ROLF!: Lady Gaga vs. the Banshee

With Saint Patrick Day fast approaching, we present a Battle Scenario that pits Lady Gaga against that most famous of Irish monsters--the Banshee.

LADY GAGA VS. THE BANSHEE

A ROLF! Battle Scenario for Two Gamers

BACKGROUND
Lady Gaga has decided that she must master the art of singing like banshee. So, she has gone to a ruined castle on an isolated, windswept Irish moor to confront the Banshee who dwells there and force her to reveal the secret of mastering the Banshee Wail.


PRE-GENERATED CHARACTERS

LADY GAGA (Female)
Brawn: 20 (+1 Hat Bonus included), Body: 17, Brains: 7.
Traits: Nimble, Same Sex Preference, Too Sexy for My Shirt
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Dance Move, Furious Fists, The Look, Strike Pose, Seduce, Yodel.
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Bizarre, Sexy Outfits (Clothes), Thigh-high Boots (Armor OR Leggings, Absorbs 1 point of damage.), Weird Hat (+1 Brawn Bonus, different-looking hat each battle).

Lady Gaga

THE BANSHEE OF SCATH REILIG NA (Female)
Brawn 13; Body 14; Brains 5
Traits: Dead, Nimble
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Banshee Wail, Seduce, Spelling (Bad Touch, Die Die Die!)
Special Note: The Banshee can use her Banshee Wail combat maneuver to cause the following effects once per Battle each: A. All characters in the fight (except the Banshee) must make a successful Brawn ATT check or have their current Brawn total reduced by half; Brawn lost in this way is NOT restored between Scenarios. B. She can fill all characters in the fight (except the Banshee) with a sorrow so great they decide to kill themselves. The characters turn their weapons on themselves keep attacking themselves until they make a successful Brains check.

The Banshee

THE BATTLE SCENARIO
Nothing fancy here... Lady Gaga and the Banshee fight until one of them is defeated. If the Banshee loses, Lady Gaga learns the Bashee Wail... and she will, quite literally, knock her fans dead with her next single.


Lady Gaga vs. the Banshee is a work of fiction. Any similarity to real people, living or dead, without satirical purpose is purely coincidental.
Text Copyright 2011 NUELOW Games, but you can always copy the text to make a print out for personal use if you like. Or you can just play it on your nifty iPad thingie.

I MUST figure out how to work these folks into a game product!

And now... the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain, and the new official providers of soundtracks for ROLF! games.

"The Devil's Gallop"


The Theme from "Shaft"


The Theme from "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly"


"Smells Like Teen Spirit"

The ROLF! International Women's Day Celebration

It's International Women's Day, and we here at NUELOW Games are celebrating. Steve is hitting on every international woman he finds, and L.L. Hundal is taking the day off to sit on the couch, while watching "The View" and "The Maury Povich Show" and eating Bon-Bons.

And, of course, we're offering this celebration of International Woman's Day, in this the year of the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts. (All blame for these characters and combat scenarios should be assigned to L.L. Hundal. This is one case where Steve Miller will NOT take the blame!)





BILL CLINTON
CELEBRATES INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY
WITH A GIRL SCOUT
A ROLF! Battle Scenario for 2 Players by L.L. Hundal

Background
Mel the Girl Scout Leader was thrilled when she was invited to the office of former U.S. President Bill Clinton in order to celebrate not only International Woman's Day, but also the 100th anniversary of the founding of the Girl Scouts. She soon learned that Bill was looking for a different sort of thrill... and when he offered her the same position that Monica Lewisky had once filled, she knew she had to Be Prepared to Run Away!

This combat scenario is designed for two gamers, with one gamer controlling Bill Clinton and another controlling Mel and Hillary.


Pre-Generated Characters
BILL CLINTON (Male)
Brawn: 23; Body: 14; Brains: 6
Traits: Egomaniac, Limousine Liberal, Irrepresible Optimist
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Debate Philosophy, Murderous Mitts, Seduction, Strike Pose, Run Away!
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Expensive Suit (Clothes), Cigar-case (Single-shot Ranged Weapon. Deals 1 point of dmg).

Bill Clinton, Presidential Horndog

HILLARY CLINTON (Female)
Brawn: 25; Body: 13; Brains: 6
Traits: Dour
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Castrate, Debate Philosophy, Furious Fists, Run Away!, Signature Move
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Expensive Pants Suit (Clothes), Bust of Elanor Roosevelt (Large Melee Weapon. Deals 4 points of dmg).

Hillary Clinton, Wife of the Horndog

MEL THE GIRL SCOUT LEADER (Female)
Brawn: 20; Body: 17; Brains: 5
Traits: Irrepresible Optimist, Nimble
Combat Maneuvers: Basic Attack, Disembowel, Furious Fists, Run Away!, Walk and Chew Gum
Important Stuff Worn/Wielded: Girl Scout Uniform (Clothes), Girl Scout Shash with Badges (Armor OR Weapon. When Worn, it functions as Armor, absorbs 1 point of dmg. When wielded it functions as a Melee Weapon, dealing 2 points of dmg).

Mel the Girl Scout

The Combat Scenario
The combat scenario begins with Bill chasing Mel around the desk in his office. Mel can attempt to end the combat by using Run Away!, but Bill can counter her attempts by successfully using the Run Away! combat maneuver.

If Mel should fall victim to Bill's Seduction combat maneuver, be reduced to 0 Brawn through combat, or manage to Run Away!, Mel's player takes control of Hillary Clinton... who bursts onto the scene at the end of that ruond to visit wrathful vengenace on her husband and, if need be, save the hapless Girl Scout.

If Hillary should be defeated, Mel returns to attack Bill. Her Irrepressible Optimist trait has been replaced with Dour if this occurs.

The battle continues until Bill Clinton or both ladies are defeated.

Bill Clinton Celebrates International Women's Day with a Girl Scout is a work of fiction. Any similarity to real people, living or dead, without satirical purpose is purely coincidential. (We really have no idea who is on those pictures we've posted... and that's our story and we're sticking to it!)
Text Coyright 2011 NUELOW Games, but you can always copy the text to make a print out for personal use if you like. Or you can just play it on your nifty iPad thingie. We wish someone would celebrate International Women's Day by giving us iPads....)

ROLF!: The Final Battle (#2)

Although an attack by gremlins delayed the release of the latest ROLF! supplement, we still got it out before the predicted End of the World.

Our second "Final Battle" product is the gloriously silly "George Washington Carver and the Nuts of Doom." Featuring stats for the scientific genius in the title, former United States President Jimmy Carter, three obscure Golden Age comic book characters, the Swedish Bikini Team, and Peanut Brutes--the unholy by-products of peanut-based science perverted for evil purposes--this product may well be the last thing NUELOW Games ever publishes. The world may end tomorrow for all we know, because the inferior modern researchers can't quite figure out how to read the calendar left by ancient peoples who sacrificed their neighbors in bloody rituals and never discovered the wheel.

So, click here to get your copy of this historic game product for just $0.50. While there's still some history left!

And look for another Final Battle at the end of March... if we make it far!

Best-selling titles in Feb. 2012

That picture is the dream. The reality is far, far different... as any small game publisher will tell you. There are no piles of money... and L.L. Hundal threatened me with a gun when I suggested she could be a booth bunny for us and dress up in a chain-mail bikini; I should know better than to joke with a lady who came up with a game that's all about kicking ass.

Still, we do sell a handful of copies of our game products and fiction anthologies. And here's the monthly list of the Top Ten Best-selling titles. Click on the titles for more information, or to join the many people of exceptional and/or unusual taste who have already purchased these excellent titles!


Best-Selling NUELOW Games Titles for Feb. 2012

1. Oriental Stories (Fiction Anthology by Robert E. Howard)

2. ROLF!: Black Kitten vs. June Collyer (RPG Supplement by Steve Miller & L.L. Hundal)

3. ROLF!: The Grim Reaper vs. the Fertility Goddess (RPG Supplement by Steve Miller & L.L. Hundal)

4. ROLF!: Dead Presidents (RPG Supplement by Steve Miller & L.L. Hundal)

5. ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters (Core RPG by Steve Miller & L.L. Hundal)

6. Fists of Foolishness (Fiction Anthology & RPG by Robert E. Howard, Steve Miller, and L.L. Hundal)

7. Shadows Over Texas (Fiction Anthology by Robert E. Howard)

8. Shanghaied Mitts (Fiction Anthology by Robert E. Howard)

9. ROLF!: Revenge of the Martians (RPG Supplement by Steve Miller & L.L. Hundal)

10. Modern Advances: The Former Child Star (RPG Supplement by Steve Miller)

'Oriental Stories' is the Pick of the Week at DriveThru Fiction!

NUELOW Games' most recent Robert E. Howard anthology is currently featured on the front page of DriveThru Fiction as their pick of the week. Click here to check it out, or to get your own copy for just $3.99!

Celebrate Presidents Day the NUELOW Games Way!

"ROLF!: Dead Presidents" is the latest release for ROLF!: The Rollplaying Game of Big Dumb Fighters sees Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy teaming up to stop a nefarious plan by Adolf Hitler and to attack the United States of America. This supplement features two straightforward battle scenarios and five pre-generated characters, in addition to a number of Battle Maneuvers and Traits not found in the core ROLF! game.

It's Presidents Day mayhem from Steve Miller & L.L. Hundal. Do the patriotic thing and stimulate the economy by spending some money at RPGNow!