Wednesday, July 25, 2012

ROLF!: The Final Battle (#1 - #6)

Back in December, we announced that we would be releasing a "Final Battle" for ROLF! every month this year... until the Mayan-predicted End of the World came upon us. (And it's gotta happen this year, right? New-Age Profiteers and Doomsday Cultists have to be right that the end of the Mayan calendar portends the end of the world, right? I mean... the calendar on my kitchen wall ends on December 31, 2012, too! So someone must have it right--either the Wise Ancients or the makers of the Cats calendar.)

And with all the confusion about exactly when the world would end, for all we know it could come sooner. It could come now. Or now. Or perhaps now. Or maybe next week.

Well, no matter what, we're past the halfway mark of 2012, and we're still here! To celebrate (and by request from a couple ROLF! players) we offer this listing of "Final Battles" so you can make sure you have them all and make sure that you're the proud owner of one of the last-ever releases from NUELOW Games.

FINAL BATTLE #1: THE GRIM REAPER vs. THE FERTILITY GODDESS -- It's the Mayan goddess Ix-Chel and Chuck Norris teaming up to fight Death Itself. This product introduced rules for making god-like characters in ROLF!

FINAL BATTLE #2: GEORGE WASHINGTON CARVER AND THE NUTS OF DOOM -- Only George Washington Carver, Master of Peanuts, can stop a broken-hearted mad scientist from destroying humanity by turning all women into ugly, stupid men. This product was both a Final Battle and a sequel to Black Kitten vs. June Collyer.

FINAL BATTLE #3: ESCAPE FROM EDEN -- When time-traveling Eco-Terrorists go to the Garden of Eden with the intent of killing Eve, only one man can stop them and save us all: Snake Plisskin. More thrilling than any John Carpenter film... more epic than any Cecil B. DeMille movie! Never has the story of Genesis been told in such a dramatic fashion!

FINAL BATTLE #4: THE DEATH OF ADOLF HITLER -- Time-traveling Nazi super-soldiers seek to stop a time-traveling Chuck Norris from killing Adolf Hitler. Only The Most Interesting Man in the World can save history (by time-traveling). Featuring the historic first-ever team-up between Chuck Norris and The Most Interesting Man in the World.

FINAL BATTLE #5: MAD SCIENTISTS GONE WILD! -- The air is thick with death rays when love-starved mad scientists battle over the heart of Dr. Floss, the prettiest woman to ever seek world domination. This product introduced rules for making death ray guns to ROLF!

FINAL BATTLE #6: POTS vs. PANS -- The final showdown between the pure-hearted heroes of PANS and the dastardly villains of POTS. This product introduced rules for making superheroes to ROLF!

Will there be a Final Battle #7? Only the Ancient Wise Mayans knew for sure! But if we're still around, it will be released in early August.


  1. You're welcome! And I'll check out that software package you recommended.

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