Impromptu May Day Sale! All titles are 25% off!

Like the good folks of the Occupy [Insert Random Location Here] Movement, we here at NUELOW Games are desperately trying to convince the world that we matter in the big picture, and that we're more than just obnoxious, badly socialized slackers crying out for attention. Like the good folks of the Occupy [Insert Random Location Here] Movement, we also do everything on the spur-of-the-moment, with no planning, forethought, or any sort of sense of practicality or reality.

And, inspired by our bretherns and sisterns of the Occupy [Insert Random Location Here] Movement, we are holding an Impromptu May Day Sale! All NUELOW Games titles will be 25% off through Midnight, Pacific Time.

We hope you'll take a look at our offerings. Further, some of today's proceeds will go to buy a goofy knitted cap for Steve Miller, so he can blend in next time Occupy Seattle organizes drum circles in Downtown.

Click here to check out the Imprompty May Day Sale at RPGNOW.com!

Karl M.'s cover art for ROLF!: The Pimp, The Protester, and the Po-Po

Viktor & Rolf... preferred fashion designers of NUELOW Games

It seems like any fashion design team with a guy named ROLF as a member wold be a shoe-in as the preferred source of over-priced clothes for employees of NUELOW Games. But it was the fashion masterpiece that is the Top Belt Jumpsuit that made us honor them with that highly sought-after endorsement.

I would make that outfit the required uniform for both men and women here at NUELOW HQ, but L.L. Hundal owns a gun, Karl M. regularly carries a knife, and my lawyer, David Cox of Pleasant, Vice & Cox, tells me I'd actually have to start paying them in more than no-brand corn chips and diet sodas if I'm going to ask them to wear $1,400 armpit pants suits.

But I may have to put my head together with L.L. Hundal and do a sequel to Supermodel Slapfest and feature Viktor & Rolf in ROLF!

You can see more of Viktor & Rolf's creations atAmazon.com and Shopbob.com.

But here are a few more samples for your to enjoy immediately.

Fashion Masters Viktor & Rolf!

And for even more Viktor & Rolf, click here to visit Violeta Purple.

The latest from NUELOW Games....

Conan O'Brien. Jennifer Aniston. The Leprechaun.

All together for the first time, in a battle to the death, in the latest supplement for ROLF!: The Rollplaying of Big Dumb Fighters!

Click here to visit RPGNow.com for more information, or to purchase a copy for just $0.50.

Another Pre-Generated Character

If there's a celebrity we here at NUELOW Games love more than Chuck Norris, it's Conan O'Brien. We love him so much that when Steve Miller pointed out to L.L. Hundal that the 20th anniversary of the premiere of "Leprechaun" with Jennifer Aniston is coming up soon, she devised a product that includes him as a pre-generated character. You can look for "Jennifer vs. The Leprechaun" later this week, but for now....

Read more here: http://www.mcclatchydc.com/2012/04/15/145271/taliban-lead-attacks-on-us-bases.html#storylink=cpyui 

Without further ado... it's Cooooonan O'Briiiiiieeeen!

CONAN O’BRIEN (Male)
Brawn: 14; Body: 13; Brains: 6.
Traits: Irrepresible Optimist
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Disarm, Infectious Good Cheer, Murderous Mitts, Strike Pose.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Expensive Suit (Clothes), Coffee Mug (Small Melee Weapon, 1 point of damage OR one-shot Small Ranged Weapon, 1 point).



Conan O'Brien

Jesus vs. Zombies: A ROLF! Easter Celebration

Nothing goes better with Easter than Jesus and Zombies... well, except maybe Jesus and Easter Eggs. Or maybe Jesus and Ham Dinner. Or maybe...

At any rate, here's the ROLF! Easter Celebration. Feel free to copy and print out as you wish, should you want to play it.

Easter Battle: Jesus vs. Zombies
By Steve Miller (Artwork by Jeff Preston.)

There's no more room in the Hell, so on Easter Sunday, the dead are rise from their graves to walk the Earth and feast on the flesh of the living. Jesus, being annoyed because he had been telling Satan to open a new condo development ever since Osama bin Laden first uttered the phrase "al-Qaeda," descends to Earth to kick some zombie butt until Satan solves Hell's housing crisis.

The Savior Jesus Christ battles five zombies in this Battle Scenario. The battle continues until Jesus or the zombies are defeated.

Jesus Christ, Zombie Killer

JESUS CHRIST, SON OF GOD (Male)
Brawn 23 (includes +1 Hat Bonus); Body 18; Brains 8.
Traits: Holier Than Thou, Sense of Honor, Too Sexy For My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Blessed, Debate Philosophy, Disarm, Signature Move, Spelling (Be Healed!, Gain Combat Maneuver, Good Touch).
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Clothes, Sandals. Crown of Thorns (Hat. +1 to Brawn while worn).

STANDARD ZOMBIES (4)
Brawn is 12; Body is 8; Brains is 2
Traits: Dead, Mutant (Claws, Detachable Limbs, Teeth), Stinks
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disembowel.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Teeth (Natural Weapon; immune to Disarm. Melee. Ignores Armor. Deals 2 points of damage.), Sharp Claws (Natural Weapon; immune to Disarm. Melee. Does 3 points of damage.)

ZOMBIE MICHAEL JACKSON
Brawn is 20; Body is 16; Brains is 5
Traits: Dead, Mutant (Claws, Detachable Limbs, Teeth), Stinks
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dance Move, Disembowel, Seduce (+2 modifier to ATT check), Yodel.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Teeth (Natural Weapon; immune to Disarm. Melee. Ignores Armor. Deals 2 points of damage.), Sharp Claws (Natural Weapon; immune to Disarm. Melee. Does 3 points of damage.)

The characters featured in this Battle Scenario were originally presented in the ROLF! supplements Santa vs. Santos vs. Jesus and Herbert West vs. the Zombies, and on this blog. For more exciting Easter battle action featuring Jesus, check out Night of the Easter Bunny!

Black Vulmea ala ROLF!

Just a little something from a project in works: Robert E. Howard's Black Vulmea ala ROLF!. (Illo by David Sharrock.)

BLACK VULMEA, IRISH PIRATE (Male)
Brawn 30, Body 17, Brains 5.
Traits: Too Sexy for My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disarm, Disembowel, Dodge, Run Away
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Cutlass (Medium Melee Weapon. Deals 3 points of damage). Flintlock Pistol (Ranged Weapon. Single Shot. Deals 2 points of damage. Can be reloaded by devoting an entire round to this action.), Thigh-high Boots (Armor. Absorbs 1 point of damage.).




Black Vulmea, Notrious Pirate Captain

 

Coming this week from 'NUELOW Games': DEATH TO IMMODEST WOMEN!' (Our first card game!)

From the people who brought you satirical mini-RPGs like ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters, Steve Miller's 30-Minute Roleplaying Game, and Dyvil: First Edition (Jeff Grubb's 30-Minute Roleplaying Game) comes a brand-new, fast-paced card game for 2 to 6 players -- DEATH TO IMMODEST WOMEN!

With game design by the crack team of Steve Miller and L.L. Hundal, DEATH TO IMMODEST WOMEN! is based on the divinely inspired revelations of the modern-day Iranian prophet Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedigh. In April of 2010, Sedigh declared God, Allah, AND the Easter Bunny all hate the kust inspired by scantily clad women and that the divine beings express their anger by causing earthquakes. In the game, each player is a Holy Man who must the destroy Immodest Women played by other players before they destroy the Earth.

Here are some samples of the artwork from the game:

 

DEATH TO IMMODEST WOMEN will be available at quality hobby game stores this week for just $8.95. Each set contains 54 high-quality playing cards, a rule-booklet (containing rules for both the basic and advanced game), and a collection of the wise sayings of Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedigh. However, you can order your copy at a special 75% discount directly from NUELOW Games through this link.