How is the Vacation in Mexico Going to be Ruined?

Here are adventure seeds for an RPG campaign in a modern setting.

What Ruins the Mexican Vacation?
The player characters are hoping for a nice relaxing vacation in sunny Mexico... but, being that they're player characters, things aren't going to be so relaxing. What harshes their mellow this time? (Roll a d12 against the list below.)

   1. A drug cartel decides to force them into being "mules" and won't take no for an answer.
   2. An old enemy hiding South of the Border recognizes a party member and thinks they're after him or her.
   3. An old enemy who's been hiding South of the Border recognizes the party and approaches them with a request for help against 1-3)slavers posing as 'coyotes', 4-6) a drug cartel that's trying to force him to help them by kidnapping someone he loves, 7-9) the corrupt officials that have been shielding him, but who are now involved in things so horrible he wants no part of it, 10-12)discover what is going on at a secret base in the desert and why the Native Americans living nearby are vanishing.
   4. Space aliens are using the resort the characters are staying at a front for their unholy experiments on humans.
   5. A waiter familiar with the PCs (possibly through an old enemy) approaches them asks them to rescue his sister from a nearby cult compound. The cult is being run by 1-3) rogue CIA operatives conducting mind-control experiments, 4-6) an ancient Olmec vampire, recently awakened and working on restablishing his vampiric powerbase, 7-9) space aliens, who are replacing humans with duplicates in preparation for an invasion, 10-12) a druglord who is testing a new product that has the unfortunate side effect of turning users into werewolves.

   6. Mole People begin their invasion of the surface world at the resort the PCs are saying at (use kobold stats). Naturally, they are led by a sexy human queen (or hunky human king) who takes a fancy to a party member.
   7. Cultists in nearby Mayan ruins are performing a ritual that will summon mighty demons to cleanse Central American of everyone without pure Native American blood.
   8. A friend of the party is abducted and held for ransom by 1-2) a cartel boss, 3-4) an old enemy of the party, 5-6) renegade CIA agents, 7-8) 'coyotes', 9-10) a mad scientist, 11-12) Cultists.
   9. A mad scientist is attempting to create President Trump's border wall with 1-3) strange chemicals in the water supply, 4-6) mind control rays, 7-9) a stolen alien spaceship and its energy shield techology, 10-12) summoning and enslaving the ancient Oltec gods.
   10. Renegade CIA agents want to force the party into taking down 1-3)a terrorist ring, 4-6)a drug cartel, 7-9)corrupt officials coordinating cross-border crime, 10-12)a cult that is infiltrating CIA stations throughout Central and South America.
   11. A local priest approaches the party and asks them to recover a relic that has been stolen from his church by a local drug boss.
   12. Roll two more times, re-rolling duplicate results. Both indicated things ruin the party's vacation.

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A NUELOW Christmas: Magical Mistletoe

It's the time of year when the Spirits of Christmas move across the land, randomly bestowing icons of the holidays with supernatural blessings.

IS THE MISTLETOE MAGICAL?
Roll 1d6 to determine the nature of the mistletoe hung in the doorway.

1. Not magical, but still pretty (and a pretty good excuse for smooching).
2. Vampires may not cross through the doorway in which the mistletoe hangs, they cannot touch it, and anyone on the other side is immune to their mind-effecting powers.
3-4. Unfaithful lovers feel compelled to confess their betrayal while under the mistletoe (Will save DC24 to resist).
5-6. Faithful lovers gain a +4 bonus to all saving skill checks, saving throws, and attack rolls made when fighting together or defending each other for 24 hours after kissing beneath the mistletoe.

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The text in this post is presented under the Open Game License and may be reproduced in accordance with its terms. Copyright Steve 2017. (If you found this material useful and/or entertaining, please support our efforts by buying one of our products at RPGNow or DriveThruRPG.)

A NUELOW Christmas: Day Six

Here's a Christmas-flavored adventure idea for a modern setting that contains magic.

THE ELF ON THE SHELF MASSACRES
Someone is murdering the families of witnesses against Papa Jambo, the reputedly magic-using crimelord who is currently on trial for multiple murders. Despite heavy police protection, the assassins are still managing to infiltrate the homes and murder the families in their sleep; in one case, they even killed one of the officers on the protective detail.

After these shadowy assassins kill a pair of evidence technicians at a crime scene, the player characters are called in to help the investigation. Upon inspecting the crime scenes, they find one thing in common: Each home has an Elf on the Shelf doll in it... and at one point, one of the characters is attacked by one of the toys after it animates. (Use Kobold stats, 1d4 points of damage with a knife or some other sharp household object).



With some investigation, the characters discover that the Elf on the Shelf dolls were all sent to the family from the same downtown address, even if the packages all appeared to come from a variety of hard-to-contact relatives.

Upon visiting the warehouse, the party is attacked by 24 murderous Elf on the Shelf dolls. They attack in groups of 1d6+1 until all are destroyed. Further investigation of the warehouse reveals other addresses to which killer dolls were sent that morning, as well as the following (roll 1d4):

   1. That Papa Jambo's apprentice is animating the dolls and that he has moved to a different location with 48 more... which will be sent to judges and other law enforcement officials if he has the chance.
   2. That one of Papa Jambo's rivals are trying to frame him for the murders--and that rival is an even stronger and more evil sorcerer than Jambo.
   3. Family members or loved ones of the player characters have been targeted to recieve killer Elf on the Shelf dolls... and that they may already be in their homes!
   4. The Papa Jambo on trial is a look-a-like impostor and that the real crimelord is at a secret location, plotting a monstrous revenge that will turn Christmas Eve into a bloodbath!

A NUELOW Christmas: Day FiveRobert E Howard--A True Christmas Visionary!

Short story writer and poet Robert E. Howard is best known for creating Conan and Solomon Kane and thus laying the foundation for the Sword & Sorcery genre, but his creative vision was of a far greater scope!

In 1927, in a letter to his friend Clyde Tevis, Robert E. Howard created the Elf on the Shelf, something that would go onto becoming a pop culture Christmas sensation some 70 decades after his premature death!


THE WICKED OLD ELF (By Robert E. Howard)
There once was a wicked old elf
Who sat a girl up on a shelf,
In spite of her aunties,
He took down her panties—
But finish this rhyme for yourself.

For more poetry by Robert E. Howard (mostly of the serious variety), check out this collection from NUELOW Games.

A NUELOW Christmas: Day Four

There exists among us people who are touched by the Spirits of Christmas at birth. As children, they seem extra kind and extra cheerful (especially around the Holidays). When they turn 16, the Spirits visit the individual and offer them a chance to become a Santa's Helper.

SANTA'S HELPER 
(d20 System rules, presented under the Open Game License. Copyright 2017 by Steve Miller)
During character creation, the player can declare that his character chose to become a Santa's Helper when the Spirits came to visit. (This can also be rolled random if the GM prefers; the character is a Santa's Helper on a roll of 001 on percentile dice.)
  In addition to all class abilities and bonus feats, a Santa's Helper gains the following abilities for two days out of the year, December 24 and 25. If Santa requires assistance in delivering gifts to good children, or if there's a particular threat that is stopping him from visiting an area that requires the sort  skills and attention that only a player character can bring to bear, the character is asked to spring into action.
  Joy of Fellowship: The character and his closest allies (other PCs for example) gain a +1 bonus to all saving throws, attack rolls, and skill checks.
  Spellcasting: The character may cast a number of spells from the following list a number of times per day equal to his Wisdom + Charisma bonus. He casts the spell by making a gesture (such as twitching his nose or winking, with no other components required): Animal Friendship, Detect Thoughts, Disguise Self, Fabricate, Knock, Nondetection, Passwall, Telekinesis.
   Bonus Feat: The character adds Naughty or Nice to the selection of available bonus feats. The ability gained from this feat is available all year long.

A Santa's Helper is expected to be kind and helpful, and if he is mean or violent toward an undeserving or harmless target, he instantly loses his mystical status.

A NUELOW Christmas Day 3

The Globe of Snow artifact is given by the Spirit of Christmas as a gift to particularly kind individuals who find themselves missing wintery weather around the time of the holidays.

The Enchanted Snow Globe
This crystal globe is 5 inches in circumference appears to be filled with a milky liquid. When shaken starts to glow softly and a scene of an old-fashioned village with Christmas trees outside every house, or a small snowbound cottage and snow falling appears within it  (random chance for each scene--village on a result of 1-3, cottage on 3-6). When placed upon a flat surface, the globe sits perfectly balanced and does not roll unless pushed. It never rolls further than an edge from which it could fall.
   As a standard action, the person shaking the snow globe can cause snow to fall within a 120-ft radius of his or her location; the snow always falls outside, so if the character is in a spaceship or some other completely enclosed artificial environment, this function of item will not work.
   If the snow globe is thrown on the ground, it explodes and causes a violent, highly localized magical blizzard that 4d6+6 points of cold damage and blinds everyone within a 6-foot radius except the person to whom the globe was given. The blizzard lasts for six rounds. The globe reforms in the person's possession 12 hours later.
   Finally, by concentrating on the scene within the globe for a full round, the person it was gifted to can wish themselves and up to five other individuals into the scene shown within the globe. They find themselves in a comfortable and warm little home where one of the Spirits of Christmas will host them with good cheer. The characters can remain in the home for up to 12 hours, and they may perform any actions they would normally do during rest periods--they can even go outside and play in the snow. During this time, the globe sits invisible, undetectable and undestructable at the location where the characters entered the globe.
   When the globe is gifted, the character has a dream that reveals the items functions to him or her.

A NUELOW Christmas: What's Going Down at Nakatomi Plaza?

Thirty years ago, Hans Gruber staged a robbery in the Nakatomi building during a Christmas party. It ended badly for Gruber and his gang, but nearly every year since around Christmas time, there's been some sort of disaster or crisis there. This year, the player characters get drawn in! But what will it be this time?! Roll 1d10 to see and get an idea for a modern-day Christmas adventure for the player characters in your game!

WHAT IS THIS YEAR'S CHRISTMAS CRISIS AT NAKATOMI PLAZA?
   1. Hans Gruber's twin children have taken hostages and are demanding retired NYPD Detective John McClain surrender himself to them, so they can avenge the death of their father. (This is truly their motivation--with no hidden motives.)
   2. As #1, except the twins are trying to gain access to a secret lab on the 47th floor where Nakatomi is developing killer cyborgs. They want to steal them, and they want to test them on McClain on the way out.
   3. The latest upgrade to the Nakatomi U.S.'s central computer has caused it to become sentient. And murderous.
   4. The grandson of John McClain has taken a job with Nakatomi and is working on the 39th floor of the the Nakatomi building... and this has awakened the angry ghost of Hans Gruber. The mysterious deaths and accidents are his doing... and on Christmas Eve there will be a slaughter unless the PC's put him to rest once and for all.
   5. Nakatomi researchers have kidnapped and imprisoned Santa's daughter, Sugar Plum, in a secret lab in the tower; they are hoping to unlock the secret of the Claus Family's immortality as well as the secret surrounding the flying reindeer and sleigh. Santa and the elves have seized hostages and demand the PC's help free Sugar Plum.
   6. Computer hackers have infected the building's computer system with a virus and seized total control of all of its "smart systems." They want $10 million or they'll start killing people.
   7. A meeting between North Korean agents and industrial spies has gone wrong and the North Koreans have taken hostages in order to secure safe passage.
   8. Aliens have chosen Nakatomi Tower as their beachhead for invasion.

   9. Cultists are planning to sacrifice those attending a company Christmas party in a ritual to summon the Great Old Ones. They have been working as part of an interior decor remodel crew to turn the whole building into a giant ritual chamber.

   10. Neo-Nazis are hunting a Federal witness hiding in the building, killing whoever they come across. 

A NUELOW Christmas: Day One

It's December 1. The goal is to do a Christmas-related post every day--some may even be game related--until December 25.  Will we pull it off? Check back every day to find out!

The text in today's post is released under the Open Game License and may be reproduced in accordance with it. Copyright 2017 by Steve Miller.

MAGICAL CHRISTMAS COOKIES

A powerful person (rich, well-connected, a sorcerer, sorcerer-related, or just with access to magic), or perhaps even Santa himself, has gifted the player character party with a tin of magical Christmas cookies. Each type of cookie has a different effect (described on a piece of parchment in the tin), and it lasts for 8 hours or until another cookie from the tin is eaten. Each type of cookie is separated from the others by a thin sheet of paper.

    Danish Vanilla Wreaths (8 in the tin): +4 bonus to Bluff and Diplomacy skill checks. Ability to understand all Scandinavian languages.

    Gingerbread Santas (8 in the tin): +4 bonus to Move Silently and Hide skill checks. Ability to fall from up to 10 ft. and suffer no damage.

    Russian Tea Cakes (8 in the tin): +4 bonus to Gather Information and Intimidate skill checks. Ability to understand Russian.

    Shortbread Cookie (8 in the tin): +1 to all saving throws.

    Sugar Cookie Jesus (8 in the tin): Heal 1d6+1 hit points with a touch, up to a number of times equal to Wisdom+Charisma bonuses.

    White Christmas Chocolate Chip (8 in the tin): -2 damage from all elemental sources.

Although the cookies are the main attraction, but tin itself is also mildly magical. It keeps any food items placed within it fresh and edible without a need for refrigeration. The food items will still spoil at their normal rate.

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What Ruins the PC's Thanksgiving? (A Thanksgiving Adventure Idea Generator)

The title of this post explains almost everything you need to know about it! Happy Thanksgiving to all our Americans readers and gamers!

THANKSGIVING ADVENTURE IDEA GENERATOR!
What Ruins The Party's Thanksgiving Day Celebration? (Roll 1d20)

1. The turkey is under-cooked.
2. The stuffing is so dry it's hard to chew.
3. The pie is burnt.
4. A guest insists on discussing politics, possibly even gun control.
5. Terrorists take hostages and demand the PCs surrender themselves to them.
6. An old enemy (or one of his/her surviving henchmen) trap the PCs and their guests in a deadly Thanksgiving-themed maze.
7. The party is framed for a crime they didn't commit and must aviod the authorities and prove their innocence.
8. Necromantic energy has animated all turkeys (cooked or otherwise) in a 50-mile radius. (Use zombie stats for the turkeys.)
9. A misbegotten attempt to deep-fry a turkey accidentally opens a portal to the elemental plane of fire.
10. Mindflayers invade.
11. President Donald Trump decides to drop in for turkey.
12. President Bill Clinton shows up seeking protection: He sexually harrassed the wrong woman! (Wonder Woman, the Sorceress of Zoom, the Love Witch... take your pick of someone powerful who might want to kick his ass.)
13. Militant vegan spellcasters transform the giant balloons in the local Thanksgiving parade into murderous creatures bent on avenging all the slaughtered turkeys. (Use Air Elemental stats).
14. Mel Gibson and Alec Baldwin show up drunk for dinner. They weren't even invited.
15. The party and their guests are abducted by an extra-dimensional sorceress who is angry she wasn't invited to the party.
16. Someone brought Keystone Beer.
17. Milla Jovovich shows up pursued by freaky undead (use ghoul stats)
18. A previously unknown child of a PC shows up. Is it really his/her child, or just an elaborate ruse?
19. Roll twice on the table, ignoring additional results of 19. Thanksgiving is ruined because of all indicated reasons.
20. Roll twice on the table, ignoring additional results of 20. Thanksgiving is ruined because of all indicated reasons.

CK's Wand of Healing (for the d20 System)

A magic item for your d20 System games. (This text in this post is released under the Open Game License and may be reproduced in accordance with its terms. Copyright 2017 by Steve Miller.)

CK'S WAND OF HEALING
This light brown wand is six inches long and varies in width from one end to another. Its surface is uneven at creation but becomes smooth with use, and it is slightly curved. It can heal injuries on the user or on a designated target, granting the ability to cast each of the following spells once per day: cure minor wounds, cure light wounds, cure moderate wounds, cure serious wounds, and cure critical wounds at ½ his character level (round up). CK's Wand of Healing may be used by any character, regardless of class.

   Using CK's Wand of Healing is a full round action. When invoking the wand's magic, the user must hold it firmly in one hand and point it at the target with a quick motion while saying "Pardon me while I whip this out."
   The user must then rub the wand rapidly with his free hand. At the end of the round, he must declare what spell he cast, Then streams of white light shoot from the wand, striking and healing the target.
   If the user is targeting himself, he only needs to hold the wand firmly in one hand while rubbing it with the other. The magic will spray on him automatically.
   Using CK's Wand of Healing is taxing. The user must roll a successful Fortitude save (DC12) or suffer a -1 penalty to attack rolls during the round immediately following the use of the item. Further, CK's Wand of Healing can only be used by the same character once every ten rounds. It can, however, be taken in hand by another character.

A CK's Wand of Healing, straight from Chama Karupi/

ACQUIRING CK'S WAND OF HEALING

The method of creating a CK's Wand of Healing is a carefully guarded secret, known only to high ranking priests of Chama Karupi. They are made in the highest towers of the god's isolated main temple and given to his clerics, who wander the world.

   Priests of Chama Karupi spread the message of their god--which is one of "life is short, so have fun!" and "if it feels good, do it!"--by behaving more like stereotypical bards than clerics. They lace musical and comedic performances with religious messages and, more often than not, those who attend a "sermon" don't even realize they're being preached to. (Although they readily reveal themselves to provide cures or healings or other religious services to those in need.)

   When a priest of Chama Karupi encounter a person they feel is worthy (either because of good deeds, they showed the priest they know how to party, or just because they are good looking and/or sexy [Charisma attribute of 16 or higher), they offer the person a CK's Wand of Healing by holding it out and saying, "Touch my wand, and it can be yours!"

  When encountered, a priest of Chama Karupi is carrying 1d6-1 CK's Wands of Healing. If they are stolen from him, the thief is cursed with mummy rot that can only be cured by a priest able to create a CK's Wand of Healing.

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RANDOM SEX SCANDAL GENERATOR (for any modern-day or near-future RPG setting)

Add a taste of current affairs to your RPG sessions with this game aid for our times with the RANDOM SEX SCANDAL GENERATOR!

Who Did It? (Roll 1d20)
1. Actor
2. Actress
3. Artist (Male)
4. Artist (Female)
5. Musician (Male)
6. Musician (Female)

7. Celebrity Who's Famous for Being Famous (Male)

8. Celebrity Who's Famous for Being Famous (Female)

9. Sports Star (Male)

10. Sports Star (Female)
11. Clergymember
12. Film Director
13. Film Producer
14. Game Designer
15. Politician

16. School Teacher

17. Social Worker

18. Doctor

19. Famous Corporate Executive
20. Royal

Who Did They Do It With/To? (Roll 1d20)
1. 1d20 Girls
2. 1d20 Boys
3. 1d20 Young Women
4. 1d20 Young Men
5. 1d20 Age-Appropriate Underlings (Female)

6. 1d20 Age-Appropriate Underlings (Male)
7. 1d20 Ballet Dancers (Female)

8. 1d20 Ballet Dancers (Male)
9. 1d20 Gymnasts (Female)

10. 1d20 Gymnasts (Male)

11. 1d20 Instagram Models
12. 1d20 Circus Clowns
13. 1d20 Police Officers

14. 1d20 Race Car Drivers

15. 1d20 Farm Animals

16. 1d20  Endangered Animals

17. An Entire Professional Sports Team (Female)

18. An Entire Professional Sports Team (Male)
19 - 20. Roll 1d20 Times on This Table; all results apply. Additional results of #20 are added together.

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The Baby Changing Station: A Magi-Tech Item for Your Game!

"The Baby Changing Station" was inspired by a graphic found on Facebook (included) and a comment made by a Facebook Friend. It is written with the d20 System in mind, but it is rules-light enough that it can easily be incorporated into any game setting that features highly advanced technology and/or magic---or even a combination of the two, as can be found in the World of 2044. All text in this post is presented under the Open Game License and may be reproduced in accordance with it. Copyright 2017 by Steve Miller.

THE BABY CHANGING STATION
In the year 2244, the Baby Changing Station allows wealthy parents who are tired of taking care of an infant to turn it into a pet. In certain jurisdictions, parents convicted of child neglect or endangerment are compelled to turning their infant into an animal. If the neglect or abuse continues, they are executed.

The Baby Changing Station was developed from Atlantean magi-tech, based on devices that turned rocks into edible food. When used for commercial purposes—voluntarily turning a baby into a pet—there is a charge to the parents of 20,000 credits.

The pet created is random and generated by the magic at the heart of the device’s function. All possible animals were favored pets of spellcasters in ancient Atlantis.

Roll 1d20 against the table below to see what the baby is changed into.

1. Bat
2. Cat, Demonic*
3. Cat, Domestic

4. Dog, Chihuahua*
5. Dog, Poodle

6. Ferret

7. Fox
8. Gecko

9. Gibbon

10. Hedgehog

11. Hedgehog, Demonic*

12. Iguana
13. Meerkat
14. Mongoose
15. Parrot

16. Raven

17. Raven, Demonic*

18. Sloth

19. Snake, Garter
20. Sugar Glider

*See below

Occasionally, a glitch introduced when humans modified the magic to create the Baby Changing Station will cause a “demonic” version of an animal to appear. The creature appears normal, but has INT and WIS scores of 18, can cast spells as a 13th level sorcerer, and is fluent in all human languages (although many animals must use spells to speak). The demonic pet may or may not reveal its true nature to its owner, depending on how it perceives its situation.

If treated kindly by its owner, the supernatural beast will grant three wishes each month to him or her—even if the owner doesn’t know the wishes are being granted. (For example, if the owner says within earshot of the demonic animal that he wishes he noisy neighbor would die, and no other wishes have been requested or granted, the neighbor will indeed die a horrible and messy death. These beasts were familiars to the most powerful Atlantean mages in ancient times, and if an owner actively takes advantage of the creature's ability to grant wishes or asks it to cast spells in support of his or her activities, the owner suffers all penalties described in the rules that occur when a familiar dies.

If the owner of the pet is not kind to one of the demonic variety, it turns its magic subtly upon him or her, inflicting a -2 penalty to all rolls until amends are made. If the owner outright kills a demonic pet, he or she must is subject to the affects of a curse spell (as if cast by a 13th level caster, and permanent until a remove curse is cast by a 15th-level or higher caster), and the pet haunts his or her home as a poltergeist.

For an additional 20,000 (40,000 total) the parents can choose what sort of pet the baby is turned into. In such a case, the GM must still roll a 1d6 to see if the pet is a "demonic" variety. On a roll of 5-6, the pet is "demonic." Note that Chihuahua Dogs are always demonic.

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Three Nights of the Werewolf

Here's another random table to help spur adventure ideas (or subplots for adventures). With this one, you determine which among a group of citizens in a village is a werewolf, which are the monster's victims, and what is motivating it (aside from bloodlust).

Art by Pablo Marco

THREE NIGHTS OF THE WEREWOLF

By Steve Miller

This plot generator is here to help you build an exciting horror scenario for your roleplaying campaign.

First, 20 character tags are listed, the list of suspects/possible werewolf. Then there are a series of questions seven questions. Roll 1d20 against the list of characters for each question to generate the plot surrounding the werewolf.

THE CHARACTERS
1. The Consulting Detective
2. The Debutante
3. The Baroness
4. The Baron
5. The Butcher
6. The Night Watchman
7. The Attractive Gypsy Woman
8. The Handsome Gypsy Man
9. The Inn Keeper
10. The Preacher
11. The Gameskeeper
12. The Retired Army Officer
13. The Farmer
14. The Farmer's Daughter
15. The Hermit
16. The Town Drunk
17. The Historian
18. The Libertine
19. The Mysterious Foreigner
20. The Widow


A. WHO IS THE WEREWOLF?
B. WHO IS THE FIRST VICTIM?
C. WHO IS THE SECOND VICTIM?
D. WHO DOES THE WEREWOLF LOVE AND WISHes TO MAKE INTO A FELLOW CREATURE OF MOON?
E. WHO DOES THE WEREWOLF HATE (and try to frame as being the werewolf)?
F. WHO IS THE FINAL VICTIM (whose death scene will contain a clue to the werewolf's true identity)?

Note: If you roll A, B, or F, more than once, the victim rises from the dead as a ghoul and attacks the player characters--either on its own or during a confrontation with the werewolf. Roll the question again, until you get a different result.

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Why does the mummy walk?

A random adventure idea generator for your horror RPGs! (For a more complex tale, roll twice on the "Why Does the Mummy Walk?" table. There can be one mummy with multiple motivations or two different mummies (or one fake mummy and one real mummy) shuffling along in the shadows.)

WHO IS THE MUMMY THAT WALKS? (Roll 1d12 and consult the list below).
1-3. A priest (or priestess) cursed by the gods for betraying vows.
4-6. A prince (or princess) cursed for betraying a spouse or lover.
7-12. A wizard (or sorceress) cursed for protecting a spouse or lover.


WHY DOES THE MUMMY WALK... AND KILL?! (Roll 1d12 and consult the list below)
1. It has sensed the reincarnated spirit of a loved one, and wishes to be reunited.
2. It wants to protect a person (whose mummy is also present, or is nearby, alive and reincarnated) it cared about in life.
3. It wants to recover an object it valued in life.
4. It wants to avenge the defilement of the tomb.
5. It has been awakened by a spell and is being commanded by the caster.
6. It has been awakened by a spell and is seeking the caster in order to gain its total freedom (and immortality).
7. An accidentially triggered enchantment awakened it, and now its gathering the components for a ritual that will grant it immortal life.
8. It is a guardian who is protecting an item that is in a different museum.
9. The Stars Were Right, and it is has awakened to bring together cultists and unleash the Black Pharaoh upon the world.
10. It seeks to trigger the Zombie Apocalypse.
11. An ancient curse has caused mummies world wide to reanimate and go on murderous rampages.
12. It doesn't. It's a hoax, carried out by the (1-3 museum curator; 4-6 disgruntled Egyptologist; 7-9 tabloid reporter; 10-12 creepy ex-cop turned insurance fraud investigator) in order to (1-3 drum up publicity; 4-6 cover up murders; 7-9 cover up a theft of an ancient artifact; 10-12 distract from a ritual that will awaken another mummy for real).

Random Sex and Gender Generator (for any RPG)

They say that gender is as inborn a trait as sex. To reflect that, here's an add-on to any roleplaying game that let's you randomly generate both your character's sex and gender. A third optional step that lets you randomly generate what your character presents as--does he or she prefer to live as a male or female, regardless of sex or gender--is also included. (Frankly, it is our opinion that the third table should be a player decision made as part of the roleplaying process and not rolled randomly.)

These tables assumes the character is a baseline Human with no genetic abnormalities. These tables also assume that the society in which the characters exist value gender identities as part of cultural and social interaction--otherwise, the whole gender thing is pointless.

WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER'S SEX (Roll 1d10)
1-5. Female
6-10. Male

WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER'S GENDER (Roll 1d10)
1-4. Female
5-6. Fluid (Roll on the "What Is Your Character's Sex" table whenever it's relevant to determine your character's gender at the time.)
7-10. Male

WHAT DOES YOUR CHARACTER PRESENT AS? (Roll 1d10)
1.4. Female
5-6. Fluid. (The character is equally comfortable in the dress and roles of either gender.)
7-10. Male

--
If memory serves, we've included rules for characters who can change their sex in Lady Satan 2004 and/or Dynamic Man. We'll have to check--it was considered for one or both, but at the moment we (well, me actually) can't remember what the final decision was. If we didn't... well, it's another excuse for a random table or two for the blog!

For other tables that will infuse more inclusivity into your RPG's character generation system, we refer you to the one that lets you randomly roll your character's sexual preference, your character's race, and the one that lets you generate a disability (can we still use that word?) for the character with a deck of cards.

Random Sexual PreferenceTable (for any RPG System)

Continuing our quest to become a respectable game company and to forever be patting ourselves on the back over how inclusively diverse their products are, NUELOW Games brings the world yet another element that can be added to to the character generation process of any table-top roleplaying game where the designers HAVEN'T been diverse in their inclusivity and thus have come up with a biased game that isn't properly representational of its player base.

WHAT IS YOUR CHARACTER'S SEXUAL PREFERENCE? (Roll 1d10)
1-6. You prefer relations with the sex opposite your own.
7. Bi-sexual, with leanings toward the sex opposite your own.
8. Bi-sexual, with leanings toward the sex same as your own.
9. Bi-sexual, with no particular preference whatsoever.
10. You prefer relations with the sex same as your own.

For even more diversity it your game, be sure to add this to its character generation system, too. (You can randomize race by rolling a d6 and comparing it to the list.)

Sci-Fi RPG Subplot Idea Generator (for any game system)

Here are a couple tables to randomly generate subplot ideas for your sci-fi campaign. Roll first on Why is the Android Behaving Strangely?, then on Who's Behind It?

WHY IS THE ANDROID BEHAVING STRANGELY? (Roll 1d6)
1. A flaw in the programming. (Don't roll on "Who's Behind It").
2. A hacker is trying to control it via a remote uplink.
3. Adjustments to its programming intended to 1-2, make it more efficient; 3-4 make it more human-like in its reactions; 5-6 make it eventually turn on its owners.
4. A virus uploaded into its programming matrix is gradually causing it to 1-2 shut down; 2-3 become a spy-bot; 5-6 become a killing machine.
5. A disembodied alien entity has taken over its personality maxtrix and is now in control.
6. The android is unchanged. The player characters have been shifted to an alternate universe similar to their own.

WHO'S BEHIND IT? (Roll 1d6)
1. No organized force; it's just one of those things.
2. An old enemy.
3. An agent of a galactic mega-corp trying to get the PCs under his or her control.
4. An old friend trying to secretly reach out for help.
5. A mercenary group trying to establish their reputation by taking down the player characters.
6. An alien invasion force that wants to distract or neutralize the player characters so they won't get in their way.

--
If you enjoyed this post, consider supporting our efforts by purchasing some of our many releases. You can view a selection by clicking here.

d20 Supers: The Reports of My Death Were Exaggerated!

A couple superpower feats, yet more parts of the d20 Supers game that we may or may not ever produce. This pair of feats exist to explain how certain characters can come back from the dead over and over and over. (As always, these are released under the Open Game License. Copyright Steve Miller 2017.)

LUCKY [Minor Power, Meta-Gaming]
You lead a charmed life.
   Prerequisite: One attribute above 12

   Benefit: Once per game session, you may declare a single attack roll, skill check, or saving throw that faled to be a success. The success is never a critical.
   Special: This feat can be replaced with The Reports of My Death... under the right circumstances. See The Reports of My Death... for more details.


THE REPORTS OF MY DEATH... [Minor Power, Supernatural]
You were dead... but you got better!
 Benefit: If the character dies (reduced below -10 hit points, disintegrated, blow to tiny bits, lost and drowned at sea, eaten by rabid weasles--any death, no matter hor mundane or terrible), this feat allows them to instantly return from the dead. The character reappears somewhere out of harm's way, with 1/4 of his or her hit points and a semi-plausible explanation of how he or she survived (the GM or player may invent something).

Art by Everett Raymond Kinstler

     The feat can only be used once. After the character has miraculously (perhaps literally) escaped death, the feat must be replaced by one of the following (with all prerequisites needing to be met): Attentive, Better Lucky Than Good, Cautious, Dodge, Lucky, Never Say Die
   Special: There is no benefit from this feat until the character dies. If the character possesses the Lucky feat, the character can replace it with this feat after he or she is killed, essentially getting a two-for-one on rising from the dead.
   If the character replaces this feat with Lucky, the cycle can repeat itself.

You can see the first parts of this game approach here, and everything on this topic that's been posted here. Much more (and refinements of these posts) have also been featured in many of our comics/rpg hybrid releases.

Another bit of d20 Supers: Spider Power!

Here's another entry in the ever-growing collection of d20 System feats and talent trees designed to incorporate superpowers into campaigns. Someday, we'll actually get around to doing a base class (all that will be needed is one--two at most), and collect all the d20 Supers material into a NUELOW Games release. 

Meanwhile, we hope you enjoy this latest bit of material; and we're sure it's obvious where some of the inspiration came from. As always, your feedback is welcomed, and the text is released under the Open Game License and may be reproduced according to its terms. Copyright Steve Miller 2017.

You can see the foundations of this system here and here. The whole collection of posts so far can be read here.

Protection of the Spider [Minor Power]

You suffer no harm when injected with natural venoms, such as those delivered with spider or snake bites.
   Benefit: You are immune to all venom, as well as harmful compounds derived from them.

The Astonishing Spider Queen! (Art by Kinstler)

Kin of the Spider (Super Power Talent Tree)
Whether gained through magic, mutation, or the bite of a radiated arachnid, you have spider-powers! (Note that unlike most superpower talents, Gift of the Spider requires specifically the Protection of the Spider minor power feat).

   Gift of the Spider: You have a +3 bonus to all Balance, Jump, and Climb skill checks.
   Prerequisite: Protection of the Spider minor power feat
   Spider Sense: You have a +4 bonus to all Sense Motive and Spot skill checks.
   Prerequisite: Gift of the Spider

   Call of the Spider: Make a successful Concentration skill check as a full round action (DC12) while thinking of a target within your line of sight. The following round, dozens of spiders begin to emerge from cracks and crevices, swarming toward your chosen target. On the next round, they deal 1 point of damage to the target. Spiders keep arriving for the next three rounds, with the damage inflicted increasing by 1 each round. (The target may roll a Fort save for half damage.) On the 5th round, the spiders withdraw, although you may call them again if you choose.
   Prerequisite: Any one Minor Power feat
   Spider Growth: Focus your will upon a spider within your line of sight. Make a successful Concentration skill check (DC12) as a full round action. With the beginning of the next round, the spider transforms into a Giant Spider and attacks a target by your command on your initiative. Commanding the spider is a free action. It attacks for four rounds (after which it reverts to normal) or until slain.
   Prerequisite: Call of the Spider
   Salvation of the Spider: If you are reduced to -5 or fewer hit points (but not -10), a spider-web like substance excretes from every pore of your body, encasing you in a thick, impervious cocoon. This process takes one round, and any person or creature in physical contact with you is forced away and suffers 1d4 points of slashing damage.
   The cocoon remains for 48 hours, during which time you heal 4d20+8 hitpoints, recover any lost attribute points and regrow any severed limbs, up to your fully-healed state. The cocoon dissolves into a fine dust at the end of the time period, and, although you are unconscious while in the cocoon, you are immediately fully alert and ready for action.
   Prerequisite: Gift of the Spider

Body Wraps of Dimension Travel

Here's a magical item for use in your just about any roleplaying game.

Body Wraps of Dimension Travel
Found in sets of three, nine, and twelve, they are tightly wound spools of six-inch wide strips of a silken fabric. They can be of any color. If inspected with a detect magic spell or ability, the cloth radiates transmutation magic, and an Atlantean symbol becomes visible every six inches.

The Body Wraps of Dimension Travel were created by Atlantean Witches as a means of letting non-witches, non-spellcasters, or spellcasters unable to traverse dimensions to join them on jaunts to other universes and planes. Each set is pre-enchanted with a specific destination and users are transported to that location with unfailing accuracy, regardless of any wards or anti-magic fields that may be in place at either end of the journey.

Each spool contains enough fabric to wrap a large human completely from head-to-toe; it is virtually impossible for a person to wrap themselves, as they must be wrapped so tight that they are unable to move and no part of their body must be exposed. No clothes or items of jewelry or external body piercing can be worn under them if the wraps are to function.



Art by Murphy Anderson

When the command word is spoken (the symbol on the fabric), wrapped characters are shifted from their present plane and location to the destination enchanted into the wraps. The wrap is consumed during the transfer, so the characters arrive naked. (Typically, the point of arrival is a chamber within a base of operations established by Atlantean Witches. It contains robes, sandals, and other basic equipment.)

Since the destruction of the Atlantean outposts on Earth, the secret to creating Body Wraps of Dimension Travel on our world has been preserved by the magical heirs to the Atlantean legacy, the Witchkind. Using the wraps is a one-way trip, although if users arrive at a location still inhabited by Atlantean Witches, or which has been taken over by the Witchkind (or can otherwise locate them), a return trip may be facilitated.

You can read more about the Witchkind and Atlantean magic in Love Witch (by Marv Wolfman and Steve Miller, with art by Ernie Colon and Don Heck) and Secrets of the Witchkind (by Steve Miller, with art by Bradley K. McDevitt).

Magic Bongs

In observation of 4/20 Day, we present A Pot-Smoking Supplement for the d20 System by one of the minds that brought you the immortal classic OGL Drunkards!

All text in this post is presented under the Open Game License, and it may be reproduced in accordance with its terms. Copyright 2017 by Steve Miller

THE MAGIC BONG
Scattered throughout the world are a small selection of magic bongs. How they came into being no one knowns for sure--some blame the elves, others blame the Atlanteans, and still others believe they have been charged spontenously through extensive use by magically endowed beings of any race--but they come in two varieties: The Evil Bong and the Good Bong. When pot is smoked in one of these bongs, they effects are powerful and unexpected.
   Magic Bongs typically appear like traditional hookas and have 1d3+3 pipes attached, allowing multiple characters to smoke from the device at the same time. A magic bong appears completely normal until it is in use. Once characters are smoking from it, it radiates powerful alteration magic.

USING MAGIC BONGS IN YOUR GAME
First, determine if the characters are smoking from a magic bong, and what type, by rolling 1d100 and consulting the following table.

1-90. Normal Bong
91-96. Good Bong
97-100. Evil Bong

If it's a Good Bong, roll 1d6 against the following table to determine what effect smoking from it has on the characters.

1. Gain +2 bonus to all Charisma-based skill checks for 4 hours.
2. Gain +2 bonus to all Wisdom-based skill checks for 4 hours.
3. All enchantment spells function at +1 caster level for four hours.
4. A genie appears (1-4 male, 5-6 female), grants the party a single wish, and will hang out with them for 4 hours. It will fight if necessary, but will much rather just party.
5. +4 to all Fortitude and Dexterity saves for 4 hours.
6. Transported to a wild party on the Outer Planes to hobnob and get wasted with any manner for good- and neutral-aligned creatures.

If it's an Evil Bong, roll 1d6 against the following table to determine what effect smoking fro it has on the characters.

1. Filled with the desire to eat, resulting in a -2 penalty to all Intelligence- and Wisdom-based skill checks due to an in ability to focus. The effect lasts 4 hours.
2. Constantly giggling. Suffer a -2 penalty to all Bluff, Diplomacy, and Intimidate skill checks for four hours.
3. All enchantment spells function at -1 caster level for 4 hours.
4. Suffer a -4 penalty to Will saves to resist mind-affecting spells and spell-like abilities for four hours.
5-6. Transported to a wild party on the Outer Planes to hobnob and get wasted with all manner of fun and sexy creatures. Or so it seems. The characters are actually in a lair of deadly demons who want to humiliate them and eventually kill them.

(The Magic Bongs was inspired in part by the Charles Band films, Evil Bong.)

And to wrap things up, here are a couple of songs that are fit for the day!

A Preview of 'Deadly Liaisons"

We're preparing another entry in the NUELOW Stock Art Collection. It's got a pulp-action theme, and it's tentatively titled Deadly Liaisons.

Art by Nick Cardy

Art by Al Avison

Art by Joe Doolin

And since we make an effort to include a little actual content in our promotional posts, here's a random table to help you generate a femme fatale's secret agenda/motivation. (This table might also be a useful companion to the d20 material in NUELOW Games' Devils in Petticoats.)

WHY DID SHE HAVE TO WALK INTO YOUR GIN JOINT?
(Roll 1d6 on the tables below.)

Who is She?

1. An heiress in trouble.
2. A government agent in need of assistance.
3. An enemy spy wanting to defect.
4. A farm girl in the big city for the first time.
5. A gangster's moll on the run.
6. A thrill-seeking adventuress.


Who is She to You?
1. A total stranger.
2. A childhood friend.
3. A teenaged crush.
4. An ex-lover who broke your heart.
5. An ex-lover who had her heart broken by you.
6. A rival who once betrayed you.


What Does She Want?
1. Someone to protect her.
2. Someone to rid her of the men who are after her.
3. The key to a cypher, which will unlock the location of a: 1. vast treasure, 2. cache of blackmail material on members of Congress, 3. a mystical artifact of importance to a deadly cult, 4. dimensional gate to Atlantis, 5. formula for returning the dead to life created by Dr. Victor Frankenstein, 6. map to Shangri-La.
4. To uncover and bring to justice traitors hidden in government and industry.
5. To get revenge on the fascists that killed her family.
6. To find and destroy: 1. a master vampire and his cult, 2. the Cult of the Black Pharaoh before they trigger the end of the world, 4. a clan of werewolves, 5. a band of Ninjas bent on assassinating the nation's political leaders, 6. the mob boss who killed her father.


Who is After Her?
1. Roll two more times on this table, ignoring any additional times 1 is rolled.
2. Corrupt cops.
3. Government agents.
4. Foreign spies.
5. Death cultists.
6. A supernatural force: 1. A master vampire and its minions, 2. A mummy and cultists who worship it, 3. A pack of werewolves, 4. Druids, 5. A genie, 6. A demon.

Need a Valentine's Day palate cleanser?

Whether you want to get the sticky-sweet taste out of your mouth because you're bitter, or because you want to prepare for what's to come on this Day of Celebrating Romance and Love, we have just the collection of stories for you to read!

Art by Basil Wolverton

Weird Romance, the latest release from NUELOW Games is a collection of short horror, humor, and fantasy tales that are all tinged with the rosey color of romance. These stories were produced by great talents such as Steve Ditko, Dick Giordano, Basil Wolverton, Sam Schwartz, and others. They are well worth your time and money, whether you are just looking for some great reading material or have an interest in the lesser-known works of men who helped build the foundation upon which modern sequential storytelling rests. In addition to the great comics, the book also features a series of tables with which you can randomly generate a love interest for a player character in just about any RPG syste, (It wouldn't be a NUELOW Games release if we didn't toss RPG support in with the comics!)

You can get Weird Romance at RPGNow, DriveThruRPG, and DriveThruComics.

And for good measure, here's a trio of Valentine's Day-related adventure seeds...

* A cleric (or otherwise spiritual character) is awakened in the night by a small, winged humanoid--Cupid! He is being hunted by a group of cultists who want to eliminate love and romance from the world, clearing the way for the return of the Great Old Ones. Cupid is begging for the character's help and protection.

* A sworn and very deadly enemy of a player character suddenly wants not only a truce but also a romantic relationship with him or her. If rebuffed, the enemy will start to make life hell for everyone around the character until he or she accepts the offer of love. Investigations reveal that Cupid missed a shot his magic arrowand has caused this trouble. The party must find the demigod and get him to lift the spell. (In the end, the enemy, if the situation is handled correctly, could end up as an ally of the party, due to residual effects of the magic;)

* Cupid is distraught, because his female counterpart has been abducted by persons unknown. He demands that the party find and free her, or he will not inspire love and romance in anyone every again.

Piper Perabo (cos)playing Female Cupid

The feat to prevent TPK!

Here's another Metagame feat for your enjoyment. It's inspired by a plot device that appears in many horror films and a handful of sci-fi ones, too, and the Alan Hewetson/Pablo Marcos short story "An Event in the Night" that will appear in a forthcoming NUELOW Games release, which is tentatively titled Events in the Night: Horror Stories Illustrated by Pablo Marcos.

WAS IT ALL JUST A NIGHTMARE? [Minor Power, Metagame]
Was that horrible dream of death and carnage just that--a dream--or was it a preminition?
   Prerequisite: Foresight
   Benefit: You may invoke this feat once per game session after your character dies or is horribly maimed, or after the party suffers a total defeat. Your character wakes up, covered in cold sweat with heart pounding in the chest. The entire day that led up to the disastrous defeat was just a dream. Any items gained, XP earned, and character injuries that occurred during it are completely undone. It's as if the events never happened, because they didn't.
The events are now played again, and the players may used player knowledge (assuming your character shares the details of the dream with his or her comrades). The GM may make alterations to the scenario (and should, to keep ir fresh), but the broad strokes remain the same. But your character and the rest of the party will have a chance to at least attempt to correct their mistakes and avoid death.
    Special: After this feat has been evoked and the disastrous encounter has been successfully survived, roll a d20. If the result is 4 or 13, you suffer a -2 penalty to all saving throws for the entirety of the next game session... as Fate and Death stalk your character, angry that he or she eluded their grasp. (If you use "Was It All A Nightmare" again during that session, the saving throw penalty increases to -4 during the next game session and so on.

d20 Modern Metagaming Feats for Our Times

Gamers are always going on about whether this or that RPG is realistic. Well, we aim to please here at NUELOW Games, so here are two feats that will make your d20 Modern games super ultra modern by bringing the feel of the world around us to your gaming table!


All text in this post is presented under the Open Game License and may be reproduced in accordance with its terms. Copyright 2017 Steve Miller

Alternative Fact [General, Metagaming]

You roll whatever you say you roll.

   Benefit: Whenever you roll a failed saving throw, skill check, or attack you, you can invoke this feat and instead declare that you rolled a 20 (or any other possible result that you choose).

   Special: Your character permanently loses 1 rank in the Diplomacy or Intimidate skill (your choice, or random roll by the DM/GM) whenever this feat is invoked. If the character has no ranks in either skill, it loses 250XP. (Using this feat CAN cause a character to lose a level if enough XP are spent.)

Protest [General, Metagaming]

Your dissatisfaction and hate may change the course of destiny!

   Benefit: Whenever you roll a failed saving throw, skill check, or attack roll, you may invoke your right to protest. At this time, all normal actions and play stop. You roll a Bluff, Diplomacy, or Intimidate skill check (whichever is highest for the character) with a DC18. If this skill check is successful, play resumes at the point you failed the previous roll and you reroll as if the initial roll never happened,

   Special: Each time you invoke this feat, all other players receive a -1 penalty to skill checks, saving throws, and attack rolls for the rest of the game session, just to make sure they understand how important it is that you get to win.

Venting Your Righteous Anger [General, Metagaming]

(from an idea by Scott Kankelborg)
You're peaceful, and no one better dare say otherwise!
    Prerequisite: Protest
    Benefit: As Protest, but after the initial failed d20 roll, you may also break 1d4 common household items present in the home of whoever is hosting the game session. You or the GM may roll to determine how many.
    Special: If you ever attempt to compensate the other players for their loss you lose access to the Protest feat.

These feats should be added to the list of bonus feats available to the Hardcore Activist advanced class.

More topical and modern than ever!

Retro Sci-Fi with NUELOW Games!

While we haven't done much in the sci-fi genre, we think that what we have done is very high quality, and all great sources of inspiration for sci-fi roleplaying game campaigns. The most concentrated sources of inspiration are the collections of royalty-free art that is yours to use in almost any fashion you can think of once you've purchased one or more of them. We've just released the fourth one--NUELOW Stock Art Collection #15: Fantastic Frontiers--and to celebrate, we're giving you an even more concentrated source of inspiration: A series of tables that will let you generate the framework for an alien invasion campaign--Who Are The Aliens?, What Do the Aliens Want?, How Are They Going to Get It?, and How Does Humanity Ultimately Defeat Them! (We've used the covers from our art collections to illustrate this post because, well, we hope you'll go buy one or more of them at RPGNow, DriveThruRPG, DriveThruComics, or DriveThruFiction.)

Art by John Celardo

Who Are the Aliens?
Roll 1d12 to determine who the aliens are!
1. Red Martians (Sexy and Savage)
2. Green Martians (Six-Armed and Savage)
3. Venusian Amazons (Sexy and Commanding)
4. Tentacle Monsters from Alpha-Ceti Six (Sexy. Ew.)
5. Bug-Eyed Swamp Men (Slimy and Smelly)
6. Nordics (Tall, Buff and Blond Boozers)
7. The Greys (Short, Skinny, and Fond of Giving Anal Probes)
8. Lizard People (Shapeshifters)
10. Atlanteans (Mystical Super-scientists)
11. The Immortals (Masters of Time and Space)
12. Caedens (Cat People)

Art by Will Eisner

What Do the Aliens Want?

Roll 1d12 to determine what the aliens want!

1. Peaceful coexistence, with human society and theirs exchanging knowledge and comingling freely.

2. Peaceful coexistence, so long as humanity recognizes their status as superior beings.

3. Peaceful coexistence, so long as humanity doesn't encrouch upon their well-defined dominion of worlds that have long been recognized by other intelligent species.

4. Help from humans in defeating a vicious enemy... that wil be coming for us next if the aliens are defeated.

5. Help in defeating a rampaging, intergalactic robot army. (Roll 1d12 again. 1-6: The robots contact humanity and offer alliance and peaceful coexistence if we help defeat the aliens; 7-12: The robots contact humanity and vow to wipe us out along with all other non-mechanical life in the universe. ("EXTERMINATE!"))

6. The return of an artifact that will save their people and which is lost somewhere on Earth. If we fail to help locate and turn it over, they will invade with the intent of destroying us as their last act as a dying species.

7. Our bodies, to house the minds of their young.

8. Our mineral wealth, especially gold and diamonds.

9. All water, be it in the sea, in the air, or in human bodies.

10. All children under the age of 3, so they can be nutured and modified into superior beings--and any infants born in the future.

11. To save the whales.

12. Our Women!

Art by Dan Zolnerowich

How Are They Going to Get It?
Roll 1d12 to determine how they're going accomplish their goals.
1. Take control of humanity by infiltrating our political leadership.
2. Take control of humanity by infiltrating our academics.
3. Take control of humanity by infiltrating our arts communities.
4. Replace important humans with robot doubles.
5. Orbital Mind Control lasers
6. Orbital Weather Control Satellites
7. Destroy Earth by launching meteors at us.
8. Invade Earth with a massive alien army.
10. Taint food sources so they only poison humans and other mammals.
11. Turn all plant life against
12. Roll two more times on the table. The aliens are conducting a two-pronged attack!

Art by Joe Doolin

How Does Humanity Ultimately Defeat Them?
Roll 1d12 to determine how humanity will ultimately defeat them.
1. Through the power of love.
2. Through our never-say-die spirit.
3. By finding a way to their home world and bringing the war to them.
4. By discovering the aliens secret and deadly allergy to (roll 1d12: 1. KFC's Secret 11 Herbs & Spices, 2. Dos Equis Beer, 3. Keystone Beer, 4. Gluten, 5. Justin Beiber Music, 6. Slim Whitman Music, 7. Barbara Streisand Music, 8. Roseanne Barr, 9. Axe Body Spray, 10. Hipsters, 11. The Common Cold Virus, 12. An ancient weapon, uncovered at the last minute).
5. Chuck Norris
6. Alien rebels become our allies.
7. Professor Fiend develops a super weapon (that has a serious downside, but still....)
8. Santa Claus Comes to the Rescue (he don't take crap from no aliens!)
10. Stardust the Super Wizard comes to our rescue
11. Bill Clinton seduces their leader.
12. Flash--he's for every one of us, he'll save every one of us!