwise demonstrate how you aren't a threat to the dragon or its agenda, you might live and be brought into a very limited inner circle. Some of my best human friends have turned out to be the ones who stumbled on my true nature. One of them even encouraged me to write a handbook to help humans who end up knowing an awkward and deadly truth."
--Brigid the Red, a dragon living secretly among humanity


DEALING WITH DRAGONS:
A Practical Guide to Approaching 
Draconic Entities in Humanoid Form
(Part One)

An Instructive Text for Adventurers of All Experience Levels, By Brigid the Red


Introduction: The Hidden Threat

You've heard the stories. Dragons hoarding treasure in mountain lairs, terrorizing villages, demanding tribute from terrified kingdoms. What the bards don't tell you is that some of the most powerful dragons you'll ever encounter won't be in their lairs at all. They'll be sitting across from you at a negotiating table. Serving you wine at a noble's banquet. Signing trade contracts in a merchant's office. Adjudicating disputes as a magistrate.
   Red, white, blue, green, silver, and gold dragons—the most commonly encountered true dragons—possess innate shapeshifting abilities that allow them to assume humanoid form with perfect ease. Many choose to live among humans, elves, and other civilized races for decades or even centuries, pursuing agendas that range from accumulating wealth and political power to protecting the innocent from evil. The dragon you meet in human form is no less dangerous than one in its true shape; in fact, it may be more so, because you won't see it coming.
   Most adventurers never realize they've encountered a dragon in disguise. Those who do recognize the signs face a critical decision: how do you behave once you know what you're dealing with? This manual provides tactical guidance for that exact situation. Your life may depend on getting it right.
Recognizing Dragons in Humanoid Form
   Identifying a dragon in humanoid form requires keen observation, magical awareness, and experience. Dragons are masters of disguise, but they cannot completely suppress their true nature.
   Physical Tells (Spot Check, DC 20-25): Look for subtle inconsistencies. Eyes that reflect light like a cat's. Fingernails that seem unusually thick or slightly translucent, like claws filed down. Skin that's too perfect, too smooth, or has an almost imperceptible scaled texture in certain light. Hair color that matches their draconic hue—a "human" with metallic silver hair and pale skin might be a silver dragon; someone with unusual reddish or coppery tones could be a red. Dragons often unconsciously mirror their true coloration.
   Body language provides clues. Dragons move with predatory grace that seems slightly wrong for a humanoid frame. They may unconsciously position themselves to dominate a room, taking the highest seat or standing where they can observe all exits. White dragons, being the least socially oriented, often struggle most with humanoid mannerisms and may seem crude or socially awkward.
   Magical Signatures (Detect Magic, Arcane Sight): A dragon in humanoid form radiates a powerful magical aura. Detect magic reveals an overwhelming aura of transmutation magic (from their shapechanging). Arcane sight or true seeing penetrates the disguise entirely, revealing their true form. However, casting divination magic at someone in polite society is considered deeply offensive—equivalent to drawing a weapon. If you must verify, do so subtly or from a distance.
   Behavioral Signs (Sense Motive, DC 18-22): Dragons cannot fully suppress their personalities. A red dragon in human form still exhibits arrogance and expects deference. A gold dragon radiates authority and righteousness. Green dragons are manipulative conversationalists who steer discussions with unnatural skill. Blues are militaristically precise. Silvers show unusual concern for justice and the welfare of common folk.
   Knowledge Checks (Knowledge [arcana] or [nature], DC 20): If you suspect you're dealing with a dragon, a successful check recalls information about that dragon type's behavior, alignment, and typical motivations. This knowledge is critical for determining your approach.
   Beware: If a dragon realizes you've identified them, their reaction depends on their alignment and current agenda. Good dragons may be relieved or concerned. Evil dragons may see you as a threat to be eliminated. Never let your recognition show on your face. Master your body language. A failed Bluff check (opposed by their Sense Motive, which carries substantial bonuses) could be fatal.

Can you spot the dragon?
 

Universal Draconic Protocol and Etiquette

Certain protocols apply to all dragons regardless of type or alignment. Violating these principles can turn even a neutral encounter deadly.
   Never Lie to a Dragon: Dragons have centuries of experience reading humanoids. Their Sense Motive bonuses are extraordinary, and many have magical abilities that detect deception. Even if you succeed in lying, the attempt itself is often more offensive than the truth would have been. Dragons value honesty—even evil dragons prefer honest enemies to dishonest allies.
   Honor All Agreements Absolutely: Dragons remember everything. If you make a promise to a dragon, fulfill it exactly as stated. If circumstances make that impossible, approach the dragon immediately to renegotiate. Breaking your word to a dragon marks you as untrustworthy, and that reputation will follow you. Dragons talk to each other, and they never forget.
   Respect Their Intelligence: Dragons are among the most intelligent creatures in existence. Don't attempt to manipulate them with obvious tricks or treat them as if they're stupid. Even white dragons, the least intelligent, are still smarter than most humans. Assume the dragon is aware of more than they're revealing.
   Never Threaten a Dragon: This should be obvious, but adventurers sometimes forget themselves. Even if you're powerful, even if you have allies, never threaten a dragon unless you're prepared to fight to the death immediately. Dragons respond to threats with overwhelming force. If you must establish boundaries, do so respectfully: "I cannot agree to that term" rather than "If you try that, you'll regret it."
   The Moment of Revelation: If you decide to reveal that you know what they are, choose your moment carefully. Approach privately, not in front of others who don't know. Begin with respect: "I believe I understand who you truly are, and I want to assure you that your secret is safe with me." Then clearly state your intentions. This moment determines whether you become an ally, a neutral party, or a target.
   Professional Courtesy: Treat dragons with the same tactful courtesy you'd show any powerful noble or official—because that's what they are. Use appropriate titles, maintain respectful body language, and avoid casual familiarity unless they explicitly invite it. Dragons appreciate proper etiquette.
   Exit Strategies: Always have a plan for leaving the encounter. Know where the exits are. Have escape magic prepared (teleportation, invisibility, dimension door). If you're meeting a dragon deliberately, tell allies where you're going and establish a check-in time. Dragons respect caution—it shows intelligence.

Monday, February 16, 2015

Happy President's Day!

President's Day is one of the most confusing Federal holidays on the calendar. Some people will tell you it's in honor of George Washington's birthday. Others will tell you it's in honor of Abraham Lincoln's birthday. Yet others will INSIST that it's in honor of both Washington and Lincoln's birthday. A rare few will tell you tht it's not President's Day but Presidents' Day and that it is there to honor ALL U.S. presidents. The truth is that it celebrates George Washington's birthday. Period. End of story. There has NEVER been a federal holiday recognizing Lincoln or any president other than Washington. And it's President's Day, not Presidents' Day.

At NUELOW Games, in order to sow confusion, we are taking today to recognize ALL U.S. presidents by spotlighting the various ROLF! titles we've released that feature them as characters you can play. In all cases, click on the links in the titles to be taken the title's listing for further previews.


 
 


First up, there's The Associated Shades of Hades ROLF! adaptation. It contains stats for George Washington, but we haven't actually used him in a Battle Scenario. We will have to rectify that situation one of these days.




Dead Presidents, the perfect battle scenario for those who want to honor Lincoln on President's Day. It pits the spirits of two of America's greatest presidents against the nefarious spirits of Adolf Hitler and Kim Jong Il.




We have two Battle Scenarios featuring America's horniest president -- Bill Clinton Meets a Girl Scout and Bill Clinton and the Secret City of Women. Join Bill as he bravely chases skirts where no president has chased skirts before, all while avoiding the wrath of his wife and trying to outsmart his rival Anthony Weiner.
 


We have also released several Battle Scenarios involving the current U.S. President, Barack Obama. He's a Peace Prize Winner who has restored America's reputation in the world. He also stopped the seas from rising! In the Breast Hope for Peace, he teams up with other world leaders to stop a terrorist attack and battle Martians; in Dragon vs. Tiger, he joins with Tiger Woods to stop terrorism on the golf course; and in Super Muslim Bros., we reveal how he saved Egypt from being overrun by mummies.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Given what's going on in Egypt....

... and the absolute disaster that is the Obama Administration's Mid-East policy, would it be bad form to mention that John Kerry vs. the Queen of Evil features Kerry as a 3,000 year-old priest of Iss revived in modern times to fight his undying nemesis? Yeah... probably, especially since it features ROLF! stats for Kerry, the Queen of Evil, the goddess Isis, and ancient citizens of Luxor. And then there's the back-up feature starring Black Cat where she takes on "Cleopatra of the Casbah." Yes. Almost certainly bad form, not to mention possibly disrespectful of the rioters burning Christian churches and attacking government buildings. So, I better not mention that book at all, even though it can be downloaded right now for the special "pay what you want" price.

It would be even tackier of me to bring up ROLF!: Super Muslim Bros., which pokes fun at the architects of the bloody mess that is Egypt today, as Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton go on a secret mission to help Mohamed Morsi out of a bind. Yeah... that would be even worse, since that one features ROLF! stats for Morsi, Obama, Clinton, Muslim Brotherhood Thugs, mummies, and other bloodthirsty Egyptian "protesters." And I should certainly not mention that you can find it for sale at RPGNow.

Yeah... that would be horribly insensitive to the "death to America" crowd, which is pretty much everyone in Egypt these days....

I think I'll just focus on promoting our new comics/gaming project -- the happy four-color wonder that is Carnival! After all, it's got game material geared for OGL Modern, a far more popular game that ROLF!, so it just makes sense. (It even features a Black Cat story that is non-Egypt related... and plenty of clowns that have nothing to do with formulating U.S. foreign policy.)


Saturday, August 4, 2012

August 4 is Barack Obama's birthday!

And NUELOW Games is helping him and his supporters celebrate by offering a one-day only special bundle of products: THE BARACK BIRTHDAY BOX!


Heck, even if you're not a fan of President Obama, you should check out this special offer. Buying it will help stimulate the economy... and you'll get several cool ROLF! products at 60% off the usual price. This is also a great way to test our flagship rollplaying game.

The birthday box includes a copy of ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters, The Death of Osama bin Laden, The Breast Hope for Beast, Gahdaffi's Angels, Dead Presidents, and our latest release Dragon vs. Tiger. Check it out! It's your patriotic duty! :)

Click here to check out the BARACK BIRTHDAY BOX!