Saturday, December 31, 2011

NUELOW Games Best-Sellers for December 2011

Here's the NUELOW Games best-sellers list for December.

I want to thank all of you who have chosen to support us by purchases a game or a fiction anthology... and I hope you'll join us again for more fun and great reads in 2012. (We'll get "ROLF! At Sea" and "White Zombie" out, because if we dont' do it in 2012, we might not do it at all! And I suspect there will be at least two end-of-the-world/Mayans at the Mayo Clinic/Mayas vs. Nexicans, or some such product for ROLF! or something else.

And we're always open to look at submissions. Drop us a line at if you want to publish your game (or even your fiction) under the NUELOW Games banner. There is, as they say, strength in numbers!

See you all in 2012!

NUELOW Games' Best Sellers for December

1. ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters (Core RPG Rule Set)

2. ROLF!: Revenge of the Martians (RPG Supplement)

3. Horror for the Holidays (Short Story Collection)

4. ROLF!: Serenade for Sirens in G Minor (RPG Supplement)

5. ROLF!: Playwrights and Piledrivers (RPG Supplement)

6. Shanghaied Mitts (Short Story Collection)

7. ROLF!: Day of the Turkey (RPG Supplement)

8. Shadows Over Texas (Short Story Collection)

9. ROLF!: The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po (RPG Supplement)

10. ROLF!: Gaddafi's Angels (RPG Supplement)

Thursday, December 29, 2011

The latest fiction release from us: 'Shadows Over Texas'

Available now at Shadows Over Texas, a small e-book collecting three powerful and horrifying Robert E. Howard stories where he merged his gift for writing action and horror with his love of the Southwest where he lived.

Click here for more information and to get your own copy for just $1.50.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

When Drunken Santas Attack: A ROLF! Christmas Battle

Apparently, a bunch of low-lifes decided to give Santa a bad name when "thousands of drunken Santas terrorized Lower Manhattan [...] earlier this month."

Santa's daughter Sugar Plum,
modeling how proper Santas behave.
Under the headline "Drunken Santas Terrorized Lower Manhattan During SantaCon, Locals Say" a news article described drunken Santa rampages that, among other things, included much public urination.

My first thought upon reading it was, "How can they be sure it wasn't just another spin-off of the Occupy [Insert Random Location Here] Movement? Was it the red hats?"

My second thought was, "There's a ROLF! scenario in this."

And here it is! Merry Christmas, my friends!

A ROLF! Combat Scenario for 2 - 4 Players

Santa Claus' youngest daughter Sugar Plum and her good friend Christian Arab-Israeli bikini model Huda are Christmas shopping in Lower Manhattan when six loud, foul-mouthed men dressed like Santa come rushing at them.
"Hey, babes... wanna lick Santa's candy cane?" one shouts, the smell of cheap booze wafting off him.

Sugar Plum and Huda must defend the honor of the real Santa by kicking the crap out of these miscreants.

This Combat Maneuver is possessed by the Drunken Santas in his scenario, but any uncouth male character you choose to create may select it.

Precision Urination (Male Only): The character is able to direct a sustained urine stream with uncanny accuracy. May be used at Ranged Distance, but the ATT check must be rolled successfully on 3d6 instead of the usual 2d6. The target must make a successful Body ATT check or lose 1 point of Body and and all remaining Actions that round. ATT BODY.

Here are the characters used in "When Drunken Santas Attack."

HUDA (stats taken from "The Breast Hope for Peace")
Brawn is 33; Body is 18; Brains is 10.
Traits: Nimble, Too Sexy for My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Bitch Slap, Disarm, Dodge, Furious Fists, Seduce, Signature Move, Strike Pose, The Look, Run Away.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Sexy High Fashion-wear (Clothes). Bag Full of Christmas Presents (Regular-sized Melee Weapon. Deals 3 points of damage.)

SUGAR PLUM (stats taken from "Santa vs. Santos vs. Jesus")
Brawn is 20; Body is 20; Brains is 7.
Traits: Busty, Jolly, Nimble
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dodge, Infectious Good Cheer, Seduce, Strike Pose, Spelling (Lucky Number Seven, Shafting).
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Fur-lined Booties, Santa Hat (Armor. Absorbs 1 point of damage), Bikini-style Santa Suit (Armor. Absorbs 2 point of damage, Regular-sized Present (Melee OR one-shot Ranged Weapon. Deals 2 points of damage. One shot.) Two small Presents (Ranged Weapon. 1 point of damage. One shot each.)

NYPD RIOT COP (stats modifed from "The Pimp, The Protester, and the Po-Po")
Brawn is 31; Body is 14; Brains is 6.
Traits: Coldhearted
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Castrate, Disembowel, Dodge, Do Lunch, Pimp Slap.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Riot Gear. (Armor. Absorbs up to 5 points of damage.). Night Stick (Small Melee Weapon. Does 2 points of damage. Pepper Spray (Small Melee Weapon. Ignores armor. Does 1 point of damage and target must roll a successful Body ATT check or be unable to use any Combat Maneuvers for 1d6+1 rounds.), Taser (Small Melee Weapon. Ignores armor. Deals 3 points of damage.)

DRUNKEN SANTA (stats original to this combat scenario)
Brawn is 11; Body is 10; Brains is 3.
Traits: Dumb
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Precision Urination, Strategic Bleeding.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Santa Suit stained with beer and unidentifiable substances (Clothes). Pabst Six Pack (Small Melee Weapon. Deals 2 points of damage.)

This scenario is intended for at least three gamers. It features Sugar Plum, Huda, Six Drunken Santas, and Two NYPD Riot Cops.

Sugar Plum and Huda are each controlled by a different gamer, while the Drunken Santas and NYPD Riot Cops can be controlled by one or two other gamers, depending on whether three or four gamers are at the table. If four are playing, then the Drunken Santas and NYPD Riot Cops are divided in two groups of three Santas and two NYPD Riot Cops respectively, each controlled by a different gamer.)

Sugar Plum and Huda initially each face three Drunken Santas initially, for a total of six. When only two of those Santas are left standing, two NYPD Riot Cops show up to break up the fight, batons and pepper-spray at the ready. One of the remaining Drunken Santas then becomes an ally of Sugar Plum and the other joins Huda.
The battle continues until both Sugar Plum and Huda or all the Santas and Cops are defeated.

(BTW... "When Drunken Santas Attack" is a work of fiction. Any similarity to real people, places, and events without satirical intent is purely coincidental. Copyright 2011 Steve Miller. All Rights Reserved. Although you're welcome to copy-and-paste the text if you feel like playing the scenario and doing so will make it easier for you.)

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A Merry Christmas to All... and to All a Good Fight!

NUELOW Games' editor and the co-creator of ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters, L.L. Hundal, loves Christmas. It's therefore no surprise that she would be the driving force behind the creation of a rollplaying game sequel to Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

L.L Hundal, Steve Miller, and NUELOW Games proudly share our Christmas turkey with you--ROLF!: Revenge of the Martians.

We want to give this ROLF! supplement to friends of NUELOW Games as a Christmas present. Click on this link, and you can download your very own free copy. (The free offer is good through December 26, 2011.)

It includes six linked battle scenarios, and all the characters and combat maneuvers and traits and pre-generated characters you've come to expect in a ROLF! supplement--but this release also introduces the brand-new vehicle design and combat system, allowing your to add a whole new level of mayhem to your ROLF! games.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Kim Jong Il has died at the age of 69

A tearful announcer on North Korean television reported the death of that nation's Dear Leader today. The cause of death was given as "overwork" spurred by a "lifetime of dedication to his people."

Some sources indicated that Kim was riding on a train at the time of his death, taking part in a Rap Battle against Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran to finally settle the dispute over which of them was craziest, and that the strain of 23 hours of straight rapping was too much for him.

Whatever the true cause of Kim's death, he has now joined the cast of characters for "Houseboat on the River Styx", so now he can REALLY be in an Epic Rap Battle of History.

ROLF! game stats for Kim Jong Il appeared in "ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace". (Ahmadinejad's stats also appear in that product, along with numerous other characters... so you can re-purpose the material to create a game scenario around the REAL Lil' Kim's final stand at the mic.)

Monday, December 5, 2011

Observing the anniversary of Mozart's passing on December 5.

Together on stage for the first time -- Michael Jackson! Jimi Hendrix! Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart! With a special appearance by Ophelia on the cowbell!

It promises to be the biggest musical night EVER, as Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart invites the Associated Shades of Hades to a special pay-at-the-door concert is celebration of his birthday and deathday with the premiere performance of his latest composition... but will he and his fellow musicians be reduced to blobs of ectoplasms by the jealousy-motivated attack from Tiny Tim and the Three Sirens before they can play the first note?

"Serenade for Sirens in G Major" is a new battle scenario for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters, and it is being released in observance of the anniversary of Mozart's death on December 5. It features six pre-generated characters (Mozart, Jimi Hendrix, Michael Jackson, Tiny Tim, the Three Sirens, and Ophelia) and six new Combat Maneuvers (including Dance Move and Power Chord).

But I grant that it might need more cowbell.

"Serenade for Sirens in G Major" is available for $0.50 from and

Here's a treat... the video for the original 1985 version of Falco's "Rock Me Amadeus." The bit with Mozart partying in the biker bar is a definite ROLF!/Houseboat on the River Styx moment!

And further... here are ROLF! stats for Flaco, who died in a traffic accident on Feb. 2, 1998. Perhaps he can come to Mozart's rescue if things go badly against Tiny Tim and the Sirens, or maybe he can replace Michael Jackson in the combat scenario.

Falco (Male)
Body: 22, Body: 14, Brains: 5
Traits: Nimble
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Double Strike, Strike Pose, Walk and Chew Gum, Yodel.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Clothes (Dapper Tuxedo), Microphone Stand (Large Melee Weapon. Deals 3 points of damage.)

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

November best-sellers for NUELOW Games

Here are the best-selling titles for NUELOW Games this month. Our sales were not quite as strong as in October, and I don't think the Thanksgiving sale made a difference one way or the other; our prices are already so low that knocking a bit off the price won't entice anyone that wasn't going to buy anyway.

Next year, i think I'll just say, "Look! We've got stuff on sale for Black Friday!" (because we've got stuff on sale every day as it is....)

Still, it was a decent month... and I thank you all for your support. Please stick around.

Also, if you've got a short, rules-light RPG, get in touch. We'd love to add some gaming variety to our line-up.

NUELOW Games Best-sellers for November

1. ROLF!: Nine Days of the Ninja, by Steve Miller (Game Supplement)

2. Shanghaied Mitts, by Robert E. Howard (Short story collection)

3. ROLF!: Playwrights and Piledrivers, by Steve Miller (Game Supplement)

4. ROLF!: Day of the Turkey, by Steve Miller (Game Supplement)

5. Fists of Foolishness, including the Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard RPG, by Robert E. Howard, Steve Miller, and L.L. Hundal (Fiction anthology/Core game)

6. ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters, by L.L. Hundal and Steve Miller (Core game)

7. ROLF!: Supermodel Slapfest, by L.L. Hundal and Steve Miller (Game Supplement)

8. ROLF!: Icing Oetzi, by Steve Miller and L.L. Hundal (Game Supplement)

9. ROLF!: Gaddafi's Angels, by Steve Miller and L.L. Hundal (Game Supplement)

10. ROLF!: Herbert West vs. the Zombies, by Steve Miller (Game Supplement)

Monday, November 28, 2011

Cyber Monday sale details (deal tales?)

"They're THAT cheap now?!"
(NUELOW Games' staff artist Karl M. reacting to the sales prices)

Through the end of Monday, November 28, the fiction anthologies I've produced for NUELOW Games are on sale at a reduced price, what with it being "Cyber Monday" and all. This is also in celebration of the newly launched website, which is the exclusive outlet for NUELOW Games' pdf-format fiction anthologies.

Each of these ebooks (great for reading on the iPad or even an iPod Touch, and compatible with some models of the Amazon's Kindle) are currently priced at $1.50, no matter what the usual sales price is.

Click the titles below for more information on each book, and to purchase your copy for download. Help feed my hungry cats during this holday season, and get yourself some excellent reading material in the process!

Alice in Blunderland by John Kendrick Bangs (Humor/Political Satire): The Mad Hatter takes Alice for a visit in the perfect city he's founded... a place where everyone is perfect, because the laws are made to make politicians look good, to keep the rich prosperous, and the powerful powerful. (Sound like anywhere you know?)

Houseboat on the River Styx by John Kendrick Bangs and Steve Miller (Humor/Fantasy): A classic work of humor takes on new life as writer/editor Steve Miller "remasters" Bangs' "A Houseboat on the River Styx" and "In Pursuit of the Houseboat" into a single outrageous volume. Every owner of the book is garuenteed membership in the Associated Shades of Hades once they "cross over." Just don't tell William Shakespeare that "everything is better with Bacon" when you arrive.

Fists of Foolishness: The Tales of Sea-faring Boxing Champ Steve Costigan by Robert E. Howard (Humor/Adventure): Journey back to the 1920s and the seedy waterfront districts of the world's port towns for ten comedic misadventures from the typewriter and mind of the creator of Conan the Barbarian. Includes a complete roleplaying game, "The Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard"!

Shanghaied Mitts: More Tales of Sea-Faring Boxing Champ Steve Costigan by Robert E. Howard (Humor/Adventure): Eleven more of Steve Costigans misadventures are chronicled, as he takes on all comers, including Mexican bandits, Chinese warlords, industrial spies, and con-artists. Includes an adventure for use with "The Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard", or for stand-alone solo play.

The Deadly Sword of Cormac by Robert E. Howard (Historical Adventure/Fantasy): During the Third Crusades, there was a renegade Knight so fierce that he was feared by Moslems and Crusaders alike. His name was Cormac FiztGeoffrey. This book collects both novelletes that Howard wrote featuring Cormac.

Names in the Black Book: Three Nightmarish Mysteries by Robert E. Howard (Horror/Mystery): A trio of horror-drenched, hard-boiled detective mysteries.

White Fell and Other Stories by Clemence Housman and Robert E. Howard: Four off-beat horror stories that see lycanthropes clawing a bloody swath from the frozen wilds of Scandinavia, through the dark forests of central Europe, and to the sun-baked veldt of Africa.

Friday, November 25, 2011

ROLF!: Black Friday with Islamic Rage Boy and Pastor Jones

Here's a little ROLF! battle scenario and some characters in honor of the big shopping day here in the United States. You need a copy of "ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters", or "The Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard" to play it.

ROLF: Black Friday - A Scenario for 2 - 3 Players

It was Black Friday 2011, and all across America, people were the malls and the stores in search of great deals. Some are literally hitting the malls. And each other.

According to news reports, one of the outbreaks of violence happened at Lee's Music Store. Word spread that Lee was the only outlet to carry the legendary Christmas album recorded by Osama bin Laden; that he was selling it for just $1 each; and that he only had 100 copies. The first two parts of the rumor was true... but third part was not. Lee actually had 100,000 copies... he was selling the album as a Black Friday special, but then was going to serve as its exclusive U.S. distributor and place them in stores and mosque gift shops across the nation.

But the rumor was all that was needed to start a bloody riot outside the store. Among the rioters were Shakeel "Rage Boy" Bhat (who was in the United States to support the Occupy [Insert Random Open Space Here] Movement and lend his famous face and rage-filled antics to the protests) and Pastor Terry Jones (looking for something cheap and Islamic-related to burn at a rally to boost his election campaign for president of the United States).


Shakeel "Rage Boy" Bhat (Male)
Brawn: 28; Body: 12; Brains: 6
Traits: Nimble
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disarm, Disembowel, Kung Fu Face, Run Away!, Strike Pose.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Sword (Average Melee Weapon. Deals 3 points of damage.), Koran (Small Melee Weapon. Deals 1 point of damage. Can also be used once as a Ranged Weapon that deals 1 point of damage.)

Terry "Pastor" Jones (Male)
Brawn: 25; Body: 10; Brains: 5
Traits: Egomaniac
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Disarm, Disembowel, Run Away!.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Flame-thrower (Large Ranged Weapon Weapon. Deals 5 points of damage. 3 shots.), Bible (Small Melee Weapon. Deals 1 point of damage. Can also be used once as a Ranged Weapon that deals 1 point of damage.)

Generic Black Friday Shopper (Male or Female)
Brawn: 10; Body: 10; Brains: 3
Traits: Egomaniac
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Castrate, Dodge.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Pepper Spray (Small Ranged Weapon Weapon. Deals 2 points of damage, targeted character loses the attack action that would have followed if he doesn't make a successful ATT Body check.), Nine Iron (Medium Melee Weapon. Deals 3 point of damage.)


The scenario is intended for at least two players.

If used with two players, one gamer controls the Rage Boy, another controls the Pastor, and each has 2d6 Generic Black Friday Shoppers fighting "on their side," more or less. As the battle begins, the Rage Boy and the Paster are at Ranged distance from each other, with the Generic Shoppers between them.

To close to Melee, the Rage Boy and the Pastor must pass through the Generic Shoppers which will attack them. The groups of Generic Shoppers are also at Ranged distance from each other. The Rage Boy and the Pastor can stay at Ranged from each other by either not attempting to close the distance, or by using their Run Away! combat maneuvers. A successful ATT check means the character has backed away. However, they can also use Run Away! to counter each others attempts to stay at Ranged; in such a case, the character with the lowest ATT check wins and successfully closes... assuming they don't stop to fight Generic Shoppers. The Generic Shoppers can also be sent at either the Rage Boy or the Pastor. Closing from Ranged to Melee distance is a single action.

If used with three players, all the above applies, except the third player controls the Generic Shoppers and he sends them at whichever named character he chooses. There are 2d6 Generic Shoppers in play at the beginning of the combat. 1d6 additional join the fray until there are a maximum of 12 in the fight.

The battle continues until the Rage Boy or the Pastor are defeated. In the case of three players, the battle continues until either both the Rage Boy and the Pastor are defeated, or until one of them stands victorious over the other and all the Generic Shoppers.

(BTW... "ROLF!: Black Friday" is a work of fiction. Any similarity to real people, places, and events without satirical intent is purely coincidental. Copyright 2011 Steve Miller. All Rights Reserved. Although you're welcome to copy-and-paste the text if you feel like playing the scenario.)

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Big NUELOW Games sale through 11/28!

NUELOW Games Thanksgiving/Black Friday/Cyber Monday sale is in force. All products that usually cost $1.75 or more are now just $1.50 through Monday!

That means that , for example, you could get both of our best-selling Steve Costigan anthologies (featuring stories by Robert E. Howard and including the "Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard" roleplaying) AND "Hammerin' Tongs: A ROLF! Tribute to Robert E. Howard) for less than it would normally cost to just buy Fists of Foolishness.

Or you could get all "A Houseboat on the River Styx"-related products (Houseboat on the River Styx, "ROLF!: The Associated Shades of Hades" and "ROLF!: Playwrights and Piledrivers" for just a smidge more than the "Houseboat" anthology usually costs.

Or... or... or...

Check us out! If you've been thinking about it, now is the time to get one or more of our PDF fiction anthologies or OGL Modern products.

Click here for a listing of all our fiction anthologies. (Note: Fists of Foolishness contains "The Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard" RPG.)

Click here for a listing of all our OGL Modern products.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!

This Thursday, Americans will be celebrating Thanksgiving. We here at NUELOW Games are thankful for our readers and loyal players of ROLF!: The Roleplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters (as well as the 30-Minute Roleplaying Games by Jeff Grubb and yours truly). Your support means a lot to us... especially to me, as the reception of many of the ROLF! projects and our fiction releases has been a bright spot for me in what has otherwise been a dark and miserable year.

Thank you all for your support.

L.L. Hundal and I want to show our appreciation by giving you a free copy of "Day of the Turkey," a special Thanksgiving release that Ms. Hundal labled the "silliest idea yet"... and I could hear her shaking her head over the phone. But I included a Pilgrim Hat in the product, so I won her over! In it, a time-traveling Edward D. Wood Jr., famous for making cinematic turkeys, battles a Demon Turkey to save a family of pilgrims.

To get your free copy of "Day of Turkey," click on this link. (If you don't already own one of the versions of ROLF! or The Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard, you will need one of those as well.)

And do come back tomorrow. We'll be announcing our "Black Friday/Digital Monday" sale. (Basically, if you've thought about getting one of our anthologies but haven't been wanting to spend $1.75 or more, this will be the weekend to get one.)

The free offer is good through 11/28/2011.

Thanks again for your support, and I hope everyone across the U.S. and Americans away from home have a wonderful Thanksgiving with family and friends.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Available now: 'Shanghaied Mitts' by Robert E. Howard

NUELOW Games is proud to present Shanghaied Mitts: More Tales of Sea-faring Boxing Champ Steve Costigan, our follow-on anthology to Fists of Foolishness.

With this book, all 21 of the misadventures of Steve Costigan that were published during the too-short lifetime of his creator, Robert E. Howard, are available in low-cost NUELOW Games editions that are perfect for reading on an iPad or iPod Touch.

These classic short stories about a big-hearted but none-too-bright sailor whose pride in his skills as a boxer gets him into almost as much trouble as his loyalty to his ship-mates and his pet bulldog Mike, include some of the work that Howard produced.

In addition to the 11 stories, the book includes an RPG adventure designed for solo play, or use with "The Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard" (the game included in Fists of Foolishness) or any version of ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game. Titled "Steve Costigan and the Thief of Youth", this adventure was designed by Steve Miller, co-creator of the ROLF! game and former designer for Wizards of the Coast and other leading game publishers.

As a thank you for visiting the NUELOW Games blog, you can click here to get your copy of Shanghaied Mitts for just $3.00, almost 25% off the regular price.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

No posts on any of my blogs this week.

I am having really bad eye trouble. Hopefully, tomorrow's trip to the doctor will start to make things better.

I hope you'll check in at some point in the future.

Monday, November 14, 2011

And now... 'ROLF!: Playwrights and Piledrivers'

It's the battle to settle, once and for all, who gets to claim credit for the Complete Works of William Shakespear! In this corner: Sir Francis Bacon and the Earl of Oxford. In that corner, William Shakespeare and Macho Man Randy Savage!

Return to the world of "Houseboat on the River Styx", as "ROLF!: Playwrights and Piledrivers" pits Elizabethan poets versus Macho Man Randy Savage in a product only slightly less silly than the plot of Roland Emmerich's "Anonymous."

With new Combat Maneuvers, six pre-generated characters (including the Earl of Oxford and Macho Man Randy Savage), and fiction written by Steve Miller (or possibly Sir Francis Bacon... we may never know the truth, but it is a fact that Everything Is Better With Bacon), it's literary conspiracy theory as only NUELOW Games can do!

Click here to get your copy for only $0.50!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Steve Costigan battles again on 11/16/2011!

Last month, NUELOW Games released "Fists of Foolishness", a collection of ten humorous short stories by Robert E. Howard detailing the misadventures of sea-faring boxing champ Steve Costigan.

This Wednesday, Costigan sails again, taking the fight to gangsters, Chinese warlords, Mexican bandits, con artists, and any and all boxers who face him in the ring in "Shanghaied Mitts."

Featuring 11 action-packed tales of outrageous adventures that take Costigan from the wilds of Texas to the interior of China, and a handful for battle scenarios designed for use with The Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard game, this book is a must-have if you enjoyed Volume One.

Keep watching this space for news as to when the book will be on sale at the NUELOW Games store at Meanwhile, here's a look at the cover illustration for "Shanghaied Mitts."

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Secret Ninja Battle Revealed!

The excitement of a Godfrey Ho movie! The coherence of the Occupy Wall Street Protest! It's Ninja Action as only NUELOW Games can do it!

Fed up with only 1% of all Ninja getting to wear colorful togs, the black-clad 99% stage the Occupy the Secret Ninja Lair Protest... and Bruce Lee, Sue Shiomi, Lee Van Cleef, Sonny Chiba, Richard Harrison, and Maurice the Master of Evil Ninjas get swept up in the conflict. Who will survive the deadly action during Nine Days of the Ninja?!

Click here to get your copy! On sale for just $0.75!

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Ninjas are trying to keep their secret!

Computer glitches which has resulted in corrupted illos and editorial delays means that ROLF!: Nine Days of the Ninja will be delayed by a day. However, the nefarious dark magics will only delay and not deter us!

Here's another preview of the release.... Bruce Lee and Sue Shiomi, ala ROLF!

Brawn: 38; Body: 17; Brains: 8

Traits: Nimble, Sense of Honor, Too Sexy for My Shirt

Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Battle Cry, Disembowel, Double Strike, Furious Fists, Kung Fu Face, Seduce, Strike Pose.

Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Nunchuks (Average Melee Weapon. 2 points of damage.)

Brawn: 28; Body: 18; Brains: 9

Traits: Nimble

Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disarm, Disembowel, Dodge, Furious Fists, Knock Out, Kung Fu Face, Run Away!, Strike Pose.

Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Samurai Sword (Average Melee Weapon. Deals 3 points of damage.)

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Combat Maneuver: Kung Fu Face!

In celebration of Nine Days of the Ninja, here's a ROLF! Combat Manuever. (It will probably be refined by the time it appears in the forthcoming "ROLF!: Nine Days of the Ninja" supplement. Due this Saturday!)

Kung Fu Face
Successful Body Check causes opponents in the battle to lose the action they would have taken after the use of this combat manuever.
ATT Body

The deadliest of blogathons....

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

ROLF! for the iPhone is now available!

The ROLF! iPhone app game is now available in the iTunes store! Yay! Click here to check it out!

The app comes with a printable copy of the original "ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game for Big Dumb Fighters" so you can use the app based on the table-top game so you can play the table-top game!

The game features art and character portraits by Larry Elmore (just like the basic game and the first few supplements... as well as some that are coming up, as we drag Elmore back into the madness that is ROLF!)

Rick will be adding combat scenarios, characters, and such. And please let us know what you think of it, either on the iTunes site, here, or via email to me. :)

(Oh... and given the disclaimers on the game, Apple must be quite sensitive to violence and nudity. Or I'm desensitized to it.)

Monday, October 31, 2011

ROLF!: Horrors of Rock

Here are some pop musicians turned into ROLF! characters. Why? Why not?


Dance Move: When the character uses this Combat Maneuver successfully, all other characters in the area must make successful Brains ATT checks as their next action or catch dance fever and join in. Dancing characters cannot attack other characters and they continue to dance until attacked or until they roll a successful ATT Brains on 3d6 instead of the usual 2d6.
(Exception: The character who used this maneuver can stop dancing after one round if he or she chooses.)
  Characters with the Nimble Trait receive a -2 modifier to the attribute check for this Combat Maneuver. ATT Body.


Lady Gaga (Female)
Brawn: 20 (+1 Hat Bonus included), Body: 17, Brains: 7
Traits: Nimble, Same Sex Preference, Too Sexy for My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dance Move, Furious Fists, The Look, Strike Pose, Seduce, Yodel.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Bizarre, Sexy Outfits (Clothes), Thigh-high Boots (Armor OR Leggings, Absorbs 1 point of damage.), Weird Hat (+1 Brawn Bonus, different-looking hat each battle).

Lady Gaga and Friend

Meat Loaf (Male)
Brawn: 23, Body: 14, Brains: 6
Traits: Too Sexy for My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dodge, Double Strike, Seduce, Strike Pose, Yodel.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Thigh-high Boots (Armor OR Leggings. Absorbs 1 point of damage.), Microphone Stand (Deals 2 points of damage.)

Meat Loaf (the singer, not the food)

Rob Zombie (Male)
Brawn: 18, Body: 15, Brains: 5
Traits: Nimble
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disembowel, Furious Fists, Strike Pose, Yodel.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Satanic Sacrificial Dagger (Inflicts 2 points of damage,)

Rob Zombie, Hairy Dude.

Zombie Michael Jackson
Brawn is 20; Body is 16; Brains is 5
Traits: Dead, Mutant (Claws, Detachable Limbs, Teeth), Stinks
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dance, Disembowel, Seduce (+2 modifier to ATT check), Yodel.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Teeth (Natural Weapon; immune to Disarm. Melee. Ignores Armor. Deals 2 points of damage.), Sharp Claws (Natural Weapon; immune to Disarm. Melee. Does 3 points of damage.)

Zombie Michael Jackson

Best-selling titles in October

NUELOW Games had a very good month. I attribute this to the fact that the Occupy the Gaming Table Movement really DOES represent 99% of all Americans. And then there were the better-than-expected sales on the collection of humor stories from Robert E. Howard, "Fists of Foolishness", doing better than expected, and a number of you out there taking advantage of our "Play a New RPG Month" discount package to try out "ROLF!: The Roleplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters." Thank you for your support. I hope you felt that your money well spent!

Here are the top sellers.

Best-Selling NUELOW Games Titles for October 2011

1. ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters [Core Game Rules]

2. ROLF!: Creature Feature [Supplement]

3. Fists of Foolishness [Short Story Anthology featuring works by Robert E. Howard]

4. ROLF!: Supermodel Slapfest [Supplement]

5. ROLF!: Herbert West vs. the Zombies [Supplement]

6. ROLF!: The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po [Supplement]

7. ROLF!: The Associated Shades of Hades [Supplement]

8. ROLF!: Icing Oetzi [Supplement]

9. ROLF!: Hammerin' Tongs [Supplement]

10. ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace [Supplement]

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Just in time to brighten your Halloween...

We're proud to offer a new anthology featuring off-beat werewolf tales by from the legendary Robert E. Howard and a novelette by Clemence Housman that H.P. Lovecraft said features a "high degree of gruesome tension."

White Fell and Other Stories features four classic chillers selected and edited by Steve Miller, one-time contributor to the gothic horror setting of Ravenloft. Perfect for reading on your iPad--or even your iPhone, this collection can be yours for just $1.75.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

And now... 'ROLF!: Gaddafi's Angels'

Ripped from yesterday's headlines! More action and intrigue than the latest big budget espionage action thriller, and almost as much logic!

"Gaddafi's Angels" is the latest supplement for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters. It contains three thematically linked combat scenarios and five pre-generated characters--including Colonel Muammar Gaddafi and his mysterious cadre of lovely women warriors, Gaddafi's Angels (making this another ROLF! supplement that's fun and educational!), Sarah Palin (a woman of mystery of there ever was one), and the sinister Agents of HUMMUS.

Gaddafi may be disposed and murdered (and few mourn him very much), but the battle of Angel vs. HUMMUS goes on. Now with 100% more Sarah Palin!

Click here to get your copy of "ROLF!: Gaddafi's Angels" from for just 50 cents. This expansion works both with the current edition of ROLF! as well as the free Old Skool Edition.

All proceeds on sales of this product will go to fund my rise to supervillian status so can have my own cadre of hottie women bodyguards and secret agents on retainer. So get your copy today!

Gaddafi and his Angels! (See... we DON'T make this stuff up!)

Sunday, October 23, 2011

ROLF! House Rules

Here are some "missing rules" that "Alhoon" posted on the Fraternity of Shadows message board. Feel free to incorporate them into your ROLF! games, because, unlike what the Godfather of Gaming Gary Gygax wrote about AD&D in the immortal Dragon Magazine #64, you are still playing ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters even if you aren't playing it exactly as we wrote it.

Feel free to add your own rules! And if they're fun, send them our way!

Alhoon, ROLF! player and Ravenloft fan, on How to Play ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game.

ROLF! takes 15 mins to read from cover to cover. If you spend more time than that... then you are doing it wrong!

Just note that there are some rules missing, that are very, very important. Namely:

- When your opponent rolls and then his cellphone rings, his mom knocks the door etc, you fudge his dice rolls turning "1" to "6" etc while he's not looking.

- When you use "seduction" you should always kiss your hand making a loud, disturbing, wet "Mooooch" sound.

- If you successfully castrate an opponent, everyone in the room should point at the player of the unlucky char and laugh at him.

- If you have the "do lunch" maneuver, you should eat fallen opponents while fighting. [ED NOTE: And this is made easier if your character has the Mutant Trait and Fangs.]

- If you play with your significant other and her/his char castrates yours, while everyone is pointing at you and laughing, you should throw a fit, how your relationship is going bad and vow to abstain from sexual intercourse for a week.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Time for "ROLF!: Gaddafi's Angels"?

Hmmmm... Gaddafi's dead. His hot chick bodyguards are free agents. Maybe it's time to write "Gaddafi's Angels." While there are all sorts of tasteless jokes that can be generated from the fact that M.G. was smoked in a pipe, I think these girls probably have far more potential.

Here's an initial crack a stat block...

Gaddafi's Angels
Brawn: 27, Body: 18, Brains: 11
Traits: Nimble, Too Sexy for My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Bitch Slap, Castrate, Disembowel, Furious Fists, Seduce, Spelling (Draw Weapon*), Strike Pose, The Look, The Walk.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Easily doffed uniform with camo bikini underneath (clothes). Successful use of the Draw Weapon Spelling summons a Medium melee or ranged weapon into the Angel's hand. It deals 3 points of damage.)

Hello, angels!

*This spelling is basically the same as "Ninja Arsenal" but I don't have "Cap'n Jack on the Isle of Pirate's Doom" handy to look it up. I'll fix it later. :)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

ROLF!: Chuck Norris vs Abe Lincoln

We've never been ones to think that any joke is too old to not keep hammering, so we're including stats for Chuck Norris in "ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace." So, as a preview, here they are.

Chuck Norris (Male)
Brawn: 40; Body: 15; Brains: 8.
Traits: Coldhearted, Dour, Too Sexy for My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Bitch Slap, Debate Philosophy, Disarm, Furious Fists, Signature Move, Strike Pose, The Look.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: He's Chuck f'n Norris... what could he possibly need?!

And here's ROLF! stats for Abe Lincoln, in case you want to bring Nice Peter's Epic Rap Battles of History: Abe Lincoln vs. Chuck Norris to the gaming table!

Abe Lincoln (Male)
Brawn: 39; Body: 16 (+1 Hat bonus included); Brains: 8.
Traits: Nimble
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Disarm, Disembowel, Do Lunch, Furious Fists, Signature Move, Strike Pose.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Stove-pipe Top Hat (+1 Body ATT when worn). Axe Handle (Medium Melee Weapon. Deals 3 points of damage).

And please keep an eye out for "ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace," debuting Wednesday, October 19 in the NUELOW Games store at RPGNow! If you haven't checked out ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game for Big Dumb Fighters, the special Play a New Roleplaying Game discount package is still avaiable. Click here for more information!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Coming Soon: The Breast Hope for Peace!

Have you ever wondered what Chuck Norris might look like as a ROLF! character? How about Barack Obama? Or maybe Pope Benedict, the Pazer Papa?

Well, wonder no more, because they--and a whole lot of other folk--are featured in "ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace!"

This product has its genesis in the real-world milestone in world-cultural evolution of an the Arab-language magazine Lilac featuring a bikini-clad Christian Israeli of Arab ethnicity on its cover. (Read about it at Cinema Steve by clicking here.)

We here at NUELOW Games were more excited than Rebecca Black on a Friday morning (we SO excited!) when we heard about this development; if there was anything that could be taken as a harbinger than the Hope & Change and global harmony that it was believed Obama would usher in, than this had to be it! So, we celebrated in the only way we knew how and created a new RPG supplement.

On Wednesday, you'll be able to join our celebration, as "The Breast Hope for Peace" goes on sale at RPGNow and DriveThruRPG. And you'll be able to pit Mahmoud Ahmadinejad against invaders from Mars!

Or maybe you can watch us get sued....?

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I played a working prototype of ROLF! for the iPhone.
And it was good!

For the past few weeks, developer Rick Blair has been working on what I think is an exceptionally cool iPhone app. But then I'm biased.

It's ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game for the iPhone/iPad/i-whatever that runs apps! It's what an RPG for your iPhone would be if they had iPhones in 1984, with black-and-white Larry Elmore art and no storyline whatsoever to get in the way of the fight. Within a month or two, you'll be able to break out your little devices and play ROLF! anywhere and everywhere, even without dice.

Note to the players in my campaigns: You better have THIS app on your mobiles if you bring them out during games I am GMing!

Here are some screen samples... watch this space for updates.

Click here for other iPhone apps by Rick Blair (including some featuring cats and fortune telling mechanisms).

Monday, October 10, 2011

Can you relate to this?

Graphic stolen from this guy.

If you understand the sentiment expressed above more clearly than the those expressed by the Occupy [Insert Random Open Space Here] Movement, then maybe it's time for you to discover or REdiscover roleplaying games. Purchase and dowload a copy of ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters and get an offer for a free copy of "The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po." You'll enjoy that quiet time together, and you'll perhaps gain an understanding of what the hell it is your kid is on about. (Except the drumming. No sober person will ever understand the drumming.)

Click here to get your copy of ROLF! for just $1.50 (as well as the limited time free copy of "The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po".

(Because We Fell While Running With Scissors)

Saturday, October 8, 2011

The latest fiction and RPG release from us:
'Fists of Foolishness' -- comedy the Robert E. Howard way!

We're proud to announce our third Robert E. Howard-centric fiction anthology, as we continue to share our love for this great writer's non-Conan/Solomon Kane material.

"Fists of Foolishness: The Tales of Sea-faring Boxing Champ Steve Costigan" is the first of two volumes collecting all the stories featuring the character that were published during Howard's life-time. It's an anthology of ten stories that shows Howard writing in a style very different from the oft-reprinted tales of Conan and Solomon Kane, one where his prose is light-hearted and down-to-earth but no less intense when it comes to the action.

SPECIAL BONUS: This edition includes a complete roleplaying game, "The Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard". Using the ROLF! Rules System, and designed by veteran game designer Steve Miller and ROLF!-originator L.L. Hundal, this game is intended to capture the fun of a Steve Costigan brawl, but can easily be used to emulate the gore-spattered rampages of Conan.

Click here for more information, and to read a preview if you wish. It can be yours for just US$3.75!

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Power to the people, because our iPods need recharging!

Witness the birth of the Occupy Your Gaming Table as NUELOW Games becomes the first RPG publisher to bring the Occupy [Insert Random Location Here] Movement to the gaming table with the latest supplement for ROLF: The Rollplaying Game of Big, Dumb Fighters...

"ROLF!: The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po"

Click on the link for all the details, and for your opportunity to redistribute some wealth our way. (And if you haven't tried ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters yet, if you purchase a copy of it between now and October 15, you will have the opportunity to get "The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po" for free, because we're all about defeating greed!)

NUELOW Games: On the Cutting Edge.
(Because We Fell While We Were Running With Scissors.)

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Coming tomorrow from NUELOW Games....

Because we desperately want to be viewed as important, we here at NUELOW Games are jumping on the band-wagon of media and celebrity celebration of the brave activists in New York City and Seattle protesting... um... something. Tomorrow, Wednesday 10/5/2011, we will proudly to bring you "ROLF!: The Pimp, The Protester, and The Po Po."

Here are the illustrations that Karl M. has created for the supplement:


Monday, October 3, 2011

Celebrate Halloween with 'Creature Feature!'

The latest release for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game for Big Dumb Fighters is "Creature Feature: The ROLF! Halloween Horror Show," a supplement full of zombies, werewolves, vampires, mummies, and the people who hunt them.

Designed by Steve Miller (that would be me), one-time writer on the Ravenloft gothic horror RPG setting from TSR Inc. and later Arthaus, this excursion into fights-for-the-sake-of-fights with gothic horror flavoring contains six pre-generated characters, several new or revised Combat Maneuvers and Traits, and three Scenarios that can be played separately or together.

Click here to get your copy for just $0.75 from

And don't forget that if you haven't tried ROLF! yet, you can get the basic game and four of the supplements for 45% off if you purchase our special Try a New RPG Package. This offer is good through the end of October, in conjunction with Play a New RPG Month.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

September best-sellers for NUELOW Games

Here are the top sellers for NUELOW Games for the month of September. If you haven't checked any of these out, maybe you should. October is Play a New RPG Month, and we're offering a collection of ROLF! products for 45% off the already low normal price to help you do just that!

Best-selling NUELOW Games titles for September 2011

Click on the titles for a detailed description of each product, as well as a preview.

#1: Dyvil: First Edition (Jeff Grubb's 30-Minute Roleplaying Game) [core game]

#2: Steve Miller's 30-Minute Roleplaying Game (SM-30) [core game]

#3: ROLF!: Supermodel Slapfest [supplement]

#4: ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters [core game]

#5: ROLF!: Cap'n Jack on the Isle of Pirate's Doom [supplement]

#6: ROLF!: Herbert West vs. the Zombies [supplement]

#7: Names in the Black Book: Three Nightmarish Mysteries [fiction anthology]

#8: ROLF!: Icing Oetzi [supplment]

#9: ROLF!: Hammerin' Tongs [supplement]

#10: Modern Advances: Ghostmaster [d20 System supplement]