ROLF! House Rules

Here are some "missing rules" that "Alhoon" posted on the Fraternity of Shadows message board. Feel free to incorporate them into your ROLF! games, because, unlike what the Godfather of Gaming Gary Gygax wrote about AD&D in the immortal Dragon Magazine #64, you are still playing ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters even if you aren't playing it exactly as we wrote it.

Feel free to add your own rules! And if they're fun, send them our way!

Alhoon, ROLF! player and Ravenloft fan, on How to Play ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game.

ROLF! takes 15 mins to read from cover to cover. If you spend more time than that... then you are doing it wrong!

Just note that there are some rules missing, that are very, very important. Namely:

- When your opponent rolls and then his cellphone rings, his mom knocks the door etc, you fudge his dice rolls turning "1" to "6" etc while he's not looking.

- When you use "seduction" you should always kiss your hand making a loud, disturbing, wet "Mooooch" sound.

- If you successfully castrate an opponent, everyone in the room should point at the player of the unlucky char and laugh at him.

- If you have the "do lunch" maneuver, you should eat fallen opponents while fighting. [ED NOTE: And this is made easier if your character has the Mutant Trait and Fangs.]

- If you play with your significant other and her/his char castrates yours, while everyone is pointing at you and laughing, you should throw a fit, how your relationship is going bad and vow to abstain from sexual intercourse for a week.

Time for "ROLF!: Gaddafi's Angels"?

Hmmmm... Gaddafi's dead. His hot chick bodyguards are free agents. Maybe it's time to write "Gaddafi's Angels." While there are all sorts of tasteless jokes that can be generated from the fact that M.G. was smoked in a pipe, I think these girls probably have far more potential.

Here's an initial crack a stat block...

Gaddafi's Angels
Brawn: 27, Body: 18, Brains: 11
Traits: Nimble, Too Sexy for My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Bitch Slap, Castrate, Disembowel, Furious Fists, Seduce, Spelling (Draw Weapon*), Strike Pose, The Look, The Walk.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Easily doffed uniform with camo bikini underneath (clothes). Successful use of the Draw Weapon Spelling summons a Medium melee or ranged weapon into the Angel's hand. It deals 3 points of damage.)

Hello, angels!

*This spelling is basically the same as "Ninja Arsenal" but I don't have "Cap'n Jack on the Isle of Pirate's Doom" handy to look it up. I'll fix it later. :)

ROLF!: Chuck Norris vs Abe Lincoln

We've never been ones to think that any joke is too old to not keep hammering, so we're including stats for Chuck Norris in "ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace." So, as a preview, here they are.

Chuck Norris (Male)
Brawn: 40; Body: 15; Brains: 8.
Traits: Coldhearted, Dour, Too Sexy for My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Bitch Slap, Debate Philosophy, Disarm, Furious Fists, Signature Move, Strike Pose, The Look.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: He's Chuck f'n Norris... what could he possibly need?!

And here's ROLF! stats for Abe Lincoln, in case you want to bring Nice Peter's Epic Rap Battles of History: Abe Lincoln vs. Chuck Norris to the gaming table!

Abe Lincoln (Male)
Brawn: 39; Body: 16 (+1 Hat bonus included); Brains: 8.
Traits: Nimble
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Disarm, Disembowel, Do Lunch, Furious Fists, Signature Move, Strike Pose.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Stove-pipe Top Hat (+1 Body ATT when worn). Axe Handle (Medium Melee Weapon. Deals 3 points of damage).

And please keep an eye out for "ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace," debuting Wednesday, October 19 in the NUELOW Games store at RPGNow! If you haven't checked out ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game for Big Dumb Fighters, the special Play a New Roleplaying Game discount package is still avaiable. Click here for more information!

Coming Soon: The Breast Hope for Peace!

Have you ever wondered what Chuck Norris might look like as a ROLF! character? How about Barack Obama? Or maybe Pope Benedict, the Pazer Papa?

Well, wonder no more, because they--and a whole lot of other folk--are featured in "ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace!"

This product has its genesis in the real-world milestone in world-cultural evolution of an the Arab-language magazine Lilac featuring a bikini-clad Christian Israeli of Arab ethnicity on its cover. (Read about it at Cinema Steve by clicking here.)

We here at NUELOW Games were more excited than Rebecca Black on a Friday morning (we SO excited!) when we heard about this development; if there was anything that could be taken as a harbinger than the Hope & Change and global harmony that it was believed Obama would usher in, than this had to be it! So, we celebrated in the only way we knew how and created a new RPG supplement.

On Wednesday, you'll be able to join our celebration, as "The Breast Hope for Peace" goes on sale at RPGNow and DriveThruRPG. And you'll be able to pit Mahmoud Ahmadinejad against invaders from Mars!

Or maybe you can watch us get sued....?

I played a working prototype of ROLF! for the iPhone. And it was good!

For the past few weeks, developer Rick Blair has been working on what I think is an exceptionally cool iPhone app. But then I'm biased.

It's ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game for the iPhone/iPad/i-whatever that runs apps! It's what an RPG for your iPhone would be if they had iPhones in 1984, with black-and-white Larry Elmore art and no storyline whatsoever to get in the way of the fight. Within a month or two, you'll be able to break out your little devices and play ROLF! anywhere and everywhere, even without dice.

Note to the players in my campaigns: You better have THIS app on your mobiles if you bring them out during games I am GMing!

Here are some screen samples... watch this space for updates.

 

Click here for other iPhone apps by Rick Blair (including some featuring cats and fortune telling mechanisms).

Can you relate to this?

Graphic stolen from this guy.

If you understand the sentiment expressed above more clearly than the those expressed by the Occupy [Insert Random Open Space Here] Movement, then maybe it's time for you to discover or REdiscover roleplaying games. Purchase and dowload a copy of ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters and get an offer for a free copy of "The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po." You'll enjoy that quiet time together, and you'll perhaps gain an understanding of what the hell it is your kid is on about. (Except the drumming. No sober person will ever understand the drumming.)

Click here to get your copy of ROLF! for just $1.50 (as well as the limited time free copy of "The Pimp, the Protester, and the Po-Po".

NUELOW Games: On the Cuttings Edge

(Because We Fell While Running With Scissors)

The latest fiction and RPG release from us: 'Fists of Foolishness' -- comedy the Robert E. Howard way!

We're proud to announce our third Robert E. Howard-centric fiction anthology, as we continue to share our love for this great writer's non-Conan/Solomon Kane material.

"Fists of Foolishness: The Tales of Sea-faring Boxing Champ Steve Costigan" is the first of two volumes collecting all the stories featuring the character that were published during Howard's life-time. It's an anthology of ten stories that shows Howard writing in a style very different from the oft-reprinted tales of Conan and Solomon Kane, one where his prose is light-hearted and down-to-earth but no less intense when it comes to the action.

SPECIAL BONUS: This edition includes a complete roleplaying game, "The Violent Worlds of Robert E. Howard". Using the ROLF! Rules System, and designed by veteran game designer Steve Miller and ROLF!-originator L.L. Hundal, this game is intended to capture the fun of a Steve Costigan brawl, but can easily be used to emulate the gore-spattered rampages of Conan.

Click here for more information, and to read a preview if you wish. It can be yours for just US$3.75!