On the cutting edge for 20 years!

It has come to our attention that a certain d20 OGL-based RPG is being prasied as the ultimate roleplaying game because it features overtly gay NPCs and is therefore the most "inclusive" RPG in the history of universe.

While we congratulate the designers and developers and marketeers behind the "ultimate roleplaying game" for the buzz they're generating we feel here at NUELOW Games are scratching our heads in bemusement that gay themes suddenly seem to be something gamers are celebrating. We've been including gay characters and game mechanics in our games for 20 years--since the very earliest days of the NUELOW game series--and no one has ever celebrated us as "celebrating diversity."

Similarly, our current flagship line, ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game, seems to be more of an ultimate ultimate RPG, as from its earliest edition not only featured a "gay iconic character," but even allowed for the creation of overtly gay player characters. (Check out that hoary classic for free by downloading it here.) To this day, we regularly feature gay characters in ROLF! supplements--and they're not just there so we can proclaim how "diverse" we are to the world.. Hell, in ROLF!: Black Kitten vs, June Collyer we were even quietly turning Golden Age Superheroes gay well before DC Comics decided to make a marketing stunt.

But maybe that's where we went wrong. We should have been jumping up and down and shouting "Hey! Hey! Look at us! We've got gay characters!"... and maybe NUELOW "Fairies!" would have been the ORIGINAL ulitmate RPG! In fact, we are so casual about including gay characters in our products that we can't even remember which ones has them and which ones don't, with the exception of one mentioned above and ROLF!: The Breast Hope for Peace.

Yes... we're jealous. We are, first and foremost, attention whores here at NUELOW Games--inept attention whores obviously, but attention whores nonetheless. We need to jump on this "ultimate inclusive RPG" band-wagon before it becomes worn and tattered, and L.L. Hundal has come up with the perfect way for us to do it.

For your enjoyment (and our ability to say "hey... we're inclusive, and we've been inclusive since Nineteen-bloody-Ninety-Two! and we're still inclusive and full of diversity and ultimateness") here are some OGL d20 feats that will let gamers turn ANY OGL d20 game into an ULTIMATE RPG that's even more inclusive and ultimate than the ultimate RPG that triggered this post (and our envy and desperate need for attention)!!

Take it away, Ms. Hundal!

(Everything in this post below here, apart from the image, is Open Game Content, as defined by the Open Game License v1.0a. If you should wish to make your OGL d20 game products into ULTIMATE OGL game products, please include "Everyone's Gay! by L.L Hundal. Copyright 2013 Steve Miller and NUELOW Games" in the copyright section.)

MODERN BASICS: FEATS OF DIVERSITY AND ULTIMATENESS

Feats to make any OGL d20 system into the Ultimate RPG

By L.L Hundal

Gay [General]
Your character has a sexual preference toward his or her own gender/sex.
  Benefit: You receive a +2 bonus to all Craft and Perform skill checks.
  Special: You receive a +2 bonus to Will saves when resisting charm person and all other mind-effecting spells and extraordinary powers and abilities from a character or monster of the opposite sex. If no saving throw is normally allowed, you may roll a Will save with a -4 penalty.

Gaydar [Social]
Your character can recognize other gay characters across a crowded room... across time and space even!
  Prereq: Gay feat.
  Benefit: Upon making a successful Spot skill check (DC12) the character can identify other characters who have the Gay feat within a 60-foot radius. If detected characters are out of line-of-sight, your character has a vague sense that there is another gay character nearby. If a target is hiding their gayness, the DC is the "closeted" characters's Disguise skill check.
  Special: Characters with 5 or more ranks in Knowledge (literature) Knowledge (history) or Knowledge (conspiracy theories) may roll Spot checks to recognize gay persons in history or fiction.

Ghey [Social]
Your character is a bit of fool who is likely to write articles titled Feats of Diversity and Ultimateness.
  Prereq: Wis 10 or lower, Cha 10 or lower.
  Benefit: You receive a +2 competency bonus to all Bluff checks.
  Special: Characters with the Ghey feat are inherently cowardly. They receive a -2 penalty to Will saves to resist intimidation and peer pressure..

(If you enjoyed those feats, please check out NUELOW Games's other OGL d20 Sysetm products. Click here to check them out. Heck, you might find that Feats of Seduction and Subterfuge will fit right in with your game if Gay and Gaydar work for you.)

Remember the time the world didn't end?

For all of 2012, we here at NUELOW Games hedged our bets that it was not pure idiocy to claim that the end of the ancient Mayan calendar predicted the end of the world/time/universe/whatever. Each month, we released what might have been final game product ever.

As it turned out, it was pure idiocy to believe the end of the Mayan calendar was the end of the world. The end of the Mayan calendar no more predicted the end of the world than the end of the 2012 Maxfield Parrish calendar in Steve Miller's office predicted the end of the world by coming to an end.

The end result is that history carries on... and we're offering you a chance to remember the year the world didn't end by getting all 12 Final Battles in one easy download and at a reduced price. From The Grim Reaper vs. the Fertility Goddess to Apocalypse Not, these supplements cover with width and breadth of what you and your friends can do with ROLF!: The Rollplaying of Big Dumb Fighters. New Combat Maneuvers and Traits, new Spellings, and rules for taking ROLF! in entirely new directions, such as into the superhero genre and giving gamers an opportunity to create and play angels, demons, and gods.

Click here to read details about each of the 12 Final Battles, or to download them all for just $4.

(Re)Introducting 'Hawkshaw the Detective'

Every great artist, writer, or circus clown starts their career somewhere. In the case of Robert E. Howard, creator of the iconic fantasy character Conan and other great adventure fiction characters like Steve Costigan, Breckinridge Elkins, and El Borak (all of which are featured in e-books published by NUELOW Games), the start came with fan fiction.

In 1923, the young Robert E. Howard published two fan fictions inspired by Gus Mager's Hawkshaw the Detective comic strip in his high school newspaper. Mager, working under the penname Watso, had initiated the character as a Sherlock Holmes spoof named Sherlocko. The name-change to Hawkshaw came when Sir Arthur Conan Doyle threatened to sue Mager and his syndicate for copyright infringement. ("Hawkshaw" was a once-widespread American slang-term for "private detective" that fell out of vogue during the 1930s.)

"Hawkshaw the Detective" was published on and off from 1913 through 1947 when it met its final demise and faded into comic strip history. Modern readers will relate to Howard's Hawkshaw stories as spoofs of Sherlock Holmes rather than the fan fiction inspired by a Sherlock Holmes spoof that they are.

In another display of our deep love for writings of Robert E. Howard--Steve Miller for everything but a number of his Conan stories, L.L. Hundal for his humor stories--NUELOW Games offers one of those early fan stories, along with ROLF! game stats for the Great Hawkshaw and his sidekick Colonel Watso.

ROLF!: HAWKSHAW THE DETECTIVE

By L.L. Hundal

Hawkshaw the Detective (Male)

Brawn 14, Body 13, Brains 6

Traits: Nimble

Combat Maneuvers:  Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Disarm, Dodge, Run Away, Walk and Chew Gum

Important Items Worn/Wielded: Tweed Coat and Matching Deerstalker Hat (Clothes), Magnifying Glass (grants -1 modifier to Brain checks while searching for clews). Revolver (Small Ranged Weapon. Four Shots. Deals 3 points of damage that ignore armor).

Colonel Watso (Male)

Brawn 12, Body 10, Brains 4

Traits:  Honorable

Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disarm, Dodge, Strike Pose

Important Items Worn/Wielded: Howitzer (Large Ranged Weapon. One Shot. Deals 5 points of damage that ignore armor).

* - *

THE MYSTERY OF THE QUEEN'S NECKLACE

By Robert Ervin Howard

First published in The Tattler, the Brownwood High School paper, March 1, 1923.

Inspired by Gus Mager's Hawkshaw the Detective.

Hawkshaw, the great detective, was smoking a stogy reflectively when the Colonel burst into the room.

"Have you heard—" he began excitedly, but Hawkshaw raised his hand depreciatingly.

  "My dear Colonel," he said. "You excite yourself unduly: you were about to tell me that the Queen's necklace, valued at fifteen million shillings, was stolen from her boudoir and that so far Scotland Yard has found no trace of the thief although they have ransacked London."

  "You are a wonder, Hawkshaw," exclaimed the Colonel admirlingly. "How did you know that?"

  "Deduction, my dear Colonel," replied Hawkshaw, surreptitiously concealing the newspaper in which was a full account of the robbery.

  "Have you been to the palace?" he asked.

  "I have," was the reply. "And I brought the only clew to be found. This cigar stub was found just beneath the palace window.

  Hawkshaw seized the stub and examined it carefully. He stated, "The man who stole the necklace was a very tall, lank, gangling person, with very large feet and cross-eyed. He wears a number 5 hat."

  "Wonderful!" exclaimed the Colonel, "and how may I ask do you deduce that? How do you even know that a person who smoked that cigar stole the necklace?"

  "The stub is flattened on one side. That proves that its smoker had a large foot. He stepped on it and it would take a great deal of weight to even dent a cigar like that. I know that its smoker is the thief because it is a long stub and anyone who could stand one whiff of that cigar would smoke it entirely up. He would be that kind of man. He evidently dropped it in his haste to make his getaway."

  "But that hat? And his tallness and cross-eyes?"

  "Any man that would smoke a cigar like that would wear about a number 5 hat. As for the tallness and cross-eyes I will explain later."

  Just then there came a tap at the door. The Colonel opened it and an old man entered. He wore large green glasses, was a great deal stooped and had white hair and a long white beard.

  "You are the famous detective?" he addressed Hawkshaw. "I believe I have a clew to this theft. I passed along the opposite side of the street about the time the robbery was supposed to have taken place. A man jumped out of the palace window and walked rapidly up the street."

  "Umhum," remarked Hawkshaw, "what kind of man was this?"

  "He was about five feet tall and weighed perhaps three hundred lbs.," was the reply.

  "Umhum," commented Hawkshaw, "would you mind listening to my theory?"

  "I would be delighted," answered the old man as he seated himself in the best chair.

  "Well, then!" began Hawkshaw, rising and walking to the middle of the room so that he could gesture without knocking the table over. "At the time of robbery was committed a man was returning home from a fishing trip on the Thames. He carried a fishing pole on his shoulder and as he walked along he looked into the windows of houses he had passed while seemingly gazing straight ahead for he was very cross-eyed."

  Here the visitor started, but Hawkshaw went on, apparently oblivous. "The gentleman at last arrived in Windsor and passing the palace saw the necklace lying on the mahogany table. The window was open and though it was high off the ground he saw a way to get it. He was (and is) a very tall man and he had a long rod and line. Standing on tiptoes he made a cast through the window as if casting for trout. He hooked the necklace at the first throw and fled, dropping his cigar in his flight. He also stepped on the cigar. He eluded the police easily and thought to elude me by coming to me in disguise and seeking to divert suspicion in another direction."

  And with that Hawkshaw leaped upon the old man and gripped him by the beard and gave a terrific jerk. The old man gave a yell as he was jerked erect and yanked across the floor. Hawkshaw turned pale. He had made a mistake in identity? He placed a foot against the old gentleman's face and grasping the beard firmly in both hands gave another jerk. Something gave way and Hawkshaw and his victim sprawled on the floor, Hawkshaw holding in his hands the false beard and wig. While the impostor was trying to rise, encumbered by his long coat the detective sprang nimbly up and with great dexterity kicked the huge green glasses from his face.

  The "old man" was revealed as a tall, gangling man with huge feet and cross-eyes!

  “You're under arrest,” Hawkshaw said, advancing toward him with a pair of handcuffs.

  The man sprang to his feet and drew a glittering butter knife from his pocket. "I am a desperate man! Beware!"

  At that moment the Colonel recovered from his amazement enough to push the muzzle of a howitzer against the villain and he was soon handcuffed.

  "Call the police, Colonel," directed Hawkshaw, taking the necklace out of the fellow's pocket.

  "Curses!" hissed the villain, "tricked, foiled, baffled! Curses!"

"But, Hawkshaw," asked the Colonel a few hours later, after they had collected the enormous reward that had been offered for the recovery of the necklace. "But Hawkshaw, how did you know that was the man?"

"My dear Colonel," answered Hawkshaw as with a smile he lighted a stogy, "I smelt the fish on his hands."

The End

ROLF!: Jesus vs. Muhammad

Jesus and Muhammad square off in the forthcoming ROLF!: Christmas Chaos product. But the battle detailed there wasn't the first time they exchanged blows. That story is told below, in a free combat scenario that's part of our year-long Final Battle series during which we've been counting down to the end of the world. This may be the last rollplaying scenario you'll ever play, so we hope you have fun with it!

    I alone take responsibility for its content. My partner in ROLFing, L.L. Hundal, wishes to disavow hersel from anything involving the names "Muhammad" and "Jesus." She just had her hair done, and she doesn't want it messed up by illiterate idolators and fanatics who might take offense.

Jesus vs. Muhammad: Waiting for the End of the World

The Final Battle (#11.5 of 12) for Two Gamers

Background

It's Thursday, December 20, 2012. The Bolthole, Guardian City's largest survialist store, has been doing booming business as the citizens stock up on guns, food, and camo-toiletpaper in preperation for the terrible and vague doomsday that's been predicted to occur on December 21, 2012. It's been so busy that the store's shelves are almost empty.
    Jesus and Muhammad, both deciding at the last minute that they need to take steps to protect their family in case doomsday actually happens, have come to the store to get supplies. They may both be procrastinators, but when they swing into action, it's with the intent of getting the best for their loved ones. And in this case, it means buying the very expensive Chuck Norris and Cindy Crawford endorsed Complete Delux Doomsday Survival and Fitness Package (featuring soothing ointments and bathsalts made from Chuck Norris sweat).
    Both men reach the sheft at the same time--only to discover that there's only one kit left. Neither of them will back down, because the well-being of their family is at stake. Both men are also to proud and too stingy to try blackmail the other. So, there's only one option left: Violence.

The Battle
This scenario is intended for two players. It starts at Ranged distance and it continues until either Jesus or Muhammad have been defeated.

Pre-Generated Characters
Here are the family men of the hour.

 Jesus Mendez (Male)

Brawn 11, Body 14, Brains 5

Traits: Improv Master, Short-tempered

Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disarm, Dodge, Double Strike, The Look

Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Pistol (Small Ranged Weapon, deals 2 points of damage. 3 shots).

Muhammad Washington (Male)

Brawn 12, Body 12, Brains 5

Traits: Dour, Improv Master

Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disarm, Disembowel, Dodge, Withering Insult

Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Switchblade (Small Melee Weapon, deals 2 points of damage).

Have yourself a chilling little Christmas...

Now through December 25th, NUELOW Games's e-book anthology of classic holiday horror stories is on sale for just $1.00, Click here for more information or to download your own copy.

And if you're a lover of werewolves, our collection of offbeat monstrous shape-shifters is also on sale for just  $1. It's not Christmas-y, but one of the stories does take place in Santa's backyard, so you might was well get while you're buying scary Christmas stories anyway! Click here for details, or to get your own copy.

12-12-12: Time for 'The Date of Doom'

Check out the Final Battle (#11 of 12) for ROLF! -- "The Date of Doom." It features the return of Millie the Guardian Angel of Supermodels and Myron the Patron Demon of Excess. They're on their first date... and it's interrupted by the hateful actions of Dr. Demon.

Click here to see previews of this great love story... or to get your own copy for just $0.60.

Will Millie and Myron replace Bella and Edward as the world's favorite odd couple? I'm hoping, because my cats need food! (Please... buy a copy! :) )

Make Christmas Merry! Write for ROLF!

You! Yes, you!

Do you want to be a published game designer whose name is recognized by dozens? If so, do we have an opportunity for you!

We are looking for Combat Scenarios for ROLF!: Christmas Chaos (or possibly for the blog). You can just provide a scenario using any characters who have appeared in previous ROLF! supplements, or you can create a set of pre-generated characters to go with it, as well as new Combat Maneuvers and Traits. The only requirement is that the Battle Scenario be somehow Christmas-y.

Contributors who are selected for publication will receive a a design credit, a free copy of ROLF!: Christmas Chaos, and an additional free NUELOW Games product of their choice. (All products are PDF only.)

Send your submissions to stevemillermail [at] gmail.com in the body of an email. Mention "ROLF! Christmas" in the header. All original parts of your submission remain your property, but you grant NUELOW Games the right to include your work in ROLF!: Christmas Chaos should it be selected for publication.

The deadline for submissions is December 12, so get started down the path to obscurity as a NUELOW Games designer and start writing today!

Click here to see what sort of brilliant items L.L Hundal & Steve Miller have previously come up with; We're sure you'll find that you will be able to do much, much better. And if you want a free copy of the rules to work from, you can download that here.