Wednesday, December 19, 2012

ROLF!: Jesus vs. Muhammad

Jesus and Muhammad square off in the forthcoming ROLF!: Christmas Chaos product. But the battle detailed there wasn't the first time they exchanged blows. That story is told below, in a free combat scenario that's part of our year-long Final Battle series during which we've been counting down to the end of the world. This may be the last rollplaying scenario you'll ever play, so we hope you have fun with it!
    I alone take responsibility for its content. My partner in ROLFing, L.L. Hundal, wishes to disavow hersel from anything involving the names "Muhammad" and "Jesus." She just had her hair done, and she doesn't want it messed up by illiterate idolators and fanatics who might take offense.


Jesus vs. Muhammad: Waiting for the End of the World
The Final Battle (#11.5 of 12) for Two Gamers
Background
It's Thursday, December 20, 2012. The Bolthole, Guardian City's largest survialist store, has been doing booming business as the citizens stock up on guns, food, and camo-toiletpaper in preperation for the terrible and vague doomsday that's been predicted to occur on December 21, 2012. It's been so busy that the store's shelves are almost empty.
    Jesus and Muhammad, both deciding at the last minute that they need to take steps to protect their family in case doomsday actually happens, have come to the store to get supplies. They may both be procrastinators, but when they swing into action, it's with the intent of getting the best for their loved ones. And in this case, it means buying the very expensive Chuck Norris and Cindy Crawford endorsed Complete Delux Doomsday Survival and Fitness Package (featuring soothing ointments and bathsalts made from Chuck Norris sweat).
    Both men reach the sheft at the same time--only to discover that there's only one kit left. Neither of them will back down, because the well-being of their family is at stake. Both men are also to proud and too stingy to try blackmail the other. So, there's only one option left: Violence.

The Battle
This scenario is intended for two players. It starts at Ranged distance and it continues until either Jesus or Muhammad have been defeated.

Pre-Generated Characters
Here are the family men of the hour.
 Jesus Mendez (Male)
Brawn 11, Body 14, Brains 5
Traits: Improv Master, Short-tempered
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disarm, Dodge, Double Strike, The Look
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Pistol (Small Ranged Weapon, deals 2 points of damage. 3 shots).
Muhammad Washington (Male)
Brawn 12, Body 12, Brains 5
Traits: Dour, Improv Master
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disarm, Disembowel, Dodge, Withering Insult
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Switchblade (Small Melee Weapon, deals 2 points of damage).

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Have yourself a chilling little Christmas...

Now through December 25th, NUELOW Games's e-book anthology of classic holiday horror stories is on sale for just $1.00, Click here for more information or to download your own copy.

And if you're a lover of werewolves, our collection of offbeat monstrous shape-shifters is also on sale for just  $1. It's not Christmas-y, but one of the stories does take place in Santa's backyard, so you might was well get while you're buying scary Christmas stories anyway! Click here for details, or to get your own copy.


Wednesday, December 12, 2012

12-12-12: Time for 'The Date of Doom'

Check out the Final Battle (#11 of 12) for ROLF! -- "The Date of Doom." It features the return of Millie the Guardian Angel of Supermodels and Myron the Patron Demon of Excess. They're on their first date... and it's interrupted by the hateful actions of Dr. Demon.



Click here to see previews of this great love story... or to get your own copy for just $0.60.

Will Millie and Myron replace Bella and Edward as the world's favorite odd couple? I'm hoping, because my cats need food! (Please... buy a copy! :) )

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Make Christmas Merry! Write for ROLF!

You! Yes, you!



Do you want to be a published game designer whose name is recognized by dozens? If so, do we have an opportunity for you!

We are looking for Combat Scenarios for ROLF!: Christmas Chaos (or possibly for the blog). You can just provide a scenario using any characters who have appeared in previous ROLF! supplements, or you can create a set of pre-generated characters to go with it, as well as new Combat Maneuvers and Traits. The only requirement is that the Battle Scenario be somehow Christmas-y.

Contributors who are selected for publication will receive a a design credit, a free copy of ROLF!: Christmas Chaos, and an additional free NUELOW Games product of their choice. (All products are PDF only.)

Send your submissions to stevemillermail [at] gmail.com in the body of an email. Mention "ROLF! Christmas" in the header. All original parts of your submission remain your property, but you grant NUELOW Games the right to include your work in ROLF!: Christmas Chaos should it be selected for publication.

The deadline for submissions is December 12, so get started down the path to obscurity as a NUELOW Games designer and start writing today!

Click here to see what sort of brilliant items L.L Hundal & Steve Miller have previously come up with; We're sure you'll find that you will be able to do much, much better. And if you want a free copy of the rules to work from, you can download that here.


Friday, November 30, 2012

What should we call the next ROLF! release?


I am currently putting the final touches on the first ROLF! Cyberpunk supplement....

 It's set in the year 2042, a Dark Future in which only the rich and powerful get to wear pants. However, a brave group of cyberpunky freedom fighters are hoping to change all that--the Trouser Snakes are launching a win-or-die assault on the Wearhouse to liberate a billion or more pairs of long pants and return them to the people!

But we're struggling a bit for a title. If you see this post in the next couple of hours (and as I type this, it's roughly 16:00 Pacific Time (4pm, if you will, on the west coast of the United States), you can tell me which title you like best:

 1. Rise of the Trouser Snakes (the title L.L. Hundal and I are currently going with).

 2. Attack of the Trouser Snakes

3. Day of the Trouser Snakes

Voice your opinion by leaving a comment!

By way of a preview, here are some of the character illos that will be in the product:

Rucker
Effinger

Gibson




Sunday, November 25, 2012

The Complete Adventures of
Pepsiman & Lemon-Pepsiwoman!


Over at Cracked.com, they posted an article spotlighting superheroes created to promote products and companies. While most of them are pretty lame, how can one not love Pepsiman and Lemon-Pepsiwoman? In fact, I think they'd be perfect for ROLF! games. Pepsi should pay us to make a series of Pepsiman ROLF! products.

Think I'm wrong? Check out this compilation of all the Pepsiman commercials. That's a whole lot of ROLF! inspiration that is!



Since the likelihood of Pepsi paying us to do Pepsiman products is pretty close to Zero, here are ROLF! stats for Pepsiman and Lemon-Pepsiwoman for your enjoyment anyway. (Which means they may sue us instead....)

New Combat Maneuver
Dispense Pepsi/Dispense Lemon Diet Pepsi: When using this maneuver successfully, the character makes cans or bottles of Pepsi appear in the hands of all characters involved in a fight. All other characters must stop whatever they're doing to drink the tasty Pepsi product in their hands, losing any remaining actions the round the maneuver was used, as well as any during the full ABBA cycle the following round. Characters drinking Pepsi feel refreshed and regain 5 lost Brawn points (up to their starting maximum). In order to have this Combat Maneuver, a character must have the Robot Trait, and he must have the word "Pepsi" in his name. ATT Body.


Pepsiman (Male?)
Brawn 30, Body 18, Brains 5
Traits: Hard to Kill, Robot
Combat Maneuvers: Dispense Pepsi, Furious Fists, Run Away!, Seduce, Strike Pose.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Super-Armor (Armor. Absorbs up to 5 points of damage, even from sources that usually ignore armor).


Lemon-Pepsiwoman (Female?)
Brawn 30, Body 20 (includes +1 Hat Bonus), Brains 4
Traits: Busty, Hard to Kill, Robot
Combat Maneuvers: Bitch Slap, Dispense Lemon Diet Pepsi, Run Away!, Seduce, Strike Pose
Important Stuff Worn/WieldedImportant Stuff Worn/Wielded: Super-Armor (Armor. Absorbs up to 5 points of damage, even from sources that usually ignore armor). Yellow Ski Mask (Hat. +1 to Body ATT when worn).

(For more ROLF! superhero goodness, check out "Bullets to the Head" and "Bat Meets Cat.")

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

We've just released our second annual ROLF! Thanksgiving special... and we're thankful for that, because this one was fraught with all sorts of technical difficulties! You can check it out by clicking here.

ROLF!: Turkey Shoot was partly inspired by the Sally the Sleuth comics, and it features game stats for Sally, her sidekick Peanuts, her boss Chief Brady, and all the maneuvers and traits you've come to expect.

It also features game stats for the notorious filmmaker Uwe Boll, as Sally and her fellow crime-fighters are called upon to save him from the marauding film fan Turkey Avenger. And--as an extra special Thanksgiving treat--the product also contains a small selection of the original Sally the Sleuth comics from pulp fiction magazine Spicy Detective Stories.


ROLF!: Turkey Shoot is available at RPGNow. Click here for previews, or to buy a copy now.

Our Thaksgiving release for 2011 is still available if you missed it... click here to experience Edward D. Wood Jr. saving the Pilgrims in ROLF!: Day of the Turkey.

And now, as we go off to celebrate Thanksgiving with friends and loved ones, let us just express our thanks for all of you out there who share our love of gaming, pulp fiction, and trashy pop culture. We love you all, especially those of you who also happen to enjoy the stuff we put out through NUELOW Games. You we are especially thankful for.