Who Killed the Psychic?

She told top movie stars and pop musicians which projects to pursue, she spoke to the spirits about the afterlife and the future... but she didn't foresee her own murder!

Zaynah, Clairvoyant to the Stars, has been killed, and it's up to the player characters to discover who did it and why in this randomly generated murder mystery!

WHERE WAS SHE FOUND?
1. In a woodland grove, deep within a National Park.
2. In the celebrity chef's personal vegetable garden.
3. In the bedroom of a rival psychic.
4. In her bedroom.
5. In the parlor where she conducted her psychic readings.
6. In the shower at the gym.
7. On the altar at the cathedral.
8. Outside the state attorney's home.
9. In the famous director's pool.
10. In the VIP lounge at a hot night club (and rumored organized crime front)
11. In the ally next to a police station.
12. On the beach.

HOW WAS SHE KILLED?
1. Strangled.
2. Beaten to death.
3. Stabbed.
4. Throat Slit.
5. Choked by Tarot cards shoved violently down her throat. (Roll 1d12 to see where the Tarot deck came from. 1-4. Her own Tarot cards. 5-8; Tarot cards belonging to a rival psychic; 9-12. An antique deck of Tarot cards that once belonged to a notorious devil worshiper.)
6. Skull bashed in with a crystal ball. (Roll 1d12 to see where the crystal ball came from. 1-4. Her own crystal ball; 5-8. A crystal ball belonging to a rival psychic; 9-12. A prop crystal ball from a horror movie.)
7. Drowned. (Roll 1d12 for the kind of water in her lungs. 1-4. Sea Water; 5-8. Chlorinated Pool Water; 9-12. Fresh Water.)
8 Shot 1d6 times.
9. Hanged.
10. Poisoned.
11. Impaled on an ancient spear with a tip made from a stag's antler and coated with juiced wolfsbane.
12. Roll two more times on this table, ignoring additional results of 12. She was killed by both methods. If the same result is rolled twice, the killer was particularly thorough and brutal.

WHO KILLED HER?
1. The up-and-coming 1-4 actor; 5-8 actress; 9-12. singer.
2. The has-been 1-4 actor; 5-8 actress; 9-12. singer.
3. The hot 1-3. actor; 4-6 actress; 7-8 singer; 9-12. director.
4. The television executive.
5. The celebrity chef.
6. The screen writer.
7. The priest.
8. Her lover. (Roll 1d12 to see status. 1-6. Current; 7-12. Former.)
9. The private detective.
10. The crimelord.
11. The rival psychic.
12. Roll two more times on this table, ignoring additional results of 12. The first result is the murderer. The second result is being framed as the murderer.

WHY WAS SHE KILLED?
1. Hatred
2. Jealousy
3. She spurned the murderer's romantic advances.
4. She was blackmailing the murderer. (Roll on WHAT WAS THE DARK SECRET to see what she knew.)
5. The murderer feared she had discovered his or her dark secret through her psychic powers.
6. She was the latest victim of a serial killer targeting psychics. (If the Rival Psychic isn't the murderer, he will be murdered in 1d3 days if the characters don't crack the case before then.)
7. The murderer was angry over a bad reading she gave.
8. The murderer wanted to make sure she never revealed her dark secret to anyone. (Roll on WHAT WAS THE DARK SECRET to see what it was.)
9. She was going to tell the murderer's spouse about the affair he or she was having. (Roll on the WHO KILLED HER table to determine who the murderer was having the affair with. Ignore rolls that duplicate the killer; if 12 is rolled, the killer was having multiple affairs.)
10. Revenge.
11. Greed.
12. For a ritual that required she be sacrificed to an evil god so that the murderer would gain her powers of Second Sight. (Roll 1d12. 1-4. The murderer is insane and there is no evil god; 5-8. The murderer gained her psychic powers and uses them in an attempt to avoid being caught by the party; 9-12. The evil god tricked the murderer, because the psychic was a fraud.

WHAT WAS THE DARK SECRET?
1. The big entertainment companies are infiltrated and mostly run by demon worshipers and actual demons, and they are using their products to spread corrupting magic around the world.
2. She was finishing a tell-all book about sexual harrassers and rapists in the entertainment business, and she was going to identify them all by name.
3. The psychic was selling information gleaned during her readings to tabloids and rival studios and recording companies.
4. She was preparing a ritual that would have opened the literal Gates of Hell and give Earth to Satan, but had a change of heart.
5. Her 1-4 Husband, 5-8 Male Lover, 9-12 Female Lover is a Russian agent devoted to disrupted US society through popular media, and his or her secret had to be protected. (The Russian agent may not even know that she was murdered to protect him or her.)
6. She was the heiress to a massive fortune, but was abducted as a young child. Her identity had been traced, and she was killed by those who have been benefitting from what should have been hers.
7. She not only told fortunes, but she also took money to cast curses that ruined careers and ended lives.
8. She was helping the government build cases against a variety of criminals who provided her clients with services.
9. She was once raped by the murderer, and she had decided to go public.
10. She was the literal daughter of Satan, but she refused to embrace her heritage and assume leadership of his servants.
11. She was the literal daughter of Satan and was about to help the Anti-Christ come to power.
12. She and the Rival Psychic were actually business partners who exchanged information on each other's clients and sold trade secrets and plot ideas and drafts of songs and artwork to competitors--but she only did it to those who were the rival's clients and visa-versa.

And now they're purging their own...

The RPG industry crusaders and protectors of all that is good and pure, and the promoters of inclusive inclusivity of the highest calibre are running out of miscreants to spotlight and throw into the pit. So now they appear to be going after their own.

Christopher Helton has authored this naked hit piece on Sean Patrick Fannon: New Allegations Show More Work Needs to be Done. Fannon has been a reliable and outspoken supporter of efforts to destroy the evil sexists and racists and bigots and anyone else who fails to demonstrate how much they hate fascists and oppressors by beaving like a fascist and oppressor. And yet, Helton has reached back several years to "expose" accusations leveled by mostly anonymous individuals... and accusations that, as far as I recall, predate Fannon's required public affermation of his status as a Crusader and Protector of All That is Good and Right and True.

I suppose the lesson here is that once you're a sinner, you're always a sinner. There's no redemption, no forgiveness, no hope of ever gaining grace... because no matter what, once your fellow believers run out of the wicked to pursue and crush, they will turn inward and start purging the ranks. And those who have confessed their sins provide a ready-made target list for lazy people like Helton to work off.
Or maybe Fannon became a target because didn't praise the right game product in the right way... or maybe he praised the wrong one? (For those who might not know, Sean Patrick Fannon is a game designer and reviewer who is perhaps best known these days for Sean's Pick of the Day.)

Whatever the motivation, Helton has unleashed the shrieking angels of vengeance upon Fannon with a by-the-book hitpiece. I have seen his post referred to as "journalism." As a one-time feature writer and features editor, I wouldn't have wanted my name on this sort of badly sourced rumor mongering, nor would I accepted this trash as an editor, even with the lower standards for what is good reporting and what isn't. Except the purpose here was almost certainly not to practice good journalism.

It's worth noting that Fannon has posted a response to Helton's character assassination--a response that even starts and ends with the Litany of the Protectors of All That is Good and Right and True. You can read that here. It's much better written, and much better supported with sources and quotes, and generally shows Fannon to be the superior writer (and journalist for that matter).

So... if you've made a confession because you wanted to prove your Righteousness in the eyes of the Inquistion, beware. They may come for you as they came for Fannon.

Who Killed the....?

Welcome to a very special edition of our ongoing series of Random Murder Mystery Outline Generators! This time, we're breaking a bit with the format, and the first step is to roll a random murder victim!

WHO WAS MURDERED? (Roll 1d6)
1-2. The Antifa Goon.
3-4. The Lion of Islam.
5-6. The White Supremecist.


WHERE WAS HE FOUND? (Roll 1d6)
1. In the park.
2-3. In his home.
4-5. In his parents' basement.
6. Outside the Masonic Temple.


HOW WAS HE KILLED? (Roll 1d6)
1. Choked on a ballgag.
2. Stabbed.
3. Poisoned.
4. Shot.
5. Improvised Explosive Device.
6. Impaled on a giant dildo.


WHY WAS HE KILLED? (Roll 1d6)
1. Hatred.
2. Disgust.
3. Revenge
4. It was an accident.
5-6. Does anyone really need a reason with an asshole like this?


WHO KILLED HIM?
1. His Lover. (Roll 1d6 for sex. 1-2. Female, 3-6. Male.)
2. His Child Bride.
3. No one. The dumb bastard killed himself by accident.
4. His Mother, who could no longer live with the shame of what she'd brought into this world.
5. Chuck Norris.
6. The Jews. Because it's ALWAYS the Jews.