Wednesday, September 19, 2012

A Pre-Generated ROLF! Character:
El Lahab (aka Bruce the Flamer)

Here's a pre-generated character that can be used to augment ROLF! scenarios like The Breast Hope for Peace or Gaddafi's Angels, Flem El Lahab (aka Bruce Gevlam aka The Flamer aka Bruce the Flamer aka Suger Buns). His favorite things to do are attending al-Qaeda meetings, killing Infidels, taking long showers with his fellow terrorists, and singing along with ABBA and Boney M. songs. His sign is Virgo.

Flem El Lahab, aka Bruce the Flamer (Male)
Brawn 16, Body 14, Brains 6
Traits: Dumb, Nimble, Misogynist, Same Sex Preference
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dance Move, Double Strike, Yodel, Seduce, Strike Pose
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: AK-47 Assault Rifle (Large Ranged Weapon, deals 4 points of damage that ignore armor. Can also be used as melee weapon and deal 2 points of damage).

El Lahab strutting his stuff at a recent al Qaeda get-together in Libya

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

NUELOW Gangnam Style Guide

It may come as a shock to you, but I am not terribly hip or with-it, so pop culture phenomenons often leave me scratching my head. (L.L. Hundal is slightly more in touch with the coolness of the universe, but that's because she lives in the pop cultural mecca that is Salt Lake City.)

When I first started listening to Psy's "Gangnam Style", I was thinking "Geeze, another cookie-cutter piece of crap." But I then I noticed how hilarious the video was. The VIDEO is what makes this thing worth listening to. It's full of hilarity, some screamingly obvious and others subtle but all perfectly timed.

As for the lyrics, I've now know what they say, courtesy of this webpage, and the video does them justice:

- Gangnam Style -
Oppa is Gangnam style
Gangnam style
A girl who is warm and humanle during the day
A classy girl who know how to enjoy the freedom of a cup of coffee
A girl whose heart gets hotter when night comes
A girl with that kind of twist
I’m a guy
A guy who is as warm as you during the day
A guy who one-shots his coffee before it even cools down
A guy whose heart bursts when night comes
That kind of guy
Beautiful, loveable
Yes you, hey, yes you, hey
Beautiful, loveable
Yes you, hey, yes you, hey
Now let’s go until the end
Oppa is Gangnam style, Gangnam style
Oppa is Gangnam style, Gangnam style
Oppa is Gangnam style
Eh- Sexy Lady, Oppa is Gangnam style
Eh- Sexy Lady oh oh oh oh
A girl who looks quiet but plays when she plays
A girl who puts her hair down when the right time comes
A girl who covers herself but is more sexy than a girl who bares it all
A sensable girl like that
I’m a guy
A guy who seems calm but plays when he plays
A guy who goes completely crazy when the right time comes
A guy who has bulging ideas rather than muscles
That kind of guy
Beautiful, loveable
Yes you, hey, yes you, hey
Beautiful, loveable
Yes you, hey, yes you, hey
Now let’s go until the end
Oppa is Gangnam style, Gangnam style
Oppa is Gangnam style, Gangnam style
Oppa is Gangnam style
Eh- Sexy Lady, Oppa is Gangnam style
Eh- Sexy Lady oh oh oh oh
On top of the running man is the flying man, baby baby
I’m a man who knows a thing or two
On top of the running man is the flying man, baby baby
I’m a man who knows a thing or two
You know what I’m saying
Oppa is Gangnam style
Eh- Sexy Lady, Oppa is Gangnam style
Eh- Sexy Lady oh oh oh oh

And the video and the lyrics become even funnier if you know how they fit into the map of Korean society. This article explains that nicely.

With every success, comes parodies and covers... and "Gangnam Syle" is no exception. I keep typing it "Gundam Style", so there may be a good parody based off that coming eventually... but not yet.)

We're going to give you the best parody up front... it takes "Gangnam Style" and crosses it with the characters and music from one of the greatest movies ever made--"Big Trouble in Little China." The result is "Lo Pan Style"... and watch for the great cameo from James Wong.

Here's one from Jervy Hou that's almost as funny as the original. For your amusement: "Gunman Style."


And not to be outdone, the Klingons and Trekkies are getting in on the action with the hilarious "Oppa Klingon Style".

And here's a Japanese perspective with "You Study Like Sh*t"....

And then there's this:

Finally, here's an alternate English translation being performed. :)

Sunday, September 16, 2012

Soon to be a best-selling RPG, based on the major motion picture...

NUELOW Games is aggressively pursuing the RPG license for a forthcoming cinematic masterpiece of existential modern-day psychological horror. We are, truly, the only RPG publisher with the level of style and class who could do it justice.

Prepare yourself for the terror of GHOST TITS by watching the bone-chilling preview...

Visit the official site, www.wheredemtitsgo, by clicking here.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Who will win when it's Pirates vs. Fairies?

The latest NUELOW Games release for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters answers the age old question: Who would win in a fight--Pirates or Fairies?

Now you and your game group can discover the answer in ROLF!: Pirates vs. Fairies. For just $0.50, you'll get five pre-generated characters that are ready for battle, never-before-seen Traits to let you make your own ROLF! fairies, and the usual assortment of Combat Maneuvers and Battle Scenarios.

Check it out today! Get yourself ready for International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

We've been told that the age old question is whether Pirates or Ninjas would win in a fight. Oh well. I guess we're living up to our image as cutting edge by asking a question no one has asked before!! (And for the record, we answered the Pirates vs. Ninjas question in Cap'n Jack on the Isle of Pirate's Doom.)

Monday, September 10, 2012

The Man Who IS Fantasy comes to ROLF!

When the world is threatened by the Cult of Kathulos, only the combined might of the world's foremost fantasy author and man of adventure R.L. McSterlingthong and mad scientist Nikola Tesla can save us!

R.L. McSterlingthong and Nikolai Tesla vs. The Daughter of Skull-Face is a ROLF! supplment that's almost as epic as one R.L. McSterlingthong's novels. With game statistics for McSterlingthong, Tesla, the Daughter of Skull-Face, and Kathulos Cultists, and four linked battle scenarios, it features the same level of realism and careful research you have come to expect from NUELOW Games ever since we released ROLF!: The Death of Osama bin Laden.

 Click here to check out previews of R.L. McSterlingthong and Nikolai Tesla vs. The Daughter of Skull-Face, or to get your own copy for just $0.60, at For more on McSterlingthong and his writings, visit his Fan Page, or keep up with his exciting life on his personal Facebook Page.

If you want to catch up on who Kathulos is, and why there's a cult devoted to him, check out Robert E. Howard's Skull-Face.

Friday, September 7, 2012

September 7 is National Buy a Book Day!

Logo by Clifton Hill

Last year, editor Phil Athans declared September 7 National Buy a Book Day--a day where you buy a book from any retailer, in any format, to support writers, publishers, and retailers. And to get yourself some great entertainment as well!

September 7 is back, and so is National Buy a Book Day! We here at NUELOW Games would like YOU to join in the celebration, so to make easy for you, we're discounting all of our fiction collections by 25% for the entire weekend. Even the brand-new, literally just released today Breckinridge Elkins Rides Again by Robert E. Howard is available at a discount!

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

If we had an art budget....

.... beyond the money we find under the couch cushions when we are at our friends's homes, we would have cool art like this stuff by Jim Steranko in Oriental Stories 3: An American in Afghanistan. That anthology features Robert E. Howard's final great series character Francis X. Gordon, nicknamed El Borak.. These are some great El Borak drawings (whether or not that is who Steranko originally portrayed.).

And then there's this drawing of Black Cat. Of course, if I'd seen it before we produced ROLF!: Bat Meets Cat, I would have given her the Too Sexy for My Shirt Trait.

For more artwork by Steranko, check out this gallery at Shades of Gray.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Stories in six words

There's a legend that Ernest Hemingway was trying to bum a drink of a friend, and that he ultimately succeeded by proving he could write a story in less than ten words. His story was, supposedly, just six words long:

 For Sale: Baby shoes, never worn.

 It's a fun little game to play, but I have to admit that I seem to need seven or eight words at least to make a story I'm happy with. Nonetheless, I'm toying with the idea of including a few super-short Battle Scenarios in upcoming ROLF! scenarios. Does anyone out there have an opinion? Or maybe some less-than-10-word scenarios to contribute? Post 'em below, or send them to us here at NUELOW Games via email. Meanwhile, here are a few of my more successful attempts six-word stories.

  "I'm no Hemingway," his killer said.

  She returned. Emma was soon avenged.

  He rolled the dice and danced.

The joy of writing six word stories!