Possibly the greatest song ever written! (And some RPG rules)

The band is Alestorm. The song is "Drink."


We live each day like there's nothing to lose,
But a man has needs and that need is booze.
They say all the best things in life are free.
So give all your beer and your rum to me!

We are here to drink your beer 
And steal your rum at a point of a gun 
Your alcohol to us will fall
'Cause we are here to drink your beer!


d20 OGL BOOZING RULES
Here's are some quick and dirty rules for using alcohol in your d20 OGL Modern games. Like everything in RPGs, this is an effort to model fantasy, not reality. You should always drink responsibly, alcohol is addictive and shouldn't be treated lightly... and so on, and so forth, blah-blah-blah.
  All text in this post from this point forward is presented under the Open Game License.

Drinking and Getting Drunk
During one hour, a character may consume a number of alcoholic beverages equal to 1/3rd his or her Constitution score. For each drink after that requires a requires a Constitution check (DC 12 + 2 per additional drink) with any racial  or other bonus against poison modifying the roll. Each failed check means 1 temporary damage to your Dexterity and Wisdom scores, and a -1 penalty to your Constitution for the purpose of resisting the effects of further drinks. If your Wisdom or Constitution scores are reduced to 0, you pass out.
   For each failed check, you also suffer a -1 penalty to all melee attack rolls.
   Once the character fails his or her first Constitution check, he or she is considered to be "under the influence." This state persists until all damage to ability scores has been regained. (Note that alcohol is a poison, so spells that neutralize poison can end the effects of alcohol early and restore lost attribute points more quickly.)
   Damage to ability scores from alcohol is recovered at the rate of 2 per hour during which the character doesn't drink any alcoholic beverages, or after "sleeping it off." The penalty to attack rolls is reduced at a rate of +2 each hour..
   Upon waking up after getting drunk enough to have his or her attribute scores drop below their full values, the character make a successful Fort save (DC18) modified by any racial or other bonus against poison). If the saving throw fails, the character suffers a -2 penalty to all attack rolls and skill checks for 1d3+1 hours.


BOOZEHOUND TALENT TREE
This talent tree is for hard-drinking characters of any class.
   Drink Like a Fish: For each drink after the prescribed maximum (see Drinking and Getting Drunk), the character rolls a Fort save (DC12 +1 per additional drink) instead of the Constitution check.
  Hold Your Liquor: You can consume a number of alcoholic beverages equal to 1/2 your Constitution score before you need to start rolling checks (instead of the usual amount equal to 1/3rd of your Constitution score).
   Mean Drunk: When under the influence (See Drinking and Getting Drunk), you hit even harder than you do when you’re sober. You gain +1d6 bonus to damage inflicted with melee and thrown weapons.
   You may select this talent more than once. Each time it is chosen the damage bonus is increased by 1d6, to a maximum of +5d6.
   Prerequisite: Any one Boozehound Talent
   Drunken Master: Instead of  suffering a -1 penalty for each failed attribute check or saving throw to resist the influence of alcohol, you gain a +1 bonus to melee attack rolls.
      Prerequisite: Any one Boozehound Talent

Alestorm: Heavy Metal Pirates & Boozehounds