NUELOW's lead editor and creator of the ROLF! game, L.L. Hundal, has been on a Golden Age teen comedy kick since we produced the
Ginger and Snap book earlier this year. In recent weeks, she's sent me about two dozen teen humor stories that we're going to be doing collections of. Some will be along the lines of the
Ginger and Snap collection, others will end up as part of an entry in the
Complete Golden Age Oddballs series (like we've already done with
Martin Filchock's "Teen Toons").
One book that we're set on is a collection of the "Kathy" stories drawn by Ralph Mayo and Frank Frazetta from the pages of
Thrilling Comics. And even if all the stories were badly drawn and unfunny--which the Mayo/Frazetta ones aren't--we would at the very least be doing SOMETHING with this splash page:
That picture and the blurb that states that Kathy "tangles with romance" immediately made me think "choosing a graveyard as a place for that wasn't very smart"... and then a ROLF! battle scenario came to mind. A couple, actually...
Since it's been a while, here's a complete ROLF! battle scenario, with everything you need to play but rules. It's one of the ones inspired by that splash page, but drawing upon the "Kathy" series in general.
KATHY TANGLES WITH ROMANCE AND NECROMANCY
A ROLF! Battle Scenarios for 2-3 Players
By Steve Miller
BACK STORY
On a balmy summer eve, as the full moon beams from a clear sky, Kathy suggests to her boyfriend Hank that they leave the soda shop and head for the picturesque cemetery off Old Church Road.
"It's such a beautiful place, and the full moon... it's so romantic," she says. "It's a perfect night for something I've been wanting do with with you for a long time.".
Hank, barely able to contain his excitement, immediately agrees. The teens steal into the cemetery, and Kathy heads of a bench on a slight rise that is bathed in moonlight. The two sit, and she squeezes Hank's hand, smiling and looking into his eyes. "This is going to be something special," she tells him. "I've never done this with anyone else before."
"Of course not!" Hank says emphatically.
"This is going to be something very special." Kathy turns away to get something from her purse. She feels his hand on her shoulder, and she turns to smile at him... but her smile freezes on her lips, her eyes grow wide and her mouth drops open. During the brief seconds was reaching into her purse, Hank had managed to take off all his clothes! She gasped, she gulped, her gaze slid down his torso and then snapped back to his face as she shouted: "What are you doing?!"
"Getting ready... I've wanted to--"
"I wanted to read poetry with you!" She holds up a book. "I come out here some nights and read poetry. Oh my Gosh! You thought--"
"Oh my Gosh," Hank says at the same time as her. He is mortified, horrified, at his mistake, and he reaches for his clothes--and find them floating in midair, suspended in what appears to be a wisp of fog. A skull-like face takes form in the mist and a hollw-sounding voice, that seems to make Hank and Kathy's very bones vibrate, says, "You care disturb this place with your carnal activities?!"
"Jeepers!" Kathy says.
The ghost throws Hank's clothes at him, and then attacks.
PRE-GENERATED CHARACTERS
ANGRY GHOST (Spooky!)
Brawn 20, Body 5, Brains 3
Traits: Dead, Natural Weapons (Claws)
Combat Maneuvers:: Basic Attack, Hypnotize, Slime (S
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Claws (Small Natural Weapon, deals 1 point of damage. Cannot be disarmed).
KATHY CRANE (Female)
Brawn 16, Body 18, Brains 5
Traits: Comic Relief, Improv Master, Irrepressible Optimist
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dance Move, Dodge, Strike Pose, Walking Disaster Area
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Cute blouse and skirt (clothes), Book of poetry titled Romantic Verse for Moonlit Nights (Small Melee Weapon, deals 1 point of damage OR One-shot ranged weapon that deals 2 points of damage). Purse (Small Melee Weapon, deals 1 point of damage)..
HANK DANIELS (Male)
Brawn 17, Body 18, Brains 5
Traits: Nimble
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dance Move, Disarm, Dodge, Murderous Mitts
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Literally nothing... he's in his "birthday suit."
HARUMON THE NECROMANCER (Male?)
Brawn 7, Body 6, Brains 7
Traits: Coldhearted, Dour, Too Sexy for My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Disembowel, Spellings (After Me, Die Die Die!, You'll Only Hurt Yourself), Strategic Bleeding
Important Stuff Worn/ Wielded: Necromancer Robes (Armor, Absorbs up to 1 point of damage). Ceremonial Knife (Small Melee Weapon, deals 1 point of damage).
THE BATTLE SCENARIOS
These scenarios can be played by two or three players, with one player controlling Kathy and Hank, and the other controlling the ghost and Haruman the Necromancer. If three gamers are player, Kathy and Hank are each controlled by a different player, while the third plays Haruman and the ghost.
Battle Scenario One
Kathy and Hank must defeat the angry ghost attacking them in the cemetery. The battle continues until either both Kathy and Hank are defeated, or the ghost is. If the teens win, they are restored up to one-half their starting health (if applicable), including if one should have been defeated, at the start of Part Two. If the Ghost wins, see "Aftermath" below.
Interlude
How did this ghost come to be in the cemetery? Well, Haruman the Necromancer was also enjoying the full moon while practicing a little black magic. Attracted by the shrieks and screams of the teens vs. ghost fight, he finds Kathy and Hank over the dissolving remains of his latest summoning.
"Meddling kids," he cries. "It was made clear that I have the cemetery on the full moons in months with 31 days--you damn druids need to keep your naked moon-dancing to your own time!"
"Wait," Kathy says. "This isn't what it looks like. At all."
"Yes," Hank says. "We're not doing naked dancing!"
"You want me to believe you came all the way out here just to fornicate?" Harumon snarls.
"Yes!" Hank exclaims.
"No!" Kathy shouts, smacking him on the head with her book of verse.
"You will not make the fool of me," Harumon says, the black energy of evil magic crackling on his finger tips. "You will be taught respect and the meaning of keeping to an agreed-upon schedule."
With that, he attacks.
Battle Scenario Two
Kathy and Hank must defeat Haruman. The battle continues until one side is defeated.
Aftermath
If Hank and Kathy are defeated in either scenario, they wake up on the ground in front of the bench as dawn is breaking, cold and sore and confused. Hank is still naked.
Hank quickly gets dressed. He says, "Let's never mention this to anyone, okay? And I'm really sorry."
"You should be," Kathy says coldly, remaining turned away as Hank dresses, but still stealing a glance. "I can't believe you thought--"
"I'm really, really sorry!" Hank wails.
"This place is great for reading poetry, but that other sturff? Too creepy."
"What?"
"You need a car, Hank Daniels. Don't you know anything? Now, how are we going to keep from getting grounded for life?"
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