Wednesday, January 16, 2013

(Re)Introducting 'Hawkshaw the Detective'


Every great artist, writer, or circus clown starts their career somewhere. In the case of Robert E. Howard, creator of the iconic fantasy character Conan and other great adventure fiction characters like Steve Costigan, Breckinridge Elkins, and El Borak (all of which are featured in e-books published by NUELOW Games), the start came with fan fiction.

In 1923, the young Robert E. Howard published two fan fictions inspired by Gus Mager's Hawkshaw the Detective comic strip in his high school newspaper. Mager, working under the penname Watso, had initiated the character as a Sherlock Holmes spoof named Sherlocko. The name-change to Hawkshaw came when Sir Arthur Conan Doyle threatened to sue Mager and his syndicate for copyright infringement. ("Hawkshaw" was a once-widespread American slang-term for "private detective" that fell out of vogue during the 1930s.)

"Hawkshaw the Detective" was published on and off from 1913 through 1947 when it met its final demise and faded into comic strip history. Modern readers will relate to Howard's Hawkshaw stories as spoofs of Sherlock Holmes rather than the fan fiction inspired by a Sherlock Holmes spoof that they are.
In another display of our deep love for writings of Robert E. Howard--Steve Miller for everything but a number of his Conan stories, L.L. Hundal for his humor stories--NUELOW Games offers one of those early fan stories, along with ROLF! game stats for the Great Hawkshaw and his sidekick Colonel Watso.


ROLF!: HAWKSHAW THE DETECTIVE
By L.L. Hundal

Hawkshaw the Detective (Male)
Brawn 14, Body 13, Brains 6
Traits: Nimble
Combat Maneuvers:  Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Disarm, Dodge, Run Away, Walk and Chew Gum
Important Items Worn/Wielded: Tweed Coat and Matching Deerstalker Hat (Clothes), Magnifying Glass (grants -1 modifier to Brain checks while searching for clews). Revolver (Small Ranged Weapon. Four Shots. Deals 3 points of damage that ignore armor).

Colonel Watso (Male)
Brawn 12, Body 10, Brains 4
Traits:  Honorable
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disarm, Dodge, Strike Pose
Important Items Worn/Wielded: Howitzer (Large Ranged Weapon. One Shot. Deals 5 points of damage that ignore armor).




* - *

THE MYSTERY OF THE QUEEN'S NECKLACE
By Robert Ervin Howard

First published in The Tattler, the Brownwood High School paper, March 1, 1923.
Inspired by Gus Mager's Hawkshaw the Detective.

Hawkshaw, the great detective, was smoking a stogy reflectively when the Colonel burst into the room.
"Have you heard—" he began excitedly, but Hawkshaw raised his hand depreciatingly.
  "My dear Colonel," he said. "You excite yourself unduly: you were about to tell me that the Queen's necklace, valued at fifteen million shillings, was stolen from her boudoir and that so far Scotland Yard has found no trace of the thief although they have ransacked London."
  "You are a wonder, Hawkshaw," exclaimed the Colonel admirlingly. "How did you know that?"
  "Deduction, my dear Colonel," replied Hawkshaw, surreptitiously concealing the newspaper in which was a full account of the robbery.
  "Have you been to the palace?" he asked.
  "I have," was the reply. "And I brought the only clew to be found. This cigar stub was found just beneath the palace window.
  Hawkshaw seized the stub and examined it carefully. He stated, "The man who stole the necklace was a very tall, lank, gangling person, with very large feet and cross-eyed. He wears a number 5 hat."
  "Wonderful!" exclaimed the Colonel, "and how may I ask do you deduce that? How do you even know that a person who smoked that cigar stole the necklace?"
  "The stub is flattened on one side. That proves that its smoker had a large foot. He stepped on it and it would take a great deal of weight to even dent a cigar like that. I know that its smoker is the thief because it is a long stub and anyone who could stand one whiff of that cigar would smoke it entirely up. He would be that kind of man. He evidently dropped it in his haste to make his getaway."
  "But that hat? And his tallness and cross-eyes?"
  "Any man that would smoke a cigar like that would wear about a number 5 hat. As for the tallness and cross-eyes I will explain later."
  Just then there came a tap at the door. The Colonel opened it and an old man entered. He wore large green glasses, was a great deal stooped and had white hair and a long white beard.
  "You are the famous detective?" he addressed Hawkshaw. "I believe I have a clew to this theft. I passed along the opposite side of the street about the time the robbery was supposed to have taken place. A man jumped out of the palace window and walked rapidly up the street."
  "Umhum," remarked Hawkshaw, "what kind of man was this?"
  "He was about five feet tall and weighed perhaps three hundred lbs.," was the reply.
  "Umhum," commented Hawkshaw, "would you mind listening to my theory?"
  "I would be delighted," answered the old man as he seated himself in the best chair.
  "Well, then!" began Hawkshaw, rising and walking to the middle of the room so that he could gesture without knocking the table over. "At the time of robbery was committed a man was returning home from a fishing trip on the Thames. He carried a fishing pole on his shoulder and as he walked along he looked into the windows of houses he had passed while seemingly gazing straight ahead for he was very cross-eyed."
  Here the visitor started, but Hawkshaw went on, apparently oblivous. "The gentleman at last arrived in Windsor and passing the palace saw the necklace lying on the mahogany table. The window was open and though it was high off the ground he saw a way to get it. He was (and is) a very tall man and he had a long rod and line. Standing on tiptoes he made a cast through the window as if casting for trout. He hooked the necklace at the first throw and fled, dropping his cigar in his flight. He also stepped on the cigar. He eluded the police easily and thought to elude me by coming to me in disguise and seeking to divert suspicion in another direction."
  And with that Hawkshaw leaped upon the old man and gripped him by the beard and gave a terrific jerk. The old man gave a yell as he was jerked erect and yanked across the floor. Hawkshaw turned pale. He had made a mistake in identity? He placed a foot against the old gentleman's face and grasping the beard firmly in both hands gave another jerk. Something gave way and Hawkshaw and his victim sprawled on the floor, Hawkshaw holding in his hands the false beard and wig. While the impostor was trying to rise, encumbered by his long coat the detective sprang nimbly up and with great dexterity kicked the huge green glasses from his face.
  The "old man" was revealed as a tall, gangling man with huge feet and cross-eyes!
  “You're under arrest,” Hawkshaw said, advancing toward him with a pair of handcuffs.
  The man sprang to his feet and drew a glittering butter knife from his pocket. "I am a desperate man! Beware!"
  At that moment the Colonel recovered from his amazement enough to push the muzzle of a howitzer against the villain and he was soon handcuffed.
  "Call the police, Colonel," directed Hawkshaw, taking the necklace out of the fellow's pocket.
  "Curses!" hissed the villain, "tricked, foiled, baffled! Curses!"

"But, Hawkshaw," asked the Colonel a few hours later, after they had collected the enormous reward that had been offered for the recovery of the necklace. "But Hawkshaw, how did you know that was the man?"
"My dear Colonel," answered Hawkshaw as with a smile he lighted a stogy, "I smelt the fish on his hands."

The End

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

ROLF!: Jesus vs. Muhammad

Jesus and Muhammad square off in the forthcoming ROLF!: Christmas Chaos product. But the battle detailed there wasn't the first time they exchanged blows. That story is told below, in a free combat scenario that's part of our year-long Final Battle series during which we've been counting down to the end of the world. This may be the last rollplaying scenario you'll ever play, so we hope you have fun with it!
    I alone take responsibility for its content. My partner in ROLFing, L.L. Hundal, wishes to disavow hersel from anything involving the names "Muhammad" and "Jesus." She just had her hair done, and she doesn't want it messed up by illiterate idolators and fanatics who might take offense.


Jesus vs. Muhammad: Waiting for the End of the World
The Final Battle (#11.5 of 12) for Two Gamers
Background
It's Thursday, December 20, 2012. The Bolthole, Guardian City's largest survialist store, has been doing booming business as the citizens stock up on guns, food, and camo-toiletpaper in preperation for the terrible and vague doomsday that's been predicted to occur on December 21, 2012. It's been so busy that the store's shelves are almost empty.
    Jesus and Muhammad, both deciding at the last minute that they need to take steps to protect their family in case doomsday actually happens, have come to the store to get supplies. They may both be procrastinators, but when they swing into action, it's with the intent of getting the best for their loved ones. And in this case, it means buying the very expensive Chuck Norris and Cindy Crawford endorsed Complete Delux Doomsday Survival and Fitness Package (featuring soothing ointments and bathsalts made from Chuck Norris sweat).
    Both men reach the sheft at the same time--only to discover that there's only one kit left. Neither of them will back down, because the well-being of their family is at stake. Both men are also to proud and too stingy to try blackmail the other. So, there's only one option left: Violence.

The Battle
This scenario is intended for two players. It starts at Ranged distance and it continues until either Jesus or Muhammad have been defeated.

Pre-Generated Characters
Here are the family men of the hour.
 Jesus Mendez (Male)
Brawn 11, Body 14, Brains 5
Traits: Improv Master, Short-tempered
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disarm, Dodge, Double Strike, The Look
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Pistol (Small Ranged Weapon, deals 2 points of damage. 3 shots).
Muhammad Washington (Male)
Brawn 12, Body 12, Brains 5
Traits: Dour, Improv Master
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disarm, Disembowel, Dodge, Withering Insult
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Switchblade (Small Melee Weapon, deals 2 points of damage).

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Have yourself a chilling little Christmas...

Now through December 25th, NUELOW Games's e-book anthology of classic holiday horror stories is on sale for just $1.00, Click here for more information or to download your own copy.

And if you're a lover of werewolves, our collection of offbeat monstrous shape-shifters is also on sale for just  $1. It's not Christmas-y, but one of the stories does take place in Santa's backyard, so you might was well get while you're buying scary Christmas stories anyway! Click here for details, or to get your own copy.


Wednesday, December 12, 2012

12-12-12: Time for 'The Date of Doom'

Check out the Final Battle (#11 of 12) for ROLF! -- "The Date of Doom." It features the return of Millie the Guardian Angel of Supermodels and Myron the Patron Demon of Excess. They're on their first date... and it's interrupted by the hateful actions of Dr. Demon.



Click here to see previews of this great love story... or to get your own copy for just $0.60.

Will Millie and Myron replace Bella and Edward as the world's favorite odd couple? I'm hoping, because my cats need food! (Please... buy a copy! :) )

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Make Christmas Merry! Write for ROLF!

You! Yes, you!



Do you want to be a published game designer whose name is recognized by dozens? If so, do we have an opportunity for you!

We are looking for Combat Scenarios for ROLF!: Christmas Chaos (or possibly for the blog). You can just provide a scenario using any characters who have appeared in previous ROLF! supplements, or you can create a set of pre-generated characters to go with it, as well as new Combat Maneuvers and Traits. The only requirement is that the Battle Scenario be somehow Christmas-y.

Contributors who are selected for publication will receive a a design credit, a free copy of ROLF!: Christmas Chaos, and an additional free NUELOW Games product of their choice. (All products are PDF only.)

Send your submissions to stevemillermail [at] gmail.com in the body of an email. Mention "ROLF! Christmas" in the header. All original parts of your submission remain your property, but you grant NUELOW Games the right to include your work in ROLF!: Christmas Chaos should it be selected for publication.

The deadline for submissions is December 12, so get started down the path to obscurity as a NUELOW Games designer and start writing today!

Click here to see what sort of brilliant items L.L Hundal & Steve Miller have previously come up with; We're sure you'll find that you will be able to do much, much better. And if you want a free copy of the rules to work from, you can download that here.


Friday, November 30, 2012

What should we call the next ROLF! release?


I am currently putting the final touches on the first ROLF! Cyberpunk supplement....

 It's set in the year 2042, a Dark Future in which only the rich and powerful get to wear pants. However, a brave group of cyberpunky freedom fighters are hoping to change all that--the Trouser Snakes are launching a win-or-die assault on the Wearhouse to liberate a billion or more pairs of long pants and return them to the people!

But we're struggling a bit for a title. If you see this post in the next couple of hours (and as I type this, it's roughly 16:00 Pacific Time (4pm, if you will, on the west coast of the United States), you can tell me which title you like best:

 1. Rise of the Trouser Snakes (the title L.L. Hundal and I are currently going with).

 2. Attack of the Trouser Snakes

3. Day of the Trouser Snakes

Voice your opinion by leaving a comment!

By way of a preview, here are some of the character illos that will be in the product:

Rucker
Effinger

Gibson




Sunday, November 25, 2012

The Complete Adventures of
Pepsiman & Lemon-Pepsiwoman!


Over at Cracked.com, they posted an article spotlighting superheroes created to promote products and companies. While most of them are pretty lame, how can one not love Pepsiman and Lemon-Pepsiwoman? In fact, I think they'd be perfect for ROLF! games. Pepsi should pay us to make a series of Pepsiman ROLF! products.

Think I'm wrong? Check out this compilation of all the Pepsiman commercials. That's a whole lot of ROLF! inspiration that is!



Since the likelihood of Pepsi paying us to do Pepsiman products is pretty close to Zero, here are ROLF! stats for Pepsiman and Lemon-Pepsiwoman for your enjoyment anyway. (Which means they may sue us instead....)

New Combat Maneuver
Dispense Pepsi/Dispense Lemon Diet Pepsi: When using this maneuver successfully, the character makes cans or bottles of Pepsi appear in the hands of all characters involved in a fight. All other characters must stop whatever they're doing to drink the tasty Pepsi product in their hands, losing any remaining actions the round the maneuver was used, as well as any during the full ABBA cycle the following round. Characters drinking Pepsi feel refreshed and regain 5 lost Brawn points (up to their starting maximum). In order to have this Combat Maneuver, a character must have the Robot Trait, and he must have the word "Pepsi" in his name. ATT Body.


Pepsiman (Male?)
Brawn 30, Body 18, Brains 5
Traits: Hard to Kill, Robot
Combat Maneuvers: Dispense Pepsi, Furious Fists, Run Away!, Seduce, Strike Pose.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Super-Armor (Armor. Absorbs up to 5 points of damage, even from sources that usually ignore armor).


Lemon-Pepsiwoman (Female?)
Brawn 30, Body 20 (includes +1 Hat Bonus), Brains 4
Traits: Busty, Hard to Kill, Robot
Combat Maneuvers: Bitch Slap, Dispense Lemon Diet Pepsi, Run Away!, Seduce, Strike Pose
Important Stuff Worn/WieldedImportant Stuff Worn/Wielded: Super-Armor (Armor. Absorbs up to 5 points of damage, even from sources that usually ignore armor). Yellow Ski Mask (Hat. +1 to Body ATT when worn).

(For more ROLF! superhero goodness, check out "Bullets to the Head" and "Bat Meets Cat.")