Thursday, July 9, 2015

ROLF! Stats for THE LORD!

Jesus Christ has been a recurring pre-generated character in the ROLF! game line (appearing in Jesus vs. Santa vs. Santos, Night of the Easter Bunny, and elsewhere), but we've never provided stats for his Dad.

We fix that oversight today.

"I'd introduce myself, but that might be taking MY  name in vain."
GOD (aka Yahoo-Wahoo [Cartoon History of the Universe Reference]) 
Brawn 40, Body 20, Brains 12
   Attributes: Dour, God, Holier Than Thou, Improv Master, Inventor, Same Sex Preference
   Combat Maneuvers: Whatever He Wants, including Spellings. (He's the LORD!)
   Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: The Burning Bush (Armor AND weapon, absorbs up to 20 points of damage, deals 5 points of damage that ignore armor to all within melee range each round) OR Snazzy White Beard (Armor, absorbs 2 points of damage) and Fashionable Robes (Armor, absorbs 2 points of damage).
  Special: By taking no other action in a round, GOD can ask other fighters to bow down in his honor. Those who do, immediately gain the Agent of the Divine trait. Those who refuse are immediately destroyed at the beginning of the next round and removed from the battle. GOD then says, "Well... shit. I may have overreacted just a little bit there. Here. Let me show you this pretty rainbow. It's both my apology and my promise that I won't ever pitch a fit like that again. I hope. I have some anger issues, but I'm working through them. I swear to... um. ME.)
   Extra Special: GOD can change HIS sex from Male to Female by using one of HIS actions in a round. HE then becomes SHE until SHE changes sex again. HIS beard is replaced by an elaborate, gem-encrusted necklace that's so large it covers HER breasts (sort of...but it is armor that absorbs up to 2 points of damage).

With GOD appearing here on the blog, this is considered official content for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters. Feel free unleash HIM on your unsuspecting players.